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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Gay Aunt or Uncle's new baby...
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Anonymous
| Has anyone ever had the experience of telling their 5 - 9yr olds about their gay Aunt or Uncle's new baby and explaining how their friend (partner) had the baby but it's now your cousin. Whew! Anyway, before the baby the whole 'gay' thing never needed to come up. Now that there's a new baby coming, the kids are going have tons of questions. How did you handle it? |
Anonymous
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It wasn't a relative, but it was close.
For the five year old, you can do this without any mention of sex (since 5 year olds know a little, but don't know that parents may have sex for fun). I just talked about how everyone picks his or her special partner to be with. I picked dad and we got married. Most boys pick girls and girls pick boys, but sometimes boys pick boys and girls pick girls. I stressed the parallels to our life (soccer practice, sunday school, household chores...) I'd tell the 9 year old separately so you can handle those questions. I have no experience with a nine year old. Good luck. In these conversations, less is more. Maybe you should stop using the word "friend"? |
Anonymous
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Jamie Lee Curtis writes great children's book on adoption. I would just go that route.
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Anonymous
| There's a great children's book out called "and three to tango" I think. May help. |
Anonymous
As a lesbian mother, I have to say that your whole tone comes across as rather offensive. I hope for your niece/nephew's sake that this is a misinterpretation on my part. |
Anonymous
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As a lesbian mom, I can tell you I'm a bit apprehensive about questions to come, but will respond with honesty (My DD is 11 months). I like the friend idea. There are many children's books with same-sex parents. (ABC A Family Alphabet Book, Whose in a Family?, All families are Special, etc). Many of the books deal with all sorts of families (extended, multiracial, stepfamilies, single parents, big families, small families, etc etc) and same-gender families are just part of the mix.
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Anonymous
| I wholeheartedly agree with the PP, and likewise hope that you don't mean to sound as disrespectful as you do. |
Anonymous
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Wow, you all have just given me new appreciation for my family and, better yet, my in laws. In my family, we just announce it and let the questions fall where they may - but usually there aren't that many because kids intuitively understand what is going on whether you discuss it or not. I remember my partner's niece telling me about the time when she was about 8 and her mom decided it was time to tell her about my partner and me. My niece told my sister in law that she and her younger sister had always known.
Oh, and I can't think of anyone who refers to a partner as a "friend". |
Anonymous
| Lots of kids have two moms and two dads. With blended families, married, divorced...you could end up with three parents of the same gender. That's life. |
Anonymous
| You know I was also thinking that OP was maybe inadvertantly being a tad bit condescending of the issue--i.e. this didn't sound like a great thing to her. But..before everyone goes off on her ..we don't know her background..a lot of people do not have experience with a "gay family" and maybe she is being clumsy. I think OP that it really doesn't have to be complicated--I would just say that xx and xx adopted or had a baby (can't remember which) and isn't it wonderful that you will have a new cousin. Why not let them pose questions if they have them instead of making this a big deal. The funny thing in my giving this response is really how far I have come--I am politically coservative but over the years, I have gotten to know so many gay people that I don't even blink an eye when one of them tells me that they are having a child--wonderful!! another little person..all kids are great!! |
Anonymous
| How about... When 2 people love each other sometimes they want to bring a baby into the world. Then answer her questions from there. |
Anonymous
Wow, I am not even gay, and I am offended. In my house it wouldn't be a problem. My small children already know that some children are adopted, some are born to us, some have one parent, some have two, and sometimes they are of the same gender. They also know the basics of how babies are born. They at this point don't know how the sperm gets into the mommy, but they know what they need to. |
Anonymous
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As a gay dad, I'd say "less is more". Let your kids guide you -- I'd simply tell your kids they're going to have a new cousin, courtesy of Uncle-Uncle/Aunt-Aunt (or Uncle and his partner, if that's more comfortable...) and go from there.
I'd also recommend Todd Parr's the Family Book. I also wasn't offended by the OP's post -- it might have come out a bit clumsy, but she's trying to deal with an honest issue. I appreciated her honesty. we all as parents have come across topics that we sincerely wonder how to address. Congrats to your kids on getting a new cousin! |
Anonymous
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Wow, I'm so glad to hear my life refered to as a "thing." Gee, any suggestions on how to discuss with my child the whole straight thing?
Come on. Answer their questions. My child knows how IVF works and knows about a dad and mom family that used donor eggs, and another that used a male donor. It's pretty much science. And truthfulness. |
Anonymous
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Another lesbian mom here. You should try your best not to be nervous when having this conversation with your kids. If you are uncomfortable telling them, they will pick up on it and could see it as a negative. Babies and families beginning are beautiful things and that is what you should try to convey to your kids.
Good luck! |