Bat mitzvah gift etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We are immigrants who were not exposed to the Jewish religion before coming to this country. My DD was invited to a Bat Mitzvah and we googled about it. DD wore a temple-appropriate outfit and we gave money that was a multiple of $18 in a card.

When I went to pick her up, I was quite surprised to see how inappropriately some of the other American non-Jewish girls were dressed. I think it is not hard to read up on these things nowadays and follow the etiquettes of not only gift-giving but how to dress and conduct oneself. Really, there is no excuse.

What is "appropriate dress"? I'm curious to see which bigotry you are applying here. Top #3 guesses so far are mysogyny, chauvinism, and religious supremacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

So all that hard work is for…cash? Gotcha. It’s clearly a money grab for you.

You are a crass and classless person, who is deliberately trying to be obtuse!

- DP

Half the people on here are insisting on amounts to cover lunch, nothing less than x, you absolutely must give a gift, etc.

Every other party these days people are near horrified if you mention the word gift. Yet every Bar Mitzvah post is shaming people for doing less than $$$ in amounts of x, you’re trivializing and undermining if you don’t give lots of $$, etc

It reads like a gift grab.

:roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

Stop. Any gift is appreciated. Multiples of 18 are traditional.

- parent of recent bar mitzvah kid

I agree. Anything is appreciated. But the attitude of "throw $x in a card" is trivializing the occasion. The attitude, not the amount.

Oh, brother. The didn't say to throw a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child got invited to a bat mitvah- there is no party just a service and thr luncheon right after at the temple. Should he give a gift or not? If so, when would he give the gift?

Yes gift. Bat Mitzvah is a celebration of an accomplishment. Like you would bring a gift to a confirmation.

Doesn't need to be large.

Can even be a check for $18 that is nice. Or muliples of that ie $36 etc... Or buy something you know a 13 year old would like.

Bring the gift to the service there will be a table or box for gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We are immigrants who were not exposed to the Jewish religion before coming to this country. My DD was invited to a Bat Mitzvah and we googled about it. DD wore a temple-appropriate outfit and we gave money that was a multiple of $18 in a card.

When I went to pick her up, I was quite surprised to see how inappropriately some of the other American non-Jewish girls were dressed. I think it is not hard to read up on these things nowadays and follow the etiquettes of not only gift-giving but how to dress and conduct oneself. Really, there is no excuse.

What is "appropriate dress"? I'm curious to see which bigotry you are applying here. Top #3 guesses so far are mysogyny, chauvinism, and religious supremacy.

NP here but shoulders covered is the norm.

[Anonymous]

It's nice to chip in to defray the cost of a party you enjoy. Rich people should give more than poor people. On the other side, it's gauche to judge a gift.
There's no expectation because it's a community, not an obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We are immigrants who were not exposed to the Jewish religion before coming to this country. My DD was invited to a Bat Mitzvah and we googled about it. DD wore a temple-appropriate outfit and we gave money that was a multiple of $18 in a card.

When I went to pick her up, I was quite surprised to see how inappropriately some of the other American non-Jewish girls were dressed. I think it is not hard to read up on these things nowadays and follow the etiquettes of not only gift-giving but how to dress and conduct oneself. Really, there is no excuse.

What is "appropriate dress"? I'm curious to see which bigotry you are applying here. Top #3 guesses so far are mysogyny, chauvinism, and religious supremacy.

NP here but shoulders covered is the norm.

And that's absolutely not something that "Jewish girls" do but "non-Jewish" girls don't. So that would be in the category of "religious supremacy" with a maybe on mysogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

It’s a freaking birthday party, $20 is plenty. If they’re rich they can throw in a $50 but most people aren’t rich.

If it were a birthday party they wouldn’t want expensive gifts, or any gifts at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

So all that hard work is for…cash? Gotcha. It’s clearly a money grab for you.

You are a crass and classless person, who is deliberately trying to be obtuse!

- DP

Half the people on here are insisting on amounts to cover lunch, nothing less than x, you absolutely must give a gift, etc.

Every other party these days people are near horrified if you mention the word gift. Yet every Bar Mitzvah post is shaming people for doing less than $$$ in amounts of x, you’re trivializing and undermining if you don’t give lots of $$, etc

It reads like a gift grab.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We are immigrants who were not exposed to the Jewish religion before coming to this country. My DD was invited to a Bat Mitzvah and we googled about it. DD wore a temple-appropriate outfit and we gave money that was a multiple of $18 in a card.

When I went to pick her up, I was quite surprised to see how inappropriately some of the other American non-Jewish girls were dressed. I think it is not hard to read up on these things nowadays and follow the etiquettes of not only gift-giving but how to dress and conduct oneself. Really, there is no excuse.

What is "appropriate dress"? I'm curious to see which bigotry you are applying here. Top #3 guesses so far are mysogyny, chauvinism, and religious supremacy.

NP here but shoulders covered is the norm.

Depends on the synagogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

So all that hard work is for…cash? Gotcha. It’s clearly a money grab for you.

You are a crass and classless person, who is deliberately trying to be obtuse!

- DP

Half the people on here are insisting on amounts to cover lunch, nothing less than x, you absolutely must give a gift, etc.

Every other party these days people are near horrified if you mention the word gift. Yet every Bar Mitzvah post is shaming people for doing less than $$$ in amounts of x, you’re trivializing and undermining if you don’t give lots of $$, etc

It reads like a gift grab.

+1

Gosh you're just shy of calling jews money grubbers, aren't you. Taking a break from the Gaza thread I guess.

[Anonymous]

We give $18 or $36.
My kids (3) were each invited to about 20 of them. I didn't have more than this to spend on random kids from school and sports teams. Our low level gifts didn't seem to effect anything socially as the invites kept coming and the friendships continued.

[Anonymous]

I cringe so hard every time I see the expectation that a guest at a wedding, bat mitzvah, whatever, should cover the cost of attendance. Hosts invite guests to celebrate, period.

I feel like this is a NY/NJ thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw $20 in a card.

Uh, no. That is undermining all the YEARS of hard work it took to get to this day.

What! No. You are showing up, supporting them by watching the service and celebrating with them. Any amount in a card is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We are immigrants who were not exposed to the Jewish religion before coming to this country. My DD was invited to a Bat Mitzvah and we googled about it. DD wore a temple-appropriate outfit and we gave money that was a multiple of $18 in a card.

When I went to pick her up, I was quite surprised to see how inappropriately some of the other American non-Jewish girls were dressed. I think it is not hard to read up on these things nowadays and follow the etiquettes of not only gift-giving but how to dress and conduct oneself. Really, there is no excuse.

What is "appropriate dress"? I'm curious to see which bigotry you are applying here. Top #3 guesses so far are mysogyny, chauvinism, and religious supremacy.

NP here but shoulders covered is the norm.

Well…the bar is a lot lower now. All we can hope for is they don’t wear sweatpants and slippers