which private school has the most "mean girls"?

Forum Index » Private & Independent Schools

◄ 1 2 3 4 ► Go

Go to page...

11/23/2009 12:51

Subject: Re:which private school has the most "mean girls"?

Anonymous

I have spent quite a bit of time reading what is available in "parenting" literature on the "mean girl" phenomenon and spent some time in the trenches as a female who attend one all-girls school for 4 years, and now as a mom of an 8 year old son and 6 year old daughter. It is interesting stuff, especially because there is a widely held and accepted belief that girls do better in all-female school environments. I do not disagree with this but do think its the best enviroment for all girls.

I have been amazed at the gender differences I see in my children and theirs peers. I say this as one who, prior to becoming a parent, adhered to the "gender differences are purely socialized" theory. Now, my son is probably a bit more "gentle" than many of his peers but he still has overt male tendecies and gravitated to cars, trucks, airplanes, construction, etc.. as a young toddler even though I provided him with feather boas and sparkly wands and baby dolls. My daughter on the other hand has a deep nurturing streak but has little interest in dolls, preferring stuffed animals, much like me as a child, and is a super confident, intensely athletic and fearless child, most unlike me as a girl. She and some of her friends displayed some "mean girl" tendecies in preschool (yes, I was shocked) and it was definetly a power/control thing in the classroom. The boys were largely unaware or pawns in the girls' shenanigans. Luckily, I was very friendly with all the moms of the girls involved and we handled it as both a mom "group" and then individually with our daughters. Now, I can state with deep confidence that all but perhaps one of the mothers was never a mean girl herself, nor a queen bee type mother. The girls were not inheriting this tendecy nor observing it in their mothers' socializations, rather, they were very strong, smart, confident girls and were testing out their newfound independence and strength. They were justing doing it in a rather nasty way. What made it all work out was that all of the mothers addressed it as a whole.

I have noted that oftentimes, mothers who were "mean girls" themselves in school, often have some of the best advice and perspective when this comes out in their daughters. They usually learned their lesson in high-school or college when the tables were flipped on them. Much like the famous 1800s saying that "reformed Rakes make the best husbands" so do school day "mean girls" often make the best mothers of girls. I have found that women who are "mean girls" as grown-ups were rarely the queen bees as girls. Rather they observed or even were the victims of the type and decided to us it as grown-ups once they found themselves in a more "powerful" position. These moms are not going to breed inherently "mean girls" but are much less likely to discourage the behavior and may even encourage it in their daughters when it raises its ugly head. That I find to be the most dangerous type of adult woman and the most dangerous type of mean-girl.