SAHM’s who used to work - what salary did you leave behind?

[Anonymous]

This was 18 years ago, but I made $65k. If I stayed working I’d probably max out at $150k. I worked in communications.

Mixed feelings. I have regrets when it comes to the lost income, but zero regrets about missing 18 years of trudging to the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

Maybe this is just me, but absent very specific circumstances (tons of money in the bank already, massive inheritance, child with very severe special needs requiring a parent at home etc), I just don't get this at all. Unless it's some kind of troll post.

You would understand if you’d ever had an incredibly stressful and/or toxic job situation. It interferes with all aspects of life including physical health. It’s not worth any amount of money if you have ti give up your health, physically or mentally

You need some money to live. $180k seems very, very low these days.

Just a reminder, $180K is more than double the US median household income. ($83,730). So, most of the nation survives on far less. Also, if they have a low mortgage and send their kids to public school, it's really not all that lean. In fact, it's not lean at all. My family's household income is around that. We have some family help (family money will pay for kids' college). But could also make it work without the family help.

180k is terrible. We make around 250k and it only buys a modest house not close to our work.

I'm glad that I have a different perspective. For us, 180K is plenty. All of the houses in this region are modest, honestly. Paying 2 million would get me something on a better lot, but further from the Metro. Basically, all of us live in modest houses, because that's all there are in this region unless you get fairly far out, far from the metro or into the stratospheric price level.

Live in your bubble. That's fine. But at least acknowledge that it's a bubble you live in and that you are actually wealthy, compared to most people in our region, in the US and certainly in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why in the world would you do that. You make more than enough to hire full-time live in help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

Maybe this is just me, but absent very specific circumstances (tons of money in the bank already, massive inheritance, child with very severe special needs requiring a parent at home etc), I just don't get this at all. Unless it's some kind of troll post.

You would understand if you’d ever had an incredibly stressful and/or toxic job situation. It interferes with all aspects of life including physical health. It’s not worth any amount of money if you have ti give up your health, physically or mentally

You need some money to live. $180k seems very, very low these days.

Just a reminder, $180K is more than double the US median household income. ($83,730). So, most of the nation survives on far less. Also, if they have a low mortgage and send their kids to public school, it's really not all that lean. In fact, it's not lean at all. My family's household income is around that. We have some family help (family money will pay for kids' college). But could also make it work without the family help.

180k is terrible. We make around 250k and it only buys a modest house not close to our work.

It does help that we have no mortgage or any other debt and we live 15 min away from my spouses work if he needs to go in for his mostly remote job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why would you not have control over future income savings and investments? I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't allow 50/50 with that, no matter who brings in what income.
I've been a SAHP for 25+ years (married for 35+) and I manage the finances. We joke spouse would have no idea how to access our money. We make financial decisions together when younger, now we discuss major ones, but are on the same page so I manage them all. When I quit my job to become a full time parent (without a paycheck) I didn't have to ask for money, it's all OURS

That’s not the point of a post-nup. The point is to lay out housing and alimony to a spouse who may have to re-enter the workforce post divorce at a significantly lower salary than their marital HHI. Which is what happens a vast majority of the time.

[Anonymous]

About 130k. I was an AUSA, so if I stayed on my salary would have maxed out at 160k or so.

[Anonymous]

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why would you not have control over future income savings and investments? I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't allow 50/50 with that, no matter who brings in what income.
I've been a SAHP for 25+ years (married for 35+) and I manage the finances. We joke spouse would have no idea how to access our money. We make financial decisions together when younger, now we discuss major ones, but are on the same page so I manage them all. When I quit my job to become a full time parent (without a paycheck) I didn't have to ask for money, it's all OURS



