Do you send your kids to friends house with cash?

[Anonymous]

My DD is at the age where she and her friends are able to walk into downtown Bethesda alone. I always make sure my DD has money for lunch or a drink, etc. Kids frequently meet at our house (dropped off by parents) with the plan to go to lunch but the other kids never bring money. Since they meet at my house am I obligated to pay for them? I offer them snacks at my house but they want Starbucks, etc. I don't want to be cheap but paying for several kids each week adds up.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. If they want Starbucks let them mooch off their own parents.

[Anonymous]

If my kids are planning to go out with friend I do suggest they take $5 or so. If other kids come over and it's a kid who never brings money but then tries to mooch off my kid then I do meet the parent in the driveway and say, "The kids may walk over to Starbucks; I was planning each girl would pay for herself - does that work for you and McKenzie?"

[Anonymous]

This is how we handle it:

1. Kids go somewhere alone -- kids pay their own way.

2. Kids go with parents -- parents will pay for food and something like movie tickets, for all kids. For something more expensive like theater, each kid pays for the tickets.

In other words, if all I'm doing is driving, I am not hosting. But if I've invited another child to join us, I am hosting and I will pay for them.

[Anonymous]

I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

[Anonymous]

When your daughter invites these kids over she should specifically say "Hey if we want to walk into Bethesda for lunch my mom said we can. Bring some money and we can go."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

Honestly, this seems harsh. If my child has a friend over and they spontaneously decide to run to Starbucks, I'm not going to "punish" the other child for not bringing money, especially if it wasn't part of the original plan. This just seems petty. I'm actually surprised so many of you are so punitive. Either make it clear in advance of the plans, or pick up the slack. Its not a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

Honestly, this seems harsh. If my child has a friend over and they spontaneously decide to run to Starbucks, I'm not going to "punish" the other child for not bringing money, especially if it wasn't part of the original plan. This just seems petty. I'm actually surprised so many of you are so punitive. Either make it clear in advance of the plans, or pick up the slack. Its not a lot of money.

When it's three or four kids twice or more per week -- it is a lot of money. Last week a parent dropped off her kid and said "that sounds like fun getting manicures" and left. I was on the hook for $30. Are these parents clueless or cheap?

[Anonymous]

If the kids are teens and want to go out alone they can pay their own way. That seems reasonable. Though I'd be inclined to give my kid a $10 and say "treat yourselves to Starbucks today."

If kids are going somewhere with me, I'm going to pay. Lunch, starbucks, whatever. Unless it's something like the mall and they see clothing or a movie and want to purchase with money they happen to have. But basically, anything I feed or pay admission to for my kid, I will do for kids that are joining our family for the day. Know what I mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the kids are teens and want to go out alone they can pay their own way. That seems reasonable. Though I'd be inclined to give my kid a $10 and say "treat yourselves to Starbucks today."

If kids are going somewhere with me, I'm going to pay. Lunch, starbucks, whatever. Unless it's something like the mall and they see clothing or a movie and want to purchase with money they happen to have. But basically, anything I feed or pay admission to for my kid, I will do for kids that are joining our family for the day. Know what I mean?

The kids get off at my kids bus stop a few times a week without any cash and then want to go out for coffee, a cupcake, a salad or all three. I don't understand the other parents not sending cash or reciprocating. We're severl weeks into the school year, this extra cash is adding up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Its not a lot of money.

Well, lucky you!

We do not regularly (meaning once a week) run into Starbucks or a cinema casually as a family, because of the cost. So unless it is someone's birthday or equivalent celebration, I would not want to pay for my childrens' friends, when I cannot even afford to pay for my own family.

I will give my child some money if he knows he will participate in such activities, which hopefully will not be too often. Also making sure to explain exactly what are my budget expectations for him. It is extremely rude to assume the other family will just be able to cover all the costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

Honestly, this seems harsh. If my child has a friend over and they spontaneously decide to run to Starbucks, I'm not going to "punish" the other child for not bringing money, especially if it wasn't part of the original plan. This just seems petty. I'm actually surprised so many of you are so punitive. Either make it clear in advance of the plans, or pick up the slack. Its not a lot of money.

I'm the poster you quoted. It isn't about whether it is a lot of money or not; to some families, 4 people going out to Sbux once a week is a lot and is unnecessary when coffee is available at home. OTOH, there are others where every adult grabs a coffee at Sbux every day. You don't know what someone else's budgeting is like so you shouldn't assume that they'll just cover the cost for your kid. I agree that if you can afford it and it happens once, there is no need to punish the other kid. But as OP has said, these kids are getting off the bus many times a week after school and wanting coffee, salads, and Starbucks - it is not her personal problem (and she didn't say how old they are, but they are pretty much doing what my fellow biglaw associates and I do with our paychecks - why should she fund that for others' kids?). I usually find that when a kid wants to go out with his friends on an unplanned outing like coffee or whatever and he doesn't have money, he says he can't and looks like he feels bad and is apologetic for not having or bringing money. In that instance, I am fine treating a kid once because I know he didn't expect me to. When the same kid does it over and over, you can tell there is an expectation -- that is what the OP needs to avoid.

[Anonymous]

A weekly trip to starbucks for 4 could easily be $80 a month. That would be a problem with my budget - we dont g to stabucks at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume this is happening because they don't mention the plan until after the other kid's parents have left? If they get together at your house and then decide to go to Sbux or lunch, as they're leaving, you can say "you'll need about $5-10, does everyone have that?" When a kid/a few kids say no, you can say "sorry - you guys will have to plan on lunch next time then." Thus clarifying that you/your kid aren't treating. You can still tell them they're welcome to go walk around downtown and can plan on getting lunch/coffee next time. If that happens once or twice, the kids will suddenly start planning better and will bring $5-10 with them; if you or your kid start paying, it will become an expectation and you may not want to add an extra weekly $20 to your budget.

Honestly, this seems harsh. If my child has a friend over and they spontaneously decide to run to Starbucks, I'm not going to "punish" the other child for not bringing money, especially if it wasn't part of the original plan. This just seems petty. I'm actually surprised so many of you are so punitive. Either make it clear in advance of the plans, or pick up the slack. Its not a lot of money.

When it's three or four kids twice or more per week -- it is a lot of money. Last week a parent dropped off her kid and said "that sounds like fun getting manicures" and left. I was on the hook for $30. Are these parents clueless or cheap?

Cheap. In this area, I find that most people think about money A LOT. Cost of living is high and to some extent, habits are out of control. Thus, if they can get another parent to supply their kid's fun money for a week, certain types of people will jump at it. They don't expect to be called out on it - bc often the one who is stuck paying feels bad making a big deal out of $30 for fear the other parent will think they have a money issue etc. I don't randomly spend $30 of myself, so I'm certainly not doing so for someone else's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When it's three or four kids twice or more per week -- it is a lot of money. Last week a parent dropped off her kid and said "that sounds like fun getting manicures" and left. I was on the hook for $30. Are these parents clueless or cheap?

I think you might be the clueless one. If you invited the kid over, then when the parent arrived you mentioned this activity, then you are on the hook to pay for it. You are hosting the child and then offering an activity. It would be different if you had arranged beforehand and said "I am dropping Susie for a manicure. The cost is @$30. If Jane wants to come, you can drop her off at 2pm and I will drive them over. Just send the cash along with Jane"