Question to moms only

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely not about wealth or education, and even knowing them is no guarantee. I think it depends on your kid and how confident you feel about them. In those situations I think a full assault is less likely than something coercive.

[Anonymous]

In some ways 2 girls might be safer than a whole group in that she will probably be tight with the friend the whole time.

I don’t think there’s any real rational way to evaluate these risks. The best protection is probably always just to arm our daughters and tell them if anything makes them the slightest bit uncomfortable they can call or text or you will be there in an instant. I’ve told my girls to make up a fake excuse if it makes them feel better — migraine or forgot my mom told me o had to walk the dog tonight or whatever. I’ve also told them that they can text me a set code and I will call fake mad at them that they are in big trouble and have to come home immediately, or with other fake thing like a sick relative or whatever.

When I hear stories from people who were molested by adults, the common thread seems to be that they were afraid to speak up and often ignored their gut instincts that the situation was not okay.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, trust your gut and go with it. Kids get upset with the decisions we as parents make. But in the end, it is our job as a parent to keep them safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this a question addressed only at moms? Are fathers not capable of evaluating the risks?

What is your impression of that family? If they are trailer trash, I wouldn't let her sleep over even if the mom were present. If it is an educated, reputable family, I would let her sleep over.

reputable, rich men can be rapists too.

[Anonymous]

No, but we don't do sleepovers. There is really no need. The mom being there would not change my answer, you don't know these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP, trust your gut and go with it. Kids get upset with the decisions we as parents make. But in the end, it is our job as a parent to keep them safe.

I don’t even know enough to have an intuition about them. Never met the mom and barely saw the dad for a second, during which he seemed unpleasant. Being unpleasant doesn’t make him a molester and I really don’t have a gut feeling about him either. I just don’t like the situation. Anyway, DD is super upset but I am glad I stood my ground. DH thinks it’s not an issue that there could be an issue with the father but thinks the father won’t watch them and they’ll drink alcohol or take drugs, which I think is ridiculous and DD would never do it. So this is why I’m asking moms only because my own DH is so strange and can’t evaluate risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you let a young teen sleep over at a new friend’s house when only the father is present? Mom is traveling. At first it was supposed to be a group of girls but the other ones aren’t joining after all.

And we wonder why so many teen girls have anxiety. Sleepovers are not always dangerous places, and yet, that's what we are teaching our girls. If you have taught your daughter about appropriate/not appropriate touch, and this girl is a friend let her spend the night with her friend!

[Anonymous]

Invite them to sleep over at your house instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a new friend, no. But our existing friends, yes. I trust all the fathers in our small circle of friends.

This. A new friend I don’t think it would matter if the mom was there. I’d say no.
A friend we had gotten to know, yes I would and I have.
DD is 11 and knows what grooming is , what red flags are, to change in private etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this a question addressed only at moms? Are fathers not capable of evaluating the risks?

What is your impression of that family? If they are trailer trash, I wouldn't let her sleep over even if the mom were present. If it is an educated, reputable family, I would let her sleep over.

They are wealthy but I don’t know them. I met the father for all but 1 second and have never met the mom.

What does "wealthy" have to do with it?

This is a no not because it's just the dad there are plenty of single fathers. No sleepovers when you don't know the parents period.
Why are you doing sleepovers they are so dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you let a young teen sleep over at a new friend’s house when only the father is present? Mom is traveling. At first it was supposed to be a group of girls but the other ones aren’t joining after all.

And we wonder why so many teen girls have anxiety. Sleepovers are not always dangerous places, and yet, that's what we are teaching our girls. If you have taught your daughter about appropriate/not appropriate touch, and this girl is a friend let her spend the night with her friend!

Nope, not necessary.
We don't know the parents my kids do not sleep over.

OP clearly cares that the parents are "wealthy" not trusting her judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I certainly wish the mom had told me that the other girls won’t be there before I said yes to my DD. Now she’s justifiably upset.

She doesn’t want to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you let a young teen sleep over at a new friend’s house when only the father is present? Mom is traveling. At first it was supposed to be a group of girls but the other ones aren’t joining after all.

And we wonder why so many teen girls have anxiety. Sleepovers are not always dangerous places, and yet, that's what we are teaching our girls. If you have taught your daughter about appropriate/not appropriate touch, and this girl is a friend let her spend the night with her friend!

Nope, not necessary.
We don't know the parents my kids do not sleep over.

OP clearly cares that the parents are "wealthy" not trusting her judgement.

OP. I don’t care that they’re wealthy, the PP had asked me and I responded. It doesn’t influence my decision at all.

[Anonymous]

Just offer to host yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but we don't do sleepovers. There is really no need. The mom being there would not change my answer, you don't know these people.

You shouldn't have responded. Clearly this was a question for people who normally allow sleepovers. And FYI, there's "no need" for a lot of things - they're done because they are fun to do.