MIL refers to my son as "her baby," won't leave us alone

[Anonymous]

You sound like an ass, OP. My mom does the same with DD, hell, sometimes DD calls her "Ma" (because she hears me call her that). I can totally see why you want some time away from her, but be appreciative that she's totally in love with her grandchild!

[Anonymous]

Some of you will be old grandmothers one day with DILs. Remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you will be old grandmothers one day with DILs. Remember that.

Already have 2 grandchildren and 1 DIL. I wouldn't dream of behaving like OP's whacky MIL.

My MIL was a PITA, so I learned what not to do many years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you will be old grandmothers one day with DILs. Remember that.

Stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you will be old grandmothers one day with DILs. Remember that.

I do remember this, and I learn form my MIL. I will know better not to be intrusive and overbearing, not to be pushy and controlling, not to criticize and mind my own business. I will work and will have my own life aside from my son's family. If I won't be married I will try to date around. It's hard to do and easy to say, but I see how much resentment and negativity negativity my MIL causes and I want to be just the opposite of her when I grow up.

[Anonymous]

I am going through the same thing. Difficult to understand unless you are experiencing it. Mine is narcissist personality...gives us unwanted advice...puts me down as a wife and mother. I try my best to keep boundaries and keep my distance.

[Anonymous]

OP, I find that I try to get along with my mother-in-law as much as possible. I know that we don't have the same situation because my mother-in-law lives far away, but she visits us regularly and stays in our house. She has very firm opinions about a number of things and makes it obvious what she wants us to consider. I'm very communicative with her and will start with the same (as you) "Thanks, we'll consider X" When she follows up with "Did you do X?" I make sure to tell her "Oh, we researched it and we decided not to do X but to do Y." or "Yes, we looked into it and agree with you, so we'll be doing X." As long as I'm as honest with her about her suggestions we do take as I am with her suggestions that I don't take, she seems to feel better or at least stops giving me the sour looks that says she doesn't approve. This may or not work with your MIL as she is much closer and much more intrusive, but I have found that this keeps me and my mother-in-law on pretty good terms in the long run. It's based on my parents philosophy which they taught me that you should always listen to advice from whatever sources you can find/get, then sift through the advice and use only that which works for you. But I've found that often the advice that doesn't work for me now, may work for me later (like with a different child). I've had a couple of times that I've been watching someone else's child and a piece of advice that my mother gave me that wasn't working for my child worked with the other child.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Many years ago, I picked my 3 year old niece and nephew (cousins, not siblings) up and took them out to play. My niece had a brand new baby brother, and the two older cousins spent 15 minutes yelling "my baby Michael" back and forth til I couldn't take it anymore and in my 18 year old wisdom told them to knock it off, baby Michael was both her baby brother and his baby cousin. Yes, my baby for both of them.
They managed to get it. op, do you?

[Anonymous]

I envy kids who have such grandmas. My MIL hates spending time with her grandkids.

The more people who think my kids are the cutest and most darling, the better it is. Don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I envy kids who have such grandmas. My MIL hates spending time with her grandkids.

The more people who think my kids are the cutest and most darling, the better it is. Don't you think?

Nope. Not when you have a Mother or MIL who insists that you parent like they did. If I have to hear from my
mIL one more time that it's "cruel to make my daughter sleep on her back on that hard crib mattress without a pillow" or "formula would be better for her, it's so unnatural to breast feed" " my toddler needs juice for vitamins" I will punch her.

[Anonymous]

One of my nanny candidates did this. Her charges were "her babies" and she proudly told us that she was a mandated reporter for child abuse. Beware of possessive help, even the ones you are related to.

[Anonymous]

Guilt trips? Deal with this first - no one can "make you feel" a certain way. Make sure you embrace this concept. You won't make progress on handling difficult people until you change this outlook.

[Anonymous]

Once children are adults, family/or anyone shouldn't be giving advice without being asked. As a mom I can you it's a hard habit to break. Before I chime in with an observation I ask myself - would I say this to a friend? to a neighbor? if they hadn't asked my opinion, no I would not. Family is no different.

OP ~ you may have to say - very directly - that receiving advice is very stressful and that you would like to change this about your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Um, zombie thread. OP wrote this in 2012.

[Anonymous]

Be glad your son has someone to love and spoil him. Let the trivia go and establish firm boundaries (how often she can visit). If she's trustworthy, allow her to babysit/time alone with the baby.