"You're still young!" Ugh
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Anonymous
| Does anyone else hate when people say that? I'm 29 and my husband and I have been TTC for 17 months now with no luck. I'm finally meeting with an RE next month after being diagnosed with PCOS by my obgyn. We've told a few close friends/family about our struggles and while most have been nice/understanding a few have done the whole "oh it's not a big deal, you're still young!" which irritates me SO badly. It just happened last night and it took a lot of me to not snap at the person. Sure, I'm "only" 29 but we've been TTC for almost a year and a half now with no luck. It could take another year + for us to get pregnant and then I'll be in my 30s. We want 2-3 kids so I could be well into my 30s before we even have baby #2. Does this frustrate anyone else and if so, how do you respond to those people? This whole TTC journey has been draining to say the least. |
Anonymous
| Well you are still very young. It's just a fact. |
Anonymous
| Same thing happened to me. 3 years to get baby #1. I was 35 and 38. Once you get things working and maybe metforin will work for you, you should be able to still have three of you want. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Im sure from the POV of a 40 yo trying for years to conceive that there is nothing more annoying than a 29 yo complaining about being told she's young. |
Anonymous
| I see midwives for my regular gyn care and mine said this to me when I was 32 and had been trying for 2 years already. It made me pretty upset actually. I get it. Sorry, OP. It’s insensitive. |
Anonymous
Thanks PP. I've been on metformin since June and so far no luck. Obgyn recommended me to an RE to start with clomid and go from there. Hoping that works combined with the metformin. |
Anonymous
Op here- no one that's said this to me has been 40+ and trying to conceive for years. Sure I can see why that would upset someone or be annoying to someone in that situation but still. Sure I'm "only" 29 but we've been trying for a year and a half with no luck. Not like I'm complaining 3 months in but more then likely this is going to be a 2+ year thing for us which sucks and being told oh it's ok because you're still young, doesn't help. |
Anonymous
|
You are still young. It's not like you're 39 and TTC. But just because you're on the "younger" side of things doesn't mean that you're automatically free from TTC issues or that you're super fertile. It's possible that you or your dh may have non-age related fertility issues. It's also possible that, naturally speaking, it simply takes you longer to conceive.
If you have concerns about how your TTC is going, why not go to a doctor and get it checked out? |
Anonymous
| I agree it’s insensitive. People just don’t know what to say. But that is so not helpful. |
Anonymous
People are just trying to be positive, what else do you want them to say? They are pointing out the upside of your situation, and it is a HUGE upside. Try to put yourself in their shoes, as you are asking them to do of you! |
Anonymous
Did you not read the post? Pretty sure it says that she has PCOS and had been seeing an OBGYN and will be seeing an RE... |
Anonymous
| I understand your frustration for trying for 17 months without success but complaining that you will be in your thirties for baby #2 is pretty ridiculous. Lots of women have children in their mid to late thirties. |
Anonymous
|
Ugh lots of PPs acting realll dense here. OP I'm sorry, of course that's really annoying / hurtful for them to say. I think there are a lot of people on this board who wait until their late 30s and early 40s to even try, so they are of course quick to pile on because yes - compared to them, you are in a relatively good position. But that's not the point.
The point is that you've been trying for a year and a half, and that sucks. Arguably it sucks even more given your age, because (it seems like) most people at 29 don't have significant issues conceiving / staying pregnant. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, I do think they're trying to be encouraging...they're trying to convey that YES it's shitty but don't despair because all hope is not lost - it's not like you're 39 and dealing with this. That statement is not particularly helpful or comforting in light of what you're going through, and I'm sure feels like they're minimizing your pain...but I'd chalk it up to people just being clueless rather than malicious. Sort of like when people say "everything happens for a reason!" Or "if you stop focusing on it, it will happen!" Or "my cousin's friend's brother's wife tried for years and when they finally gave up and adopted...she got pregnant with triplets on her own!" Not helpful, but people are generally not great at responding in these situations. Anyways - I agree it's not a very sensitive thing to say, and it is definitely rough that you've been trying to longf. However, if I may try to inject some of my own positivity here...the good news is that PCOS is quite common (~10% of reproductive age women have it!), and is widely considered one of the most treatable infertility issues. There are lots of things you can try (many of them relatively cost-efficient and non-invasive) and, yes, time is on your side. I am 30 - I came off the pill and started TTC when I turned 28, and finally received a pcos diagnosis after not getting a period for 13 months. I was referred to an re and, long story short, was pregnant within 2 months. I took femara - a $5 prescription, I just took 5 pills and it made me ovulate, we had sex and...I got pregnant. Easy as that. It was a MUCH easier battle than I anticipated. I hope it will be the same for you. I have several friends with PCOS and we've all conceived - some with help, some on their own, but it's generally pretty treatable. Good luck to you! |
Anonymous
She said "well into my thirties". And if you've been trying for a year and a half for your first and know you want multiple kids (and know that a pregnancy itself is basically a year long), it's natural to start doing the math and getting a little worried. Especially when, as stated, that math includes a lot of uncertainty such as hm, will it take me this long / even longer next time? (But OP: you shouldn't worry too much, because now you have a diagnosis and available treatment options, and that will make all the difference.) |
Anonymous
| You need to grow a thicker skin if you want to have kids. Unless you want to be posting on here every day when you're pregnant. |