THIS, same here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

PP here. We got married on the later side, so I had amassed a decent amount of savings prior to marriage. Since he makes so much more money than me, he suggested that I keep my premarital savings in a separate account and just let it compound without touching it. Premarital savings that aren't commingled are separate property in the case of divorce, so that would be a decent cushion if anything were to happen. He has also been contributing to an IRA for me the whole time we've been married, and I've always made the maximum allowable contribution to my 401k. We also have substantial savings and investments that accrued during the marriage, so I would get a chunk of that in the case of divorce. We are both pretty financially conservative, so we have a high savings rate and no arguments over that. He has always been in charge of all of our investing, since that's his job, although I have access to all of the accounts of course. If we were to divorce, I should have enough in savings that I wouldn't need to go back to work, although I'd have to downgrade my lifestyle a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why would you not have control over future income savings and investments? I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't allow 50/50 with that, no matter who brings in what income.
I've been a SAHP for 25+ years (married for 35+) and I manage the finances. We joke spouse would have no idea how to access our money. We make financial decisions together when younger, now we discuss major ones, but are on the same page so I manage them all. When I quit my job to become a full time parent (without a paycheck) I didn't have to ask for money, it's all OURS



THIS, same here

Same. Married 25 years, and I manage all of our financial accounts. We just had a conversation this week that he needs to learn how to access the accounts -- he keeps losing the password to his own, and has to ask me, let alone knowing mine. Yes, I saved a ton before we had our first kid, so my own 401K rollover accounts, plus my other brokerage accounts are very healthy and a decent percentage of our net worth.

Also to the top PP, if it worries you, as a couple you can still invest in an IRA for you as a non-earning spouse, as well as non-tax advantaged savings and investment vehicles in your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just left my biglaw job to stay at home. I was making $560k. My husband makes much more than I do and we have a lot of savings, so it wasn’t a big deal financially, but I still have a lot of angst about it. I actually love(d) my job, and it makes me sad that it will be very difficult to find a path back.

Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why in the world would you do that. You make more than enough to hire full-time live in help.

DP: Everyone is different, but I personally would hate full time live in help. I'm way to private for that. I can barely tolerate a cleaning crew once every two weeks, and iIm anxious the whole time they are here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who left careers to be an SAHM -

What salary / comp did you walk away from?

Are you happy with your decision financially? Would you do it again with what you know now?

I was in medical training so not a high salary and I don't regret it. However, wouldn't recommend it to young women. Times have changed, juggling home and career is easier now with good dual income, there are more resources and less judgement. Marriages are more fragile now so you can't 100% rely on your partner to stay in it for long term. Also everything is more expensive.

[Anonymous]

I still work, at 49. My husband and I both make the same salary and are in the same Indy and job type at nonprofits. I don’t begrudge any women their right to stay home— choices are what our mothers fought for- but for me, working for a good cause was always more important than the paycheck. We don’t outsource anything, kids in public schools, and through luck and good investments in real estate and the stock market, we are in a strong position. There are no easy answers, ladies, but we can support each other in making our own choices. Hopefully all these big law partners will spare some pro bono time for the immigrants and activist who are under seige right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you take any steps to protect yourself financially, like a postnup? How do you get comfortable that you're not saving in your own name anymore, for example, no more 401k contributions, and possibly, no more control over how future income is saved and invested because you don't have a paycheck? Asking because I'm hung up on these issues and still working.

Why would you not have control over future income savings and investments? I wouldn't be married to someone who didn't allow 50/50 with that, no matter who brings in what income.
I've been a SAHP for 25+ years (married for 35+) and I manage the finances. We joke spouse would have no idea how to access our money. We make financial decisions together when younger, now we discuss major ones, but are on the same page so I manage them all. When I quit my job to become a full time parent (without a paycheck) I didn't have to ask for money, it's all OURS


THIS, same here

In my parents' marriage, my mom stayed home, and the only money she got was the cash in an envelope at the beginning of every month. No credit cards. No visibility to my dad's earnings, investments, savings, debt, etc. That is why I asked the original question, and the primary reason why I can't quit, even though DH makes 7 figures.

[Anonymous]

I’m about leave the workforce. 175k or so plus benefits.