Issue with church being a little too welcoming - in Diocese of Arlington

[Anonymous]

This is such a weird post and I feel so "DC" writing it, but we recently registered to be parishioners at a church that just feels a little too welcoming if that makes sense. In particular, we have had some people from a welcoming committee show up unannounced at our home a number of times and they come across more forceful than welcoming. My husband is not Catholic and the welcoming committee has asked to speak to him about Catholicism. This is clearly too much, too soon, and has come across as a bit of a turn off. Obviously, I am looking to raise our children Catholic or I would not have registered us.. I don't know, it makes me feel really uncomfortable, and the latest visit was just really too much. I grew up in the Catholic church and am not used to this kind of proselytizing (sp?), which is what it feels like to me. I am not sure if I should try to find a different church or if this is just an example of a couple of people who are a little too gung ho?

[Anonymous]

I just re-read my post and I probably seem like a jerk. They have been forcefully asking to come in the home (multiple times) even when I say that it is not a good time, pressing me for a better time, pressing me for access to my husband, etc. It just makes me very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

You're not a jerk. That's not ok. Sounds like you need to find a different church.

[Anonymous]

I'm Catholic, too, and I think this is appalling. Way too pushy.

I would switch parishes, and let the pastor know why. He might not be in control of this "welcoming" committee.

[Anonymous]

A church should make you feel welcomed and comfortable. After all, the church is really the people who are in the congregation.
If you are feeling uncomfortable, it is not the right place for you.

[Anonymous]

Another catholic here, and I wouldn't be comfortable with that either.

[Anonymous]

That's a huge problem that is not going to go away. Try a different church. Don't be shy to tell them why you're leaving.

[Anonymous]

The reason doesn't matter: if it't not comfortable for you then it is not the church for you. Keep looking.

[Anonymous]

Thanks! I appreciate it. The reason why I am hesitant to leave (but after reading these, I feel like it's the right thing to do, so I will) is that the church does have a school attached, and the other parishes with schools nearby are so crazy strict on boundaries that we can't join and become parishioners. I almost wish I could email the pastor of one of the NEW churches and sort of explain the situation and ask if we could join, but I also feel like that could come across like we are troublemakers or something, which we are not. I just want a welcoming church/school community like I had growing up! Definitely something I took for granted.

[Anonymous]

Follow up question to this (OP again) - if we just start attending one of the out of boundaries churches, do you think they'd track our attendance/giving if I use checks, since I don't have envelopes to use since I am not a parishioner? I was thinking they would maybe let us join if I have a track record of regular attendance and giving, but I'm not sure how to actually get that track record without envelopes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Follow up question to this (OP again) - if we just start attending one of the out of boundaries churches, do you think they'd track our attendance/giving if I use checks, since I don't have envelopes to use since I am not a parishioner? I was thinking they would maybe let us join if I have a track record of regular attendance and giving, but I'm not sure how to actually get that track record without envelopes?

I ran into this. You can attend, but if you're not an official in bounds parishioner, no baptism, first communions or confirmations would be allowed. I think my issue was with the same church.

[Anonymous]

Its just not the church for you and thanks ok! This would absolutely drive me to find another church.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. That is a big problem, and with the way parishes work, it's not just as easy changing to another church.

Have you been to Mass? If there wasn't this ridiculous committee showing up at your door, would you like the services & community of the parish?

If you like everything you see EXCEPT this committee, then I would get really forceful, really quick, about shutting that down. I'd ask them to please take me off their visit list and send an email to the Priest (and follow up in person) letting him know how it made you feel as a new parishioner. He needs to know about overzealous lay groups within the parish. His reaction will tell you what you need to know too - if he apologizes and says he will make sure they aren't bothering you, then you probably have a good parish with a few over-the-top group leaders. If he gets defensive and starts to be pushy about your husband, then it is worth pursuing a parish change.

Going OOB on a parish has its own set of headaches and problems. It sounds like you want to be an active member, giving, etc so for that reason I would recommend trying to resolve before switching. If you just wanted to go to Mass & sit there and enjoy and leave, I'd say switch, no problem. But when you start getting into sacraments and schools and all that, it gets problematic to be out of bounds. I have a friend who went OOB and was told she couldn't be a formal leader of a small group because she couldn't technically be a member at an out of bounds parish.

[Anonymous]

Where in Arlington Dioscese are you?

Is Catholic Elementary Education your objective?

Have you considered non-Diocesean parishes?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the input!

We have been to Mass and I enjoyed it. I also toured the school and I liked (not loved) it. So I wouldn't say I'm dead set on staying in this parish, but I was happy with everything I saw so far. I guess I'm new enough that I don't know much about it, and this has been my first "personalized" experience. So I am personally still sort of open to making the best out of it if this is just a small group of overzealous people. My husband on the other hand is so annoyed that he doesn't want to be involved with ANY church because of this but certainly not this one. Which is just real great because this group has served to do the EXACT opposite of what they are supposedly trying to achieve!!! Ughh!!

I think, given my husband, it might be better to start off somewhere new, but I recognize that may not be possible.

Yes, I would like to have the option of Catholic elementary education if possible. We are in Alexandria.

I was sort of hoping that if we are out of bounds and active and donating each week, maybe they'd let us register formally when it became time for sacraments, school, etc. I'm not looking for any leadership positions, just to be a typical parishioner! I'm just not sure if they would even track our attendance/donations since we don't have envelopes, so I don't know logistically how to deal with that end.