Wife's bad breath, doesn't shower enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi DH! I don't shower every day because it takes forever to do my hair and if I showered every day, then you'd just complain about how long it takes to do my hair. My breath smells because it's a side effect of the medication that I take daily (I've explained this). I've never waxed, so you knew what you were getting into and when I asked you about it once years ago, you said you didn't care. You've also never expressed that you'd like me to wash my genitals or shower before "relations", but if you did, I would be happy to start showering with you again (remember, we used to do it all the time before kids!). Hope that helps! Next time, feel free to talk to me in person instead of posting on a forum that you know I read daily.


*I don't know if this was my DH or not, but it sure sounds like he's describing me.

Uhhh even if you don’t wash your hair everyday, you should still be showering daily. Invest in a shower cap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DH! I don't shower every day because it takes forever to do my hair and if I showered every day, then you'd just complain about how long it takes to do my hair. My breath smells because it's a side effect of the medication that I take daily (I've explained this). I've never waxed, so you knew what you were getting into and when I asked you about it once years ago, you said you didn't care. You've also never expressed that you'd like me to wash my genitals or shower before "relations", but if you did, I would be happy to start showering with you again (remember, we used to do it all the time before kids!). Hope that helps! Next time, feel free to talk to me in person instead of posting on a forum that you know I read daily.


*I don't know if this was my DH or not, but it sure sounds like he's describing me.

Uhhh even if you don’t wash your hair everyday, you should still be showering daily. Invest in a shower cap

Why? I find it is better for me to shower every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DH! I don't shower every day because it takes forever to do my hair and if I showered every day, then you'd just complain about how long it takes to do my hair. My breath smells because it's a side effect of the medication that I take daily (I've explained this). I've never waxed, so you knew what you were getting into and when I asked you about it once years ago, you said you didn't care. You've also never expressed that you'd like me to wash my genitals or shower before "relations", but if you did, I would be happy to start showering with you again (remember, we used to do it all the time before kids!). Hope that helps! Next time, feel free to talk to me in person instead of posting on a forum that you know I read daily.


*I don't know if this was my DH or not, but it sure sounds like he's describing me.

Uhhh even if you don’t wash your hair everyday, you should still be showering daily. Invest in a shower cap

Why? I find it is better for me to shower every other day.

Great for you. Clearly, OP thinks his wife stinks.

[Anonymous]

Here is a suggestion:

OP "I prepared a bath for you, I'll clean this up while you relax a bit"...
Add some Esome salt...Glass of wine, candles lited, some lovely chocolates to set the mood!

[Anonymous]

Is this cultural? I once dated a Thai woman who showered 4 or 5 times daily. She was always squeaky clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DH! I don't shower every day because it takes forever to do my hair and if I showered every day, then you'd just complain about how long it takes to do my hair. My breath smells because it's a side effect of the medication that I take daily (I've explained this). I've never waxed, so you knew what you were getting into and when I asked you about it once years ago, you said you didn't care. You've also never expressed that you'd like me to wash my genitals or shower before "relations", but if you did, I would be happy to start showering with you again (remember, we used to do it all the time before kids!). Hope that helps! Next time, feel free to talk to me in person instead of posting on a forum that you know I read daily.


*I don't know if this was my DH or not, but it sure sounds like he's describing me.

Uhhh even if you don’t wash your hair everyday, you should still be showering daily. Invest in a shower cap

If I took medication that caused bad breath to the point it impacted my sex life, I would switch that medication real quick.

Why would your DH complain about how long it takes to do your hair? What is he waiting for? I don’t get it. How does he have time to complain? Do you have 1 bathroom or both work at home?

You should know to clean yourself before relations. It’s basic hygiene. Stop blaming your DH for your lack of hygiene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this cultural? I once dated a Thai woman who showered 4 or 5 times daily. She was always squeaky clean.

That seems REALLY excessive, and I've lived in Thailand. It is a super tropical climate though, cities are dusty, and getting caught in rainstorms is common, so people do take good care to "clean up" if they have been outside. I usually showered twice a day there (short showers) if I was outside and about during the daytime.

[Anonymous]

Does she go to the gym? I shower in the evening/night now because of going to the gym after work - it works out well for relations since I'm clean at the end of the day now rather than first thing in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s called a bidet people. Amazing how Americans are so fastidious about showering all the time and yet don’t have these in their homes to make sure their bottom parts are cleaned after every toilet visit. I also shower with my dh at night and then we have intimate time. Saves on time and water

+1. We had a little hose installed next to the toilet so we can wash our private parts often (2-3 times a day) without wasting water and time on the clean parts of my body. Why do I need to wash my legs or arms every day????? They don’t smell, sweat or get dirty. My legs can only get very dry if I wash them everyday. This is crazy. I do find it disgusting if people don’t wash their butts everytime they go to the bathroom; this is what is really dirty. European DW here

I love bidets! The Toto is a good option for americans. I'm hoping we invest in one when we upgrade our master bath.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread. If either one of us has bad breath, we simply tell the other person.

Husband approaches wife and goes in for a kiss, wife smells bad breath and says "oooh, stinky" then avoids kiss. Husband grabs boob instead and gets some water or goes brushes his teeth. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her lifestyle like OP?

