Why is loneliness in middle age a taboo?

[Anonymous]

I think companions are better than friends. They are like lite friends who are your equal. Companions will go to the movies or a walk with you, but they aren't your psychiatrist or your banker or your postmate. You don't use them or dump all over them or gossip behind their back. They won't disappoint you like friends do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think companions are better than friends. They are like lite friends who are your equal. Companions will go to the movies or a walk with you, but they aren't your psychiatrist or your banker or your postmate. You don't use them or dump all over them or gossip behind their back. They won't disappoint you like friends do.

DP. I don’t understand this. My friends aren’t my psychiatrist or therapist. I have one of those. The companion definition sounds like a cardboard cut out or like I’d rather be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 50s, I have a lovely and supportive husband and a great job. Our house is mortgage-free. We're both in good health. We have savings and investments. We have a second home. We go on vacations, etc.

What is there to be sad about?

Well, I feel lonely and it's bringing me down.

I find it really hard to form close friendships with other women. It's not that I haven't tried, but clearly it's not working. I have a lot of friendly, casual acquaintances but no close friends. No one to call and have a chat with, or meet for coffee.
I don't know what to do about it.

It's bizarre as my job is very people oriented and involves face to face contact with clients all the time. I'm not timid.

When I mention to people that I feel lonely they look at me as if I'm an alien. It's not a topic that people feel comfortable with.

One thing that sets us apart from many other couples is the fact we are childfree, but I don't know if this plays a role.

Any thoughts?

Maybe it's because they assume that someone like you who works in a very people oriented field and who appears to be very outgoing and extroverted could in fact be lonely. They might be thinking "WHAT? That's crazy! she couldn't be lonely!" vs. "omg! she said the L word!!! run!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 50s are probably a hard spot for this. Many women your age are still in the middle of raising kids and are squeezed for time and energy. In a few years, many more people your age will be empty nesters and have a bit more time for hobbies, getting together, etc.

This is me but I'm looking for friends. The problem is that most people have already found their tribe and I feel like the assumption is that if you haven't by this point then there is a problem with you. In my case, I am a bit awkward and don't always have the best social skills.

I feel this way in my mid-40s.

[Anonymous]

Adding my voice to the chorus. Middle age, children leaving for college. I turn around and am wanting to have people to do stuff with, know them, let them know me. I don't need a therapist but I'd love to find someone who simply understands this stage of life because it is unlike anything we've been through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar boat. I have reached out to people, but for whatever reason, nothing positive has come out of it. I have tried volunteering, but it's been more of an individual activity than I realized. I started a book club, but that also has not led to friendships, only acquaintances.

Some posts have mentioned meetups and social groups. Would someone be able to post some specific examples or links?

I'm sorry to hear that so many are struggling, and I hope we all find some connections.

I hear you and I feel your pain.

I am the OP of this thread. Just like you I feel that I only attract acquaintances but no one moves from 'acquaintance' or 'casual friend' to close/best friend.

My husband and I live in a small community. It's very pretty and safe, and it's generally a very friendly place to live. When we moved here I thought it would be super easy to make friends, but this is not necessarily the case.

Some women are cliquey. Not in an unfriendly or nasty way, but they seem to have a select group of friends and I am not one of them, even after living here for 15+ years. In the meantime they remain cordial and friendly but nothing more. The relationship remains stagnant. Reaching out to them to form a closer friendship just doesn't work.
I don't know if it is me or them.

I wish there were a dating site, but just for friends!

I believe that Bumble (dating site) has a friend matching feature