Question to moms only

[Anonymous]

I don’t let my daughter sleep over at any new friends houses. It doesn’t matter which family members are present.

As she’s getting older I try to avoid most sleepovers since we saw the trouble that could happen with our oldest. Nothing sexual but stories of sneaking out, driving and experimenting with alcohol or drugs. Our older kid wasn’t as into sleepovers but many friends were and a lot of things like that occurred. Our younger teen keeps asking and the answer is no for all of these new friends. We invite kids here and get to know them first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you let a young teen sleep over at a new friend’s house when only the father is present? Mom is traveling. At first it was supposed to be a group of girls but the other ones aren’t joining after all.

And we wonder why so many teen girls have anxiety. Sleepovers are not always dangerous places, and yet, that's what we are teaching our girls. If you have taught your daughter about appropriate/not appropriate touch, and this girl is a friend let her spend the night with her friend!

I wouldn't let my daughter sleep over at a stranger's house. That's what the adults in the house are at this point in time. It's different if you have known the family for a long time and trust them.

It's also not a matter of appropriate/inappropriate touch. Teens know all about it. But, they're still kids and will in all likelihood not be able to withstand coercion from a grown man. This is the kind of thing that entirely alters the trajectory of a child's life, so I would not be willing to take chances.

[Anonymous]

Hard no from me. If my daughter is upset, I’d put it back on her that she needs to find out all the relevant info and let me know before asking me for a decision. If the info changes later, so could the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you let a young teen sleep over at a new friend’s house when only the father is present? Mom is traveling. At first it was supposed to be a group of girls but the other ones aren’t joining after all.

NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I certainly wish the mom had told me that the other girls won’t be there before I said yes to my DD. Now she’s justifiably upset.

Move this sleepover to your house.

[Anonymous]

It is relatively common for both boys and girls to get molested by someone they know and trust at sleepovers. Usually their parents know and trust the perps as well. A large number of those molested don't tell anybody and go on to get molested again. Whether they are "trailer trash" or well known, respected and affluent has little to do with it.

Tell your daughter about what happened to the girls at Mike Gardner's house while they were sleeping together in sleeping bags in the basement, his wife was asleep upstairs, he had been drinking. At least one girl had the guts to immediately tell a parent the next day, that was good but didn't stop her from getting molested. The nightmare associated with the event continued for years through court cases, etc. and probably continues to this day for the victims.

If you explain the reality of how these things happen to your daughter and she still wants to go then that's up to you. Like another PP I see no good reason for sleepovers, the risk may not be huge but the possible consequences are.

https://www.fcnp.com/2015/09/30/gardner-pleads-guilty-on-all-child-molestation-charges/

https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/convicted-sex-offenders-picture-and-message-appear-in-victims-high-school-yearbook/65-d9a3eb15-1b77-47f5-969d-c8fdd86164d6

[Anonymous]

New friends, and don't know the parents well, means no sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

I had an emergency come up when my DD had a sleepover planned. DH said that he would absolutely not be in a house with tween girls without me present. It is best for both sides to not put themselves in this situation when it is not necessary.

[Anonymous]

I think the fact that you're questioning this tells you your answer. Listen to your instinct. Maybe it's overkill, but given the changed circumstances, it's reasonable to rethink this. Just because you say no today doesn't mean it will always be a no. Give yourself more time to get to know the other girl and her family.

You could always have the other girl come to your house instead.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn’t let my DD go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an emergency come up when my DD had a sleepover planned. DH said that he would absolutely not be in a house with tween girls without me present. It is best for both sides to not put themselves in this situation when it is not necessary.

My DH is the same way. He would say the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that you're questioning this tells you your answer. Listen to your instinct. Maybe it's overkill, but given the changed circumstances, it's reasonable to rethink this. Just because you say no today doesn't mean it will always be a no. Give yourself more time to get to know the other girl and her family.

You could always have the other girl come to your house instead.

OP. I had offered to take her there and pick her up around 10-11pm as PP had suggested or alternatively take them to one of our really nice malls where they could walk around and then have dinner with me and DH but DD is so upset, she doesn’t want to do anything. I tried, several times.

[Anonymous]

you all are weird

ofc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an emergency come up when my DD had a sleepover planned. DH said that he would absolutely not be in a house with tween girls without me present. It is best for both sides to not put themselves in this situation when it is not necessary.

he is icky

[Anonymous]

The word “mom” is really transphobic, OP. The correct term is “birthing parent.”

Do better.