DS's Muslim friend - How to make him feel more included?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

It's not a problem, per se, it's that the parents had never run into it (the parents who provided the rice krispie treats were Jewish, FWIW). It's that the parents get nervous that they will offend or cause trouble, so they don't reach out as much as they may otherwise.

I'm a practicing Muslim and TBH I'd be rolling my eyes and excluding those kids too. Not specifically bc of Rice Krispy treats bc these days there are lots of kids who don't eat lots of things due to allergies - who cares if they want a cookie instead. BUT having known a lot of Muslim families all my life, I've found that the ones that indoctrinate their kids to follow every arcane rule at such a young age ARE hyper conservative AND ALWAYS easily offendable. I'm sorry but gelatin is very low on the list of things you're not supposed to eat bc it MIGHT be pork derived (it isn't always); it's not like the room parents offered the kids a pork chop or a shot of whiskey or something.

Better to avoid those types and let those 3 kids socialize amongst themselves. The more "assimilated" Muslims or at least those with more moderate Muslims that want to be included will be apparent to you bc they won't start a relationship with -- my faith doesn't allow this, that, and the other thing.

This is very true, IME!

I'm not Muslim, but I am a minority and another non-Christian/non-Jewish religion. This has absolutely been my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

Bringing Kosher law which is similar to muslim dietary restrictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

Bringing Kosher law which is similar to muslim dietary restrictions.

With a hint of nastiness, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

Bringing Kosher law which is similar to muslim dietary restrictions.

With a hint of nastiness, yes.

Nanny here. I've nannied for families who were Jewish (conservative) and Muslim (also conservative). Frankly, there is very little difference between Kosher and hallal in terms of what is allowed, but there are major differences in the ways that foods are prepared. The Muslim family shopped at a Kosher grocery store because they knew that they could trust anything in the store (no pork, no shellfish, etc).

There are parents who won't want to engage with a family when there are differences in allergies, religious dietary restriction, discipline, comfort with showing wealth, or anything else that sets them apart. That's on those parents, and there's nothing that OP can do to force the situation without possibly making it worse for the child in question. If OP's child wants to invite the other child to their house, that's wonderful. Unfortunately, the child needs to learn that he will be judged, and he needs to learn to deal with it. It's very likely that when he is high school, he will have a full beard, and kids are going to think it's weird. He needs to learn to self-advocate and teach the kids around himself, and OP's son can help by showing that there is nothing wrong with him. OP just needs to make sure that her son doesn't become the boy's only friend, as that could be very hard on her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

Bringing Kosher law which is similar to muslim dietary restrictions.

With a hint of nastiness, yes.

Nanny here. I've nannied for families who were Jewish (conservative) and Muslim (also conservative). Frankly, there is very little difference between Kosher and hallal in terms of what is allowed, but there are major differences in the ways that foods are prepared. The Muslim family shopped at a Kosher grocery store because they knew that they could trust anything in the store (no pork, no shellfish, etc).

There are parents who won't want to engage with a family when there are differences in allergies, religious dietary restriction, discipline, comfort with showing wealth, or anything else that sets them apart. That's on those parents, and there's nothing that OP can do to force the situation without possibly making it worse for the child in question. If OP's child wants to invite the other child to their house, that's wonderful. Unfortunately, the child needs to learn that he will be judged, and he needs to learn to deal with it. It's very likely that when he is high school, he will have a full beard, and kids are going to think it's weird. He needs to learn to self-advocate and teach the kids around himself, and OP's son can help by showing that there is nothing wrong with him. OP just needs to make sure that her son doesn't become the boy's only friend, as that could be very hard on her son.

Muslims do eat shellfish, and I've never heard that it's likely the kid will have a beard in high school, I am Muslim and obviously know a lot of Muslims, none of the younger ones have a beard. I just wanted to share my perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

We sent our son to a Jewish preschool. So all of his food items had to be kosher. There's a big overlap between kosher and halal. However, not everything kosher is acceptable. Ther is a halal Crispy Treat - lol! Just type halal rice krispie. I'm sure they taste fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

What is your problem?

Kosher and halal practices overlap. sorry if you find the truth offensive

[Anonymous]

Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that.

How on earth could the rice krispies thing be an issue? What is there to deal with? I WOH full time and am not involved in making rice krispy treats for my sons' friends, regardless of their religion. We usually have some packaged snacks at the house (sun chips etc.) that kids can eat some of when they are over, or if they don't want to or can't eat it, they are welcome not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that.

How on earth could the rice krispies thing be an issue? What is there to deal with? I WOH full time and am not involved in making rice krispy treats for my sons' friends, regardless of their religion. We usually have some packaged snacks at the house (sun chips etc.) that kids can eat some of when they are over, or if they don't want to or can't eat it, they are welcome not to.

