Dealing with a child's disappointment with college admissions process

[Anonymous]

DC is graduating from HS this week. She had a tough time in HS and will be attending community college for a year and then hopefully transferring to a four year institution. Today they had a school event and a newspaper was handed out that showed where everyone is going. One of here classmates is the queen bee of the mean girls and will be attending a well thought of state university. I know this girl's mother and the mom and other siblings are very nice. It is this particular kid who is as nasty and smug as they come.

This whole thing of DC going to a community college while Miss Charm is attending a four year school right off the bat seems to be depressing my kid. I have always taught her that no matter how gorgeous or popular someone is, they have problems like everyone else and to not look at them. Any other suggestions on how I can help her?

[Anonymous]

It's oK for your kid to feel sad, OP. It's natural, and they need to learn to get through it themselves. If it's not completely debilitating your kid, I'd just leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Just help your daughter be too busy to be bothered with the pitiful queen bee. Encourage healthy friendships with better girls. Have a girls' pizza party or something.

[Anonymous]

Remind her that life is long, and she doesn't want to peak too soon. Those who are queen bees in high school seem lie the be all and end all, but they are all starting fresh next year. She can be whoever and whatever she wants to be, and she has time to figure that out.

[Anonymous]

TeTel her to first about that mean girl High school is over. She has a fresh start now and tons of opportunities in front of her, if she plays her cards right.

[Anonymous]

It's hard not to be disappointed, but life might not be so rosy for mean girl. While I was not mean, I was popular and got by on my charm. I went to a pretty good university - much better than my classmates. I totally flunked out because I was not prepared - I no lager could use my charm to get by. I ended up going back to a local school, picked up my grades, and basically learned everything I should have learned before I ever went to college. Had I done what your daughter will Fe doing (starting off at a community college), I would not have crashed so hard!

[Anonymous]

Just tell her to tell herself that she is good enough!

[Anonymous]

College admittance isn't a popularity contest but an academic one.
Tell your DD that you hope that college civilizes 'Susie' some - it usually does.
I hope that your DD steps up her academic game so that she can go to a 4 year college too if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Life is long - have her find and follow her passions. Figure out what energizes her as opposed to trying to be accepted by others (I know how hard that is when you are 8, 18, 25, 32,...)

I have very happy friends who are graphic designers, translators, journalists, run a winery, went to peace corp, teachers, doctors, FBI agents, landscapers, work in HR, technology, finance ...

There are many paths in life and it is not a race so that whoever gets to their dream college first gets all of life's happiness.

This is a really hard message to hear when she looks around and it looks like everyone else has it figured out. Guess what - most of them don't.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the person who said it's okay for your DD to feel sad. I'd tell her to let this light a fire under her ass. I'd also tell her screw this bitch - she never has to see her again in her entire life. High school means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Once she starts school and makes some new friends, and maybe is learning some new things, she'll forget all about it. She can end up being more successful and happy despite the college thing. I have a graduate degree and there are many people I know that don't even have a four year degree, but make more money than I do. High school will soon be nothing but a memory for her and she'll see that there is a bigger, better world out there for her.

[Anonymous]

Definitely help her get connected with resources at CC. Encourage her to join clubs/groups and spend time on campus. CC is a good option, but the research shows that students who are more connected with school outside the classroom have higher rates of persistence. Also, help her do some research on transfer options, so she knows when she starts classes what grades she would need in order to transfer. If you can afford for her to take a class or classes over the summer, it's really helpful for cc students if they start immediately after high school graduation (no summer melt).

[Anonymous]

I am going to sound like a complete ass, but maybe DD needs to know this: barring special needs it really is not very hard to get into an average state school in this country. It is on her. She can turn it on if she wants too. On the nicer side, think of all the money saved by going the CC path. In the end ot doesnt't matter, but if she does want to feel prestige or whatever it is on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to sound like a complete ass, but maybe DD needs to know this: barring special needs it really is not very hard to get into an average state school in this country. It is on her. She can turn it on if she wants too. On the nicer side, think of all the money saved by going the CC path. In the end ot doesnt't matter, but if she does want to feel prestige or whatever it is on her.

You are correct. Your post isn't helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to sound like a complete ass, but maybe DD needs to know this: barring special needs it really is not very hard to get into an average state school in this country. It is on her. She can turn it on if she wants too. On the nicer side, think of all the money saved by going the CC path. In the end ot doesnt't matter, but if she does want to feel prestige or whatever it is on her.

You are correct. Your post isn't helpful.

It could be helpful. OP: you say you child had a difficult time in HS. Part of determining the correct response depends on why. If she has special needs, LD, mental health struggles(anxiety, depression), difficult personal circumstances, like a death in the family, etc. and gave HS a good shot, then you emphasize how proud you are of her for the progress she has made, that a year of community college will put her in a good position to go to a good 4 year college (VA colleges have a guaranteed admissions program out of CC) and that she could very well end up with a much more "successful" life than Ms queen bee. Tortoise and the Hare. I know kids in my HS class who started out in CC and ended up as doctors, lawyers and PhDs, and kids who have gone to 4 year schools and are real estate agents. If she didn't get into a 4 year school because she was partying, smoking pot and cutting classes, then this is the consequence, and yeah, PP is right. It's time she understands that actions have consequences. Only you know which situation you are facing.