"You're still young!" Ugh

[Anonymous]

The thing with infertility is it's SUCH a slippery slope. Even though statistically, there are more things that can "go wrong" at a higher age, that doesn't exclude you if you're younger. It's not a pain Olympics - it doesn't matter if the 40 y/o is "suffering more" because she's older or has been trying longer. That doesn't take away from the OP's suffering.

There are basic social graces that most human beings understand - most likely, OP isn't going up to 40 y/o infertile women and sharing these complaints.

It's tough OP. I have been in your exact shoes. Try to remember - people are just trying to be helpful. Trust me, I know it's NOT helpful at all, but they mean well. This situation is rough, and it's extremely disappointing that you find yourself going down this road. I found the best support came from women who had been through it - not the group of girlfriends I had who got pregnant on their first try. They will just never understand.

[Anonymous]

people are trying to be positive for you. would you preferred if they said "that sounds bad. I wonder if you would ever be able to have kids at all"?

[Anonymous]

OP, it's irritating because they are trying to say that what you are going through isn't difficult because you are young. Which isn't true.

I started trying right when I turned 30. I didn't actually have a baby until I was well into my 33rd year.

From an RE's perspective, you are still really young. I got told the same thing. Why? Because they are used to seeing 41 year old women who are trying to have a baby. Those years make a HUGE difference in your success rates.

While I realize you are stressed, the fact of the matter is that you have time on your side for now. If you were late 30s/early 40s you would NOT have time on your side.

I hope you are successful soon. I know TTC can be stressful, no matter your age.

[Anonymous]

Hm, what do you want them to say? Sorry you are infertile and you are lucky to live in a time that medicine allows you to pay to have a child, but that even with that you still might not get pregnant?

No, they say this because it’s nicer.

[Anonymous]

OP, as a 44 (!) year old who has been struggling with infertility for almost a decade...I will just say that I am annoyed on your behalf. Being young is not very helpful when things still aren't working the way they're supposed to! And while I do agree with other posters here that usually this is just because people don't know what to say, and they're almost always just trying to be encouraging and supportive as best they can, it is still irritating and I totally get it.

But, also agree with others here that PCOS is generally very treatable and I hope that this is true for you. OBs are basically useless in these situations but working with an RE is going to give you a really decent chance of success in short order. Wishing you lots of luck!

[Anonymous]

People mean well OP. Whenever I start to feel bothered by stuff like this I try to look at it a different way. For example, let’s suppose instead these people said,”Oh, well you’re fucked. You’ll never be a mom.” Does that help you see how something like “You’re still young” May have seemed like a good thing to say?

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. I was 28 when my husband and I were married and just a couple months later learned that without surgery and fertility treatment I could not conceive a child on my own (blocked tubes, uterine septum, etc). I started fertility treatment as soon as I was cleared from surgery (29) and it took another 2 years to finally get pregnant. I heard all the time that I should just relax, take my time, and enjoy being married because I was so young to putting so much pressure on myself.

Hang in there! The good news is, it's not always this hard! My 2nd and 3rd pregnancies were surprises after a couple years of trying for each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow a thicker skin if you want to have kids. Unless you want to be posting on here every day when you're pregnant.

God, what an irritating and unhelpful thing to say.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you and understand why this is so annoying. PCOS is very treatable since it's a hormone imbalance (vs. couples with "unexplained" infertility). Once the hormone imbalance is corrected your relative youth will be in your favor once you have embryos to transfer. So there is a silver lining. Hang in there, infertility sucks. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

I understand, PP. I got diagnosed with DOR at 32. So, I'm chronologically young, but physiologically old, at least from a fertility perspective. I just remind myself people mean well and really don't understand the situation and try to ignore them as best I can.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand completely. I first visited an RE when I was 28 years old after TTC for almost 2 years. Turns out that we had major male factor issues that would have appeared whether we were 22 or 42. Also, I have PCOS.

Fast forward several years, I'm 33 now, DH had surgery and drugs, we went through lots of treatments, and now we have 1 child from IVF and another on the way that was the product of an IUI.

The good news is that time is on your side, but anyone can experience fertility issues at any time. It's very insensitive to make assumptions based on age (which you'll see on these boards happens to 40 year olds all the time, even if they are able to easily conceive!). Unfortunately, TTC is an area of life that people think they are entitled to opine and it's very hurtful. Hang in there and good luck with your RE visit!

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound very immature on many levels. Being bothered by someone trying to help You by saying something positive? Not u sweets ding how huge of a benefit being 29 is in this area. Counting your chickens before they hatch by timing when your second baby would come. There are no guarantees in this or anything else. Just check out the special needs board if you need a reminder.

[Anonymous]

People are trying to tell you not to give up hope because time is on your side. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you are still very young. It's just a fact.

Actually, no. In the world of fertility, OP, is not "very young" at 29. Youngish, maybe, but considering that most women's fertility declines throughout their 30's, and that you can get pregnant as early as 13 or 14, 29 is not "very young."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound very immature on many levels. Being bothered by someone trying to help You by saying something positive? Not u sweets ding how huge of a benefit being 29 is in this area. Counting your chickens before they hatch by timing when your second baby would come. There are no guarantees in this or anything else. Just check out the special needs board if you need a reminder.

You seem a bit unhinged. Move along.