Is she a busy Stay-at-Home mother to young children?

Does she work full-time AND do most of the cooking + cleaning??

Perhaps she doesn’t have the time or inclination to bathe daily.
Once you get older, a daily shower doesn’t seem as huge a priority as when you were younger.
Your hair gets drier as does your skin.

Plus these days, people are encouraged not to shampoo their hair daily as well as not shower daily due to concerns of drying out the skin & it’s natural oils, etc.

Or like other PPs mentioned, not showering daily is often a sign of being depressed.

I'm a SAHM to a toddler, I can't leave that kid alone and unattended for 15-20 minutes to shower (Italians are a hairy people). I feel lucky to shower twice a week. By the time I put the kid to bed, clean the kitchen, pick up the toys and get everything together for DH's morning routine... screw the shower. I want my six hours of sleep before toddler wakes up and we do it all over again.

If you want her to take better care of herself, be supportive in that. Positive reinforcement, buy her that expensive skincare set from the dermaspa. Upgrade to an electric toothbrush. Volunteer to takeover household chores so she can go take a nice hot shower and relax.

Sometimes we just need a nudge. It's not always about being depressed or lack of motivation, it's about not feeling like we have the privilege of self-care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Halitosis is a treatable disorder. Showering every other day is better for your skin in the winter. The answer to your question is: with empathy and an open mind.

WTF...please don't excuse this woman's poor hygiene.

It is not poor hygiene to shower every other day.

+1. As long as you take ho baths

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s called a bidet people. Amazing how Americans are so fastidious about showering all the time and yet don’t have these in their homes to make sure their bottom parts are cleaned after every toilet visit. I also shower with my dh at night and then we have intimate time. Saves on time and water

+1. We had a little hose installed next to the toilet so we can wash our private parts often (2-3 times a day) without wasting water and time on the clean parts of my body. Why do I need to wash my legs or arms every day????? They don’t smell, sweat or get dirty. My legs can only get very dry if I wash them everyday. This is crazy. I do find it disgusting if people don’t wash their butts everytime they go to the bathroom; this is what is really dirty. European DW here

I love bidets! The Toto is a good option for americans. I'm hoping we invest in one when we upgrade our master bath.

Rinsing something with water is hardly “cleaning” it. Poop is mostly bacteria. Would you seriously just rinse things under cold water that had touched raw chicken in the kitchen and call them clean?? Gross. I’ll take my daily showers with soap and very warm water and friction and a lot of rinsing over your rinsing with water after every poop but hardly ever actually cleaning anything, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s called a bidet people. Amazing how Americans are so fastidious about showering all the time and yet don’t have these in their homes to make sure their bottom parts are cleaned after every toilet visit. I also shower with my dh at night and then we have intimate time. Saves on time and water

+1. We had a little hose installed next to the toilet so we can wash our private parts often (2-3 times a day) without wasting water and time on the clean parts of my body. Why do I need to wash my legs or arms every day????? They don’t smell, sweat or get dirty. My legs can only get very dry if I wash them everyday. This is crazy. I do find it disgusting if people don’t wash their butts everytime they go to the bathroom; this is what is really dirty. European DW here

I love bidets! The Toto is a good option for americans. I'm hoping we invest in one when we upgrade our master bath.

Rinsing something with water is hardly “cleaning” it. Poop is mostly bacteria. Would you seriously just rinse things under cold water that had touched raw chicken in the kitchen and call them clean?? Gross. I’ll take my daily showers with soap and very warm water and friction and a lot of rinsing over your rinsing with water after every poop but hardly ever actually cleaning anything, thanks.

PP and I'm not advocating not showering. I shower once or even twice a day. I also like to use a bidet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her lifestyle like OP?

Is she a busy Stay-at-Home mother to young children?

Does she work full-time AND do most of the cooking + cleaning??

Perhaps she doesn’t have the time or inclination to bathe daily.
Once you get older, a daily shower doesn’t seem as huge a priority as when you were younger.
Your hair gets drier as does your skin.

Plus these days, people are encouraged not to shampoo their hair daily as well as not shower daily due to concerns of drying out the skin & it’s natural oils, etc.

Or like other PPs mentioned, not showering daily is often a sign of being depressed.

I'm a SAHM to a toddler, I can't leave that kid alone and unattended for 15-20 minutes to shower (Italians are a hairy people). I feel lucky to shower twice a week. By the time I put the kid to bed, clean the kitchen, pick up the toys and get everything together for DH's morning routine... screw the shower. I want my six hours of sleep before toddler wakes up and we do it all over again.

If you want her to take better care of herself, be supportive in that. Positive reinforcement, buy her that expensive skincare set from the dermaspa. Upgrade to an electric toothbrush. Volunteer to takeover household chores so she can go take a nice hot shower and relax.

Sometimes we just need a nudge. It's not always about being depressed or lack of motivation, it's about not feeling like we have the privilege of self-care.

Don't be a martyr. Of course you can shower every day / every other day just like 99% of SAHPs and working parents do. Having a toddler is no excuse for not showering. You choose to not do self care, it isn't your husbands fault you don't take basic care of yourself.