Weird Situation with stepdaughter's mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange that the mom has a lexus on a $50k salary. Thats not alot to have a child and afford a car like that (even with a lease) so maybe OP is concerned the money is not being spent on for the child.

My girlfriend has a used lexus that she got very inexpensively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I understand why everyone think that my post sounds bitchy, but there is more to the story. The little girl's mom and my husband were never together, it was a fling, she got pregnant right before I started dating my husband. She doesn't have a family, so she sees my husbands family as hers. My husband wants to pay what he is supposed to and not deal with her at all. We (DH and I) feel like she is taking advantage of his family. She drops off the little girl at my MIL's house every Friday and picks her up on Sundays, she doesn't really spend a lot of time with her.

regarding the school, does a three year old really need a 20K a year education? I mean, my In-laws are not rich, we are not rich, she definitely is not rich.

you are right though, it is not my business.....but she is using them.

Ok, you either are not from DC, you don't have kids, or you are a total idiot. Not sure which - but I'm going for the trifecta.

Also, it doesn't matter if it was a 1 night stand. The "little girl" is his child, his daughter (you can't even say daughter can you...you just keep saying little girl...so odd how you distance yourself for her). His daughter, their granddaughter. Of course they want to spend time with her - odd that she's at MIL's on weekend and not with you and DH.

[Anonymous]

The girl can probably get financial aid if her mom only earns 50K. And frankly, $600/month is not that much. My former husband provides $1300/month. That just covers our DS' daycare costs.

[Anonymous]

I know everyone's piling on you, OP, but they really do have a point.

And regarding the grandparent's being taken advantage of, I think they are probably thrilled to be a big part of their grandchild's life. I doubt they would do it if they didn't want to. And they're possibly trying to compensate for the mean father and stepmother - perhaps they're ashamed of him. Sounds like he needs to talk it through with his parents so that (1) he doesn't feel they are being taken advantage of and (2) they don't continue to feel ashamed of the lack of support their son gives to his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Also, it doesn't matter if it was a 1 night stand. The "little girl" is his child, his daughter (you can't even say daughter can you...you just keep saying little girl...so odd how you distance yourself for her). His daughter, their granddaughter. Of course they want to spend time with her - odd that she's at MIL's on weekend and not with you and DH.

Really! I feel so sorry for the little girl in this situation. She has a bitch of a stepmom and a bitch of a dad. The OP is making the child's mother out to be a horrible witch. Even if she is, OP's husband chose to sleep with her. If the woman is as bad as you say she is, OP, your husband as just as bad with his poor judgement. For knocking up a one-night stand and for marry a woman who doesn't want him to take care of his child.

$600 per month is nothing!

[Anonymous]

13:49 Actually she doesn't have a point, she's got a suspicion. Her husband, the girl's father, doesn't even know if his own parents are giving the mother money. Again, she may be earning more than they realize. Or inherited money. Why do they knew her salary? Why are you so caught up in this OP? My hunch is you haven't come to terms with the fact that this child is going to be world forever. You sound jealous of the little girl!

[Anonymous]

The grandparents' relationship with this child and her mother are NONE of your business. And guess what, this child came first and don't be surprised if she takes precedence over any kids you might have eventually. Sounds like the mother has done a beautiful job of being gracious and loving toward the grandparents, who are FAMILY to this child and by extension, the child's mother.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't the child at her father's house each weekend? It sounds like it is a good thing that the grandparents are picking up his slack.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry men with minor children- problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:30 is right. All the adults in this situation, except the grandparents, seem really immature.

And thank you peanut gallery for...NOTHING!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry men with minor children- problem solved.

Well, that was easy. Put your little twirl wand down and sit on it. REALLLYY!!! Not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the toughest parts about being a stepmom is the real lack of control. But, you have to get over this if you're ever going to be happy in this situation. In many situations in life, providing money means you have a say. But not in this one. The girl deserves her father's support. And, you don't really get a say in how that money is spent. Like I said, if its an issue of the girl not being treated well, her dad needs to address that. But, if its just one of those cases of different priorities in using money, you have to just do the right thing on your end (provide support) and let it go.

Stepmom here- THIS.

Going to court, even if the order is higher, may reduce stress b/c it will make things more predictable. You can also work together out of court to formalize things and have the order enforced by the court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry men with minor children- problem solved.

Well she already married him, so your advice doesn't really solve anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girl can probably get financial aid if her mom only earns 50K. And frankly, $600/month is not that much. My former husband provides $1300/month. That just covers our DS' daycare costs.

The financial aid calculation takes into account the fathers income as well.
I think every preschooler deserves a $20K education.

[Anonymous]

A few things.

1. Whether it was a one-night (or -minute) stand or a 20 year marriage, your DH's financial and moral responsibilities to his CHILD are the same.

2. $600/month is very, very low.

3. Yes, they should formalize their arrangements. Expect him to pay a lot more $.

4. About the $20K/year "education" -- is this for full time care or a few hours a day or what? If it's anything close to full-time care, that's not very expensive.