Anyone else never fallen in love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 32 never been in love. I've had 1 long term bf. didn't work because I just didn't live him. I've been in lust but not lately . It takes a lot for me to like people.

me too. And I find that the only guys that want to date me are the users and assholes

[Anonymous]

I never fell in love until I met the man I married. I was 26.
And I never got crushes on guys when all the other girls in school began to go boy crazy. In 9th grade I thought I must be gay since I wasn't crushing on boys. But then I realized I wasnt crushing on girls either.

Op, do you feel okay about your situation? If you do, I don't see a reason to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

I was a later bloomer and didn't fall in love until 28 - I wasn't looking and meeting this person was very unexpected - at a bar of all places. Wasn't that I was picky, I just wasn't meeting that many guys that interested me. But after he and I broke up (after two years) I haven't been in love since (and it's been a few years). It's hard to meet someone that you really click with. I would just keep putting yourself out there. Sometimes you really need to meet many many people before you find someone you connect with.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you are not attracted to men, and are attracted to women instead but are fighting the attraction due to religious beliefs, moral issues, etc.

Or maybe you just haven't met the right person yet. If so, that is completely okay too. You are still relatively young + there is still plenty of time left to meet Mr. Right.

However, if you haven't fallen in love by say 32 or 33, then I may seek counseling to see if there are any internal issues that may be preventing you from falling in love.
Most esp. if you plan on having children since by this time your biological clock may be ticking as well.

Good luck in your future endeavors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you never fall in love? What exactly is wrong with you??

Doesn't mean something is wrong with her.

I know people who seem to constantly fall in love, flitting from brief affair to brief affair, with huge emotional losses when it is over. That worries me more in terms of mental health than never falling in love.

Amen to the bolded. I have been in love, but only a couple of times. When I do fall, it's a long-term situation - I'm loyal like a dog, willing to put in the effort to try to make things work, and it takes me a while to get over, even if I know it's for the best that it does end.

People who jump from relationship to relationship (aka serial monogamists, with little/no time in between relationship) scare the stuffings out of me. If it's that easy for them to fall in love, what is so special about their current partner? Why would they stay and try to work things out when it gets hard (as it always will), when they can so easily find a replacement?

If you genuinely think there may be some unrealistic expectations holding you back, then yes, it's probably good to look into that (possibly with a therapist). But if you honestly just haven't met anyone who you would consider sharing a future with/ you would throw yourself in front of a bus to save, maybe you just don't fall in love easily or haven't met enough people that you've found one to fall in love with. Continue dating, especially more actively, if love is what you want, but don't beat yourself up about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have said that at 28. Then I met my husband at 29.

Same here. Part of it was that I never allowed myself to fall be in love. I had a truly horrific childhood and my self protection skills were/are formidable. My father died (best thing that ever happened to me still even after DH and kids) when I was 20 and it took me years to get to the point that I was willing to allow open myself up emotionally to a romantic interest. Sure, I'd had sex, dated, etc. but I'd never let myself be vulnerable before I met DH at 29. We've been together almost 20 years and I've finally healed enough that I know I could, again, open myself up to love with another man. But, I'm happily married. Nice to know I could if I wanted/needed to.

This. People should try to learn more about their early childhoods, in order to better understand these issues. The impact is permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have said that at 28. Then I met my husband at 29.

Same here. Part of it was that I never allowed myself to fall be in love. I had a truly horrific childhood and my self protection skills were/are formidable. My father died (best thing that ever happened to me still even after DH and kids) when I was 20 and it took me years to get to the point that I was willing to allow open myself up emotionally to a romantic interest. Sure, I'd had sex, dated, etc. but I'd never let myself be vulnerable before I met DH at 29. We've been together almost 20 years and I've finally healed enough that I know I could, again, open myself up to love with another man. But, I'm happily married. Nice to know I could if I wanted/needed to.

This. People should try to learn more about their early childhoods, in order to better understand these issues. The impact is permanent.

+1 I had a lot of early childhood issues that had me stuck in patterns with poor choices for partners, seeking out relationships that reminded me of my broken childhood relationships, and engaging in the same self-preservation behaviors. I didn't break out of this for a long time, and until I got some counseling.

Also: after I got divorced (late 30s) and returned to the dating scene (for the first time in like 18 years!), I was dealing with a really different pool of women, many of whom were of the commitment shy variety, and what the first quoted poster above says is pretty much textbook for at least three of these "never fell in love" types. And after a couple of them dumped me, I noticed, while doing the post-mortem on the relationship, that I was often just the latest in a long line of discards...discards who went on to pretty good healthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and PP here: the commitment phobes can save (hold back) the vitriol and contempt for the 'serial monogamists' who are no more broken (or unsuccessful) than the phobes themselves are when it comes to forming and maintaining healthy relationships. They are just two sides of the same coin.

[Anonymous]

Could be a lot of things. You might be gay. You might be less sexually driven or less romantic than some people. You may have some emotional issues, like a fear of commitment. Or you may just not be meeting people you like enough to fall in love with them.

I haven't been in love in years because I don't really have the time to put into dating to meet many people, and the few I've dated haven't stayed in the picture long enough to fall in love. (I'm a single mom of a young child.)

[Anonymous]

10:52 here - I think that 3:18 has a valid point. There are some people who hop from relationship to relationship. Some of them are emotionally healthy, but some are not. I have two friends who are my age (42) and one has been divorced four times and just bought a house with a guy she'd been dating for 6 months. Another friend is probably divorcing for the third time and has literally never been single since early high school, for longer than about a week. Clearly their serial monogamy is maybe not the ideal. it doesn't make you commitment-phobic if you don't want to stay with a person who doesn't make you happy - that just makes you someone who is comfortable being alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you never fall in love? What exactly is wrong with you??

Doesn't mean something is wrong with her.

I know people who seem to constantly fall in love, flitting from brief affair to brief affair, with huge emotional losses when it is over. That worries me more in terms of mental health than never falling in love.

This is kind of me, always these super strong feelings for a guy who was emotionally distant or unavailable. Didn't love me back, or if he did care not nearly as much. I think I was finally falling in love with a guy, like reciprocated where he loved me too, but it ended for other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you picky? I was like you a couple years ago, I'm 27 by the way, because I was so picky. He had to have a certain look, live in a good area, had a certain education, and blah blah blah. Then I realized that I'm pushing 30 and never been in love because I found flaws in all my past men, that may not have been flaws. I met a guy, and he changed my world. I fell in love instantly and he didn't meet ANY of my requirements. We may think we know what we want, but it wasn't what I needed. Open your heart!

+1

Actually I was 25 when I fell in love and he was the one. I realized he met all of my requirements that I didn't even know I had: he made me laugh and we could talk about real issues. He also had the physical attributes I found attractive (blue eyes/dark hair) and some I never thought would be attractive (facial hair and pot belly). You're in love when something like a pot belly doesn't turn you off.

[Anonymous]

You know you're lonely as shit when you your start reaching out to find other mofo's and make sure its not just you.

Good luck OP

[Anonymous]

I didn't really fall in love until I met my now husband when I was 30. I was definitely a late bloomer, but i'm way happier with the way it turned out. I'd rather have few relationships and find the right one then lots of unfulfilling ones that lead to heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

I think real, mutual, lasting falling in love is actually not that common, so I think you're totally normal, OP.

Also, life is long. When I was in grad school, I lived with and