Wife's bad breath, doesn't shower enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often DOES she shower? It's very rare for non-depressed professional women to not shower daily.

OP here. She probably showers first thing in the morning MOST days. Thing is, she never makes any effort to clean up before potential relations occur. The other day we went to bed early, which usually portends intimacy. When I get close she forewarns against anything getting to intense, as she hasn't showered that day. If this were only occasionally, it wouldn't be a big deal, but is it too much to rinse off in the shower before heading to bed every now and then. I certainly do...

First the problem was she showers every other day, and now it's that she doesn't shower twice a day? It sounds like you have some squeamishness around natural body odors if she showered in the morning but you'd like her to "freshen up" again before sex, and you do the same. That's overkill.

+1

And the thing is, high disgust response is a sexually dimorphic trait, one that is usually found in women. As such, women are majorly turned off by "squeamish" men- it comes off as not very heterosexual or masculine. A guy who cant get erection because his wife only showered a few hours ago instead of minutes before? Very unattractive. You may want to check if you have low T, OP. I know my boyfriend is all over me on the few days when I dont shower first thing in the morning. If we're lazily laying in bed and it's been over a day since my shower, and you can start smelling the natural "scent", he goes crazy for it, to put it in PG terms. I would say most high sex drive men are like this, so you're truly making yourself look like a bit of a loser.

mm if there's one thing the screams "gay" it's not a wanting sex.

Well, if you read the other threads around here apparently wiping one's @$$-- if you are a man -- screams it even more than not wanting sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often DOES she shower? It's very rare for non-depressed professional women to not shower daily.

OP here. She probably showers first thing in the morning MOST days. Thing is, she never makes any effort to clean up before potential relations occur. The other day we went to bed early, which usually portends intimacy. When I get close she forewarns against anything getting to intense, as she hasn't showered that day. If this were only occasionally, it wouldn't be a big deal, but is it too much to rinse off in the shower before heading to bed every now and then. I certainly do...

First the problem was she showers every other day, and now it's that she doesn't shower twice a day? It sounds like you have some squeamishness around natural body odors if she showered in the morning but you'd like her to "freshen up" again before sex, and you do the same. That's overkill.

+1

And the thing is, high disgust response is a sexually dimorphic trait, one that is usually found in women. As such, women are majorly turned off by "squeamish" men- it comes off as not very heterosexual or masculine. A guy who cant get erection because his wife only showered a few hours ago instead of minutes before? Very unattractive. You may want to check if you have low T, OP. I know my boyfriend is all over me on the few days when I dont shower first thing in the morning. If we're lazily laying in bed and it's been over a day since my shower, and you can start smelling the natural "scent", he goes crazy for it, to put it in PG terms. I would say most high sex drive men are like this, so you're truly making yourself look like a bit of a loser.

mm if there's one thing the screams "gay" it's not a wanting sex.

That depends. If she has a stinky backside, then yea, I’d also avoid.

[Anonymous]

Easy.

“Babe—you probably don’t realize it, and I love you too much not to tell you—but lately I’ve noticed that your breath is not good. I don’t want you to be embarrassed but it’s pretty noticeable to I wanted to let you know so you can fix it.”

[Anonymous]

I actually had a date text me to say I had bad breath. Reading that text was embarrassing , but I went to the dentist a few days later and scheduled a Star Wars laser beam teeth cleaning. It took two visits. It included a lot of gum work. The dentist said I had minor gum disease that made my breath smell bad. Much better now.

[Anonymous]

Waterpik/ oral irrigation. Washes away food particles that cause bad breath. After brushing w electric brush, there are still food particles in my mouth that it removes. Great for gum health too.

[Anonymous]

I just telo my husband “you need to brush your teeth/take a shower.” Smell happens. I’d expect him to do the same for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her lifestyle like OP?

Is she a busy Stay-at-Home mother to young children?

Does she work full-time AND do most of the cooking + cleaning??

Perhaps she doesn’t have the time or inclination to bathe daily.
Once you get older, a daily shower doesn’t seem as huge a priority as when you were younger.
Your hair gets drier as does your skin.

Plus these days, people are encouraged not to shampoo their hair daily as well as not shower daily due to concerns of drying out the skin & it’s natural oils, etc.

Or like other PPs mentioned, not showering daily is often a sign of being depressed.

I'm a SAHM to a toddler, I can't leave that kid alone and unattended for 15-20 minutes to shower (Italians are a hairy people). I feel lucky to shower twice a week. By the time I put the kid to bed, clean the kitchen, pick up the toys and get everything together for DH's morning routine... screw the shower. I want my six hours of sleep before toddler wakes up and we do it all over again.

If you want her to take better care of herself, be supportive in that. Positive reinforcement, buy her that expensive skincare set from the dermaspa. Upgrade to an electric toothbrush. Volunteer to takeover household chores so she can go take a nice hot shower and relax.

Sometimes we just need a nudge. It's not always about being depressed or lack of motivation, it's about not feeling like we have the privilege of self-care.

Why not bathe the toddler with you? I bathed with my mother until I was old enough to bathe alone?

Or join a gym, with childcare, and shower there. You're doing something good for yourself, getting some "me time," and self care.

There are SO many options to solve this. PP is just nasty.

I'm still stuck on her getting everything ready for her husbands routine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing that irritates me most about this post is the entitlement and unspoken expectation that OP's spouse be constantly fsckable without any sort of conversation at all from OP, who isn't strong enough in their own opinions/preferences to ask for what they want.

That alone makes you pretty unfsckable, OP. If you can't have a conversation w/ your so-called partner about what you like and don't, you're probably a terrible lay.

Beyond that, listen: bodies are kinda gross, regardless of configuration. There are gonna be times when you both have unpleasant smells, sounds, etc. I agree with the PPs who suggested your standards might be somewhat ridiculous (perhaps a latex friend would be a better bet?).

But, really, it's the lack of ability to figure this one out for yourself. If you need to crowdsource "how do I say I don't like things", your relationship has bigger troubles. And yeah, maybe your spouse is willfully engaging in some anti-fsck behaviors to passive-aggressively thwart and reject you, knowing you can't/won't communicate your request(s) directly.

What irritates me most is you blaming OP for his wife being nasty and filthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I broach the subject of my wife's frequently bad breath and every-other-day shower habits affecting our intimacy? Honestly, sometimes I simply have to turn my head lying in bed. Also, keeping it clean and trim downstairs would be nice for other activities...

Trollin and bowlin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that irritates me most about this post is the entitlement and unspoken expectation that OP's spouse be constantly fsckable without any sort of conversation at all from OP, who isn't strong enough in their own opinions/preferences to ask for what they want.

That alone makes you pretty unfsckable, OP. If you can't have a conversation w/ your so-called partner about what you like and don't, you're probably a terrible lay.

Beyond that, listen: bodies are kinda gross, regardless of configuration. There are gonna be times when you both have unpleasant smells, sounds, etc. I agree with the PPs who suggested your standards might be somewhat ridiculous (perhaps a latex friend would be a better bet?).

But, really, it's the lack of ability to figure this one out for yourself. If you need to crowdsource "how do I say I don't like things", your relationship has bigger troubles. And yeah, maybe your spouse is willfully engaging in some anti-fsck behaviors to passive-aggressively thwart and reject you, knowing you can't/won't communicate your request(s) directly.

What irritates me most is you blaming OP for his wife being nasty and filthy.

Having smells isnt' "nasty and filthy". Having an attitude like yours tho...