Don't get the kids in the middle b/c the parents are conservative. It's not hard to find an acceptable snack. What's the big deal? bottom line - If the parents are insular, then the kids will suffer. But why rub salt in the wound by being so petty about snacks?

Who's the grown up?

[Anonymous]

Show them a website with one way tickets to wherever they came from.

[Anonymous]

It does not matter whether muslim , jewish, or baptist. I would not want my children to hang around religious families that have arbitrary rules like no snacks that may have pork.

When will the insanity stop?

How can you have 2 doctors that are conservative muslims? it is an oxymoron to have intelligent educated people that believe in science and yet believe that their god is the correct god of the 3000 gods that humans follow.

the whole shiite vs sunni tribal war is based on violence that happened in 680 - After Ali also was assassinated, with a poison-laced sword at the mosque in Kufa, in what is now Iraq, his sons Hasan and then Hussein claimed the title. But Hussein and many of his relatives were massacred in Karbala, Iraq, in 680. His martyrdom became a central tenet to those who believed that Ali should have succeeded the prophet. (It is mourned every year during the month of Muharram.) The followers became known as Shiites, a contraction of the phrase Shiat Ali, or followers of Ali.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/04/world/middleeast/q-and-a-how-do-sunni-and-shia-islam-differ.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does not matter whether muslim , jewish, or baptist. I would not want my children to hang around religious families that have arbitrary rules like no snacks that may have pork.

When will the insanity stop?

How can you have 2 doctors that are conservative muslims? it is an oxymoron to have intelligent educated people that believe in science and yet believe that their god is the correct god of the 3000 gods that humans follow.

the whole shiite vs sunni tribal war is based on violence that happened in 680 - After Ali also was assassinated, with a poison-laced sword at the mosque in Kufa, in what is now Iraq, his sons Hasan and then Hussein claimed the title. But Hussein and many of his relatives were massacred in Karbala, Iraq, in 680. His martyrdom became a central tenet to those who believed that Ali should have succeeded the prophet. (It is mourned every year during the month of Muharram.) The followers became known as Shiites, a contraction of the phrase Shiat Ali, or followers of Ali.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/04/world/middleeast/q-and-a-how-do-sunni-and-shia-islam-differ.html

So you're going to alienate the child b/c of the "sins of the parents?"

You don't have to adopt the kid. It's a snack or a 2-hour playdate.

I'm an atheist and can't stand veiling! However, I'm not going to make a little kid feel sad about his life by dredging up ancient beliefs. Kids just want to play!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are dealing with that at our school now. Three new Muslim kids in the classroom and their parents are extremely conservative. The kids can't eat rice krispy treats, for example, because commercial marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is likely pork-derived. And many of the parents aren't sure how to deal with that. And the kids DON'T get invited for play dates.

Would it be a problem if it were Jewish kids that would not eat marshmallows because of the gelatin? They do make kosher marshmallows, which should be fine with Muslims.

Thanks for bringing Jews into this. There's always the person who does that.

Bringing Kosher law which is similar to muslim dietary restrictions.

With a hint of nastiness, yes.

Nanny here. I've nannied for families who were Jewish (conservative) and Muslim (also conservative). Frankly, there is very little difference between Kosher and hallal in terms of what is allowed, but there are major differences in the ways that foods are prepared. The Muslim family shopped at a Kosher grocery store because they knew that they could trust anything in the store (no pork, no shellfish, etc).

There are parents who won't want to engage with a family when there are differences in allergies, religious dietary restriction, discipline, comfort with showing wealth, or anything else that sets them apart. That's on those parents, and there's nothing that OP can do to force the situation without possibly making it worse for the child in question. If OP's child wants to invite the other child to their house, that's wonderful. Unfortunately, the child needs to learn that he will be judged, and he needs to learn to deal with it. It's very likely that when he is high school, he will have a full beard, and kids are going to think it's weird. He needs to learn to self-advocate and teach the kids around himself, and OP's son can help by showing that there is nothing wrong with him. OP just needs to make sure that her son doesn't become the boy's only friend, as that could be very hard on her son.

Muslims do eat shellfish, and I've never heard that it's likely the kid will have a beard in high school, I am Muslim and obviously know a lot of Muslims, none of the younger ones have a beard. I just wanted to share my perspective.

Im a Muslim and shellfish cannot be consumed under the school of thought we follow.

[Anonymous]

Why other people's preferences your problem, OP? Invite DC's friends to your home and gatherings. This is good enough. You can't force others to think and feel like you do. Even if what that child says is objectively true.