Dating a hygiene obsessed person

[Anonymous]

OP, imagine a time in the future when you're married and have kids. Family life is stressful and you're feeling like you don't always like your husband. You love him but he's driving you crazy as any spouse can. Maybe he's resentful of X, Y, Z. You've both left behind the niceties.

He won't be politely asking if you can shower. He'll be telling you you're nasty for not showering on demand. Maybe when he's especially grumpy he'll sleep on the sofa -- or you will because you're feeling rejected or bullied. Your self esteem may be suffering, or you'll have just taken to rolling your eyes at him when he starts with his crap.

What people are trying to tell you is that this will get worse. You both may be playful and loving now, but what does this look like in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 showers a day is ridiculous. 2 showers a day as a regular occurrence is also ridiculous.

Both of you need to stop wasting water.

OP here. Most people shower each morning. How can you go to work and not shower? That’s just nasty.

Again, how can you not shower after working out? That’s nasty.

It is better to shower at night than the morning for hygenic reasons. (better to be clean when sleeping on sheets)/

There is no need to shower at night AND in the morning.

Most people don't work out every day.

Showering 2-3 times a day is really bad for your skin and a waste of water.

By the way, little kids should not be bathed more than 2 or 3 times a week. It dries out their skin and can cause eczema flare ups. Don't have kids with this main.

Showering once a day and after workouts is normal.

Showering 2-3 times a day is excessive and abnormal.

NP

Um, no. My kids get bathed almost every day. But they love being outside and active and don’t have eczema issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would he say if you proposed a camping trip? Have you ever been on vacation together?

OP here. We have gone camping and on trips. We stay in a tent but always go to a campsite with a shower and he still showers 2-3 times a day because it’s relaxing and he doesn’t like being sweating. He will take cool showers in the summer.

OMG, this guy! Whatever. Have a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds prissy.

Probably OCD or some other untreated mental issue. Hard pass.

This. And it will get worse as he ages. Throw in kids and the stresses of life and OP is in for a treat.

But she doesn’t want to hear it. So go away and go shower or something, OP.

[Anonymous]

If it was just you and him, this would be manageable. You could compromise and shower before bed, and let him wash the sheets often.

If you have kids, I think this guy will drive you nuts. Kids will drive him nuts. I can't see someone this particular being an easy person to coparent with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently OP just wants to hear herself talk.

Cool, 👍

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump him. He’s controlling.

OP here. He’s not controlling. We over use that word for situations that don’t fit it.

Yes he is. Wait until you have kids with him. Are you getting married?

[Anonymous]

Does have allergies?

I shower before bed to get pollen etc off. And if it’s pollen season, I make my boyfriend shower before bed unless he wants to sleep in the guest room, which he can if he wants.

If it’s the first few dates when a guy is sleeping over, I just put up with the allergy issue or suggest we shower together. Then I break the news

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does have allergies?

I shower before bed to get pollen etc off. And if it’s pollen season, I make my boyfriend shower before bed unless he wants to sleep in the guest room, which he can if he wants.

If it’s the first few dates when a guy is sleeping over, I just put up with the allergy issue or suggest we shower together. Then I break the news

Hit send too soon

Basically I wait till a few months in to explain the pollen issue

This is when the pollen is bad outside

This is based on doctors advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds prissy.

This. Very serious mommy issues. Guaranteed. Or a past life shoveling horse manure all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was just you and him, this would be manageable. You could compromise and shower before bed, and let him wash the sheets often.

If you have kids, I think this guy will drive you nuts. Kids will drive him nuts. I can't see someone this particular being an easy person to coparent with.

Actually could be a blessing in disguise, he’s in charge of wrangling all babies and toddlers into the tub ever night if it’s so important to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He showers in the morning, after his workout after work, and before bed. I shower in the morning and after a workout if I workout that day. I see no point in showering at 6pm and then showering again at 9/10pm before bed.

He has told me that showering right before bed is the best feeling. He doesn’t like going to bed dirty. This is also a guy who changes his sheets everyday other day.

He could have OCD. And I would not be able to deal with this sort of thing, esp. if I want to have children with this person. That would be an absolute nightmare for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He also hates if I don’t make the bed because he loves a made bed. I’ve never dated a man that was this stringent with his hygiene. I do appreciate he takes care of his hygiene, but it’s a little extreme for me.

He’s not weird about sex or anything other than he just likes “showering the day away” as he says. He finds the hot water relaxes his body. Often times he doesn’t even really wash up except for his groin area and his face.

I don’t think I need a shower at 9pm if I showered after a workout at 6pm. I’m clean and don’t smell.

I don’t think he has OCD because he doesn’t have issues in other areas of his life. His just a little hygiene obsessed.

This is not the correct conclusion here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of OCD or anxiety disorder does not bode well at all. I'd move on, OP.

Do either of you have kids?

+1. OCD. This is not good, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I won't wear pajamas more than once.
I also love showering before bed. But I don't always shower in the morning (I work from home).

I just don't understand how this can become an issue. Just shower before bed or break up with him.

OP here. I will reuse pajamas more than once because I only slept in them.

I love him and don’t want to break up. I’m fine with him showering before bed but I want him to stop trying to make me.

This is the definition of being controlling. Asking him to stop and if he still won’t then he is controlling and you need to decide if you are ok with someone who will likely continue to try and control your shower needs.