Out of patience - out of discipline ideas - and stressed out

[Anonymous]

All these ideas are great. One thing that helped us as well is One, Two, Three Magic. I read the book and did exactly what it told me. So did my husband. It worked with our monkey child who climbs everywhere as well as with our independent child who thinks she is capable of doing anything an adult does. Scoop ice cream by herself, make herself an omelet, drive the car, whatever. I love 1,2,3 because there is no screaming. Just, 1,2,3. Sorry, timeout. You must be consistent and don't react with passion, anger, screaming. Don't let your kids push your buttons. OR at least don't let them know they pushed your buttons.
As far as spanking goes: I have done it. What made me stop was realizing that it doesn't work. Not only did everyone feel horrible about it, it didn't make a dent in my children's behavior. Maybe they are weird, but they didn't care. Good luck.
Oh, and my kids just turned 5 and 3 last month. Things are much better than they were at 4 and 2. Already. I have empathy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Finally, on the issue of support, do you have friends you can vent to and commiserate with? It's so important for you to realize that you're not alone on this. And trust me, you're NOT! For every rude and judgmental poster on this board, there are 20+ of us who completely get it.

Hang in there and good luck!

Interesting you bring that up. Almost all of my friends are teachers, super patient, and just seem to be better at this stuff. So, I end up feeling I can't always really vent without sounding like a complete failure. I know my friends would not think that of me, its just I seem to be the only one strugglng at this level in my immediate circle. My parents are pretty distant from us (emotionally and geographically) so they unfortunately don't really help.

That's just how they are in public. There isn't a parent on the planet who hasn't had a day like yours (or more accurately, many days like yours). It's hard. For everybody.

Yes, yes, YES!! I totally agree with this post above. OP: Please know that every single mother out there has had moments of feeling the way you describe. Even those who seem in public like they are nothing but patient, sweet and loving all the time. The truth is we've all had the "bad parent" moments again and again -- it's just that many people are too proud or ashamed to admit it to each other. This is one of the reasons I love this board. In between the nasty comments is a whole lot of honesty that can be hard to find in "real life."

So . . . in my humble opinion, your only problem is that you're expecting yourself to be super-human. From the sounds of things, you're killing yourself to be perfect at a job (parenthood) where that is impossible by definition. If I were you, I would give yourself permission to be less than perfect. Otherwise you're going to drive yourself into the ground AND you will be modeling some pretty unhealthy behavior to your children (i.e. they may learn to hate themselves if they're not perfect, too. Not good.) S

One way to practice being nicer to yourself is to start a gratitude journal for your eyes only. Each night, list three things that day that went well or that you are proud of or that you like about yourself. Include the really small things -- you held your tounge rather than screamed when your DC threw his lunch all over the floor (hee hee . . . I'm working on this one in my life). Whatever it takes. Just practice giving yourself credit for everything you're doing well. It sounds like you've got A LOT in that category.

And again, consider letting yourself be more vulnerable with your friends. It sounds like you think they will be kind and supportive. My guess is that they will also tell you they relate to what you're saying. I know I do!

[Anonymous]

OP: Thanks, everyone. Today was a better day. I rented those books (thank you) and have tried really hard to NOT yell today, and of course, to not hit. So far so good. Man, this is tough work though. Ironically a former colleague called today asking if I'd be interested to come work for her. And in truth I can't say I want to....SO, what does that say?

[sarasigrist]

Not a panacea but a humble suggestion: join a gym that has childcare. You get a break, the exercise helps you, kids get a break form you.