if your child is living at home while in college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are my rules for adult kids at home, who want to live there rent free:

1. Do you own laundry & dishes (this has been the rule since they were 12)

2. I don't care about the room itself, but the common areas of the house need to stay clean

3. Go to school (no skipping)

4. Hold a job

5. Pay for your own gas/car/clothing

6. Chip in around the house. If you see the trash full, take it out, replace the bag. If dishwasher is full, run it, empty it.

7. Be home at a reasonable hour or let someone know if you will be staying out a friends house

8. No sleep overs with a GF/BF. It's awkward and I have younger kids.

Get your own apartment if you don't like the rules.

Ditto to all of this!

[Anonymous]

I certainly hope you are not paying for his education. It 'teachers' him nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Just to clarify: DS did get accepted into safety and they will hold his spot for one year. However, he wants to go to UVA with VCCS guaranteed transfer agreement.

Charging him rent seems illogical. He is saving us a lot of money by going to CC first year. The program designed so that he does not loose credit/time. We are saving at least 20K this year. If he is unable to transfer to UVA he can still go to safety and transfer all the credits.

I love the list of rules. I am curious how do you enforce them? It's easier to draw the line with bringing home guests/girlfriend. But how do you control bedtime/skipping classes with 18 year old? He tells me that he has it under control and "everything is fine".

Stop trying to " control the bedtime."That's not your job or your place tor an 18-year-old. But if he stays up, he still goes to class no matter how tired he is. Presuming you're paying for CC, that's a requirement of you doing that and him having free rent.

If the bedroom mess isn't food, close the door. Do not do his laundry, for crying out loud. Skipping class "because he doesn't have a clean shirt?" Does he need a mental health evaluation? Not being snarky, and yes, it could just be laziness, but also could be depression or something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enforcing a bedtime with 18 year old, lol?
Seriously, let go of anything that is not house related.
Treat him like a roommate. Draw up a list of expectations that deal with the house. So long as no food in his room, shut the door and leave it. HE shouldn't be doing 'chores' but he does have household responsibilities - semantics, perhaps, but the idea is that you contribute to your living space. No bedtimes, no nagging about skipping classes, homework. This is is his opportunity to learn how to manage it. Better now than last year in college.

Agree with all of this. Maybe he does have his classes under control. Maybe not. But there’s nothing OP can do about that. He’ll either figure it out or he won’t.

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school, my parents unplugged and took the WiFi router to their bedroom when they went to sleep at night. Effective in cutting off internet, but annoyed me to no end.