Friends not excited for my engagement. Is it jealousy or something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aye women. Sorry OP. Jealousy is in a woman's DNA

It's envy not jealousy. Jealousy involves people such as being jealous over another person's attention to your boyfriend. Men can be just as envious.

lol, whom old you this made up “rule”?

Look up the definition of each word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A woman who eloped with no fanfare and a woman who’s been partnered for 9 years without the need to marry don’t seem like the kind of people who want to hear all about rings and proposals. Not jealous, just not interested.

Eloped in Vegas with no fanfare here. But did get the large diamond ring.😁 Married now 30 yrs. Yes I think the friends are happy for her but just not going to squeal about it. Probably will be more than happy to attend wedding but would rather dodge everything else. Anyway, Congrats to you Op!

[Anonymous]

Is it a wedding or a lifelong relationship that's your goal?

[Anonymous]

Do your friends like your now fiancé OP??

That is the only thing I can think of as to why they do not seem more interested in your happy news.

[Anonymous]

The last time I made a big deal about a friend's engagement and asked polite questions about the dress and the venue, etc, she misunderstood and clearly thought I thought I would be invited, and then she spent like 15 minutes telling me how it would be a small wedding. I already knew I wasn't invited. We're not that close. So I've dialed down the interest level because I don't want any more awkward moments like that. But I am happy for the couple.

Chances are they are happy for you. It's also possible they're not crazy about your fiancé. Hard to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I purposely act like that to people like OP. I can't stand main character syndrome people and I refuse to play into it. But I wouldn't be friends with her anyways.

You don't show any interest in your friend's life events or ask any follow up questions about them? Because any engagement with them would feed "main character syndrome"? You just sound self-centered and like a bad friend.

OP if they are genuinely your friends they should be somewhat happy / excited and show it. I'm thinking about all the polite conversation I make with neighbors or colleagues even about lower profile events in their lives. This seems standoffish to me for sure.

[Anonymous]

You are not the main character. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to your friends — I’m just not that interested in traditional engagements or wedding culture. I would likely have forgotten to ask about the ring or how you got engaged, not out of jealousy but forgetfulness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate to your friends — I’m just not that interested in traditional engagements or wedding culture. I would likely have forgotten to ask about the ring or how you got engaged, not out of jealousy but forgetfulness.

Same. And neither of these women seem into engagement and wedding culture at all so it's kind of odd to think they'd be super interested in the details for someone else when they aren't even into it for themselves.

[Anonymous]

They probably don't care for your fiancee.

[Anonymous]

You will still get married at the end of this, so who cares? Focus on what's important!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I purposely act like that to people like OP. I can't stand main character syndrome people and I refuse to play into it. But I wouldn't be friends with her anyways.

You don't show any interest in your friend's life events or ask any follow up questions about them? Because any engagement with them would feed "main character syndrome"? You just sound self-centered and like a bad friend.

OP if they are genuinely your friends they should be somewhat happy / excited and show it. I'm thinking about all the polite conversation I make with neighbors or colleagues even about lower profile events in their lives. This seems standoffish to me for sure.

DP.

People get tired of pretending to be excited about people with "main character syndrome". You are not truly friends with someone if you think they are jealous of you. So why should OP care that they don't show interest?

I tried to be super excited about one of my close friend's weddings. I don't find weddings important. DH and I just signed at the courthouse with no family or friend present. But this friend is like a sister to me, and her wedding was a big deal to her. I made it a big deal until her husband-to-be sent a nasty e-mail pointing out the things he felt I had done wrong as the maid of honor and how disappointed he was in me. Lol

I just chilled about the whole thing after that. I went through as a maid of honor, but the excitement was gone.

I should have taken that as a sign that these people had "main character syndrome". I had to be bitten a second time when my dad died and she called me whining about why she couldn't come to the funeral because she had promised to take her kids to a relative 2 hours away for the weekend and the relative was not willingly to lose that weekend with the kids so that my friend could come to my dad's funeral. She is the only close friend of mine who neither came nor asked how she could help when my father died. I love her like a sister but keep my distance from all that drama.

I bet she thinks I am jealous the next time she has a big event and I don't show up. She has told me about her other friends being jealous on different occasions.

[Anonymous]

I eloped (and am happily married 20 years later).

I don’t really understand engagement; it seems like a lengthy period of unnecessary drama; no one ever seems happy during it except insofar as they like drama generally.

I would be delighted for you when you actually got married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I purposely act like that to people like OP. I can't stand main character syndrome people and I refuse to play into it. But I wouldn't be friends with her anyways.

You don't show any interest in your friend's life events or ask any follow up questions about them? Because any engagement with them would feed "main character syndrome"? You just sound self-centered and like a bad friend.

OP if they are genuinely your friends they should be somewhat happy / excited and show it. I'm thinking about all the polite conversation I make with neighbors or colleagues even about lower profile events in their lives. This seems standoffish to me for sure.

DP.

People get tired of pretending to be excited about people with "main character syndrome". You are not truly friends with someone if you think they are jealous of you. So why should OP care that they don't show interest?

I tried to be super excited about one of my close friend's weddings. I don't find weddings important. DH and I just signed at the courthouse with no family or friend present. But this friend is like a sister to me, and her wedding was a big deal to her. I made it a big deal until her husband-to-be sent a nasty e-mail pointing out the things he felt I had done wrong as the maid of honor and how disappointed he was in me. Lol

I just chilled about the whole thing after that. I went through as a maid of honor, but the excitement was gone.

I should have taken that as a sign that these people had "main character syndrome". I had to be bitten a second time when my dad died and she called me whining about why she couldn't come to the funeral because she had promised to take her kids to a relative 2 hours away for the weekend and the relative was not willingly to lose that weekend with the kids so that my friend could come to my dad's funeral. She is the only close friend of mine who neither came nor asked how she could help when my father died. I love her like a sister but keep my distance from all that drama.

I bet she thinks I am jealous the next time she has a big event and I don't show up. She has told me about her other friends being jealous on different occasions.

That is crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I purposely act like that to people like OP. I can't stand main character syndrome people and I refuse to play into it. But I wouldn't be friends with her anyways.

You don't show any interest in your friend's life events or ask any follow up questions about them? Because any engagement with them would feed "main character syndrome"? You just sound self-centered and like a bad friend.

OP if they are genuinely your friends they should be somewhat happy / excited and show it. I'm thinking about all the polite conversation I make with neighbors or colleagues even about lower profile events in their lives. This seems standoffish to me for sure.

Fair.
However, can friends just not care, nor want to know details and Not ask follow up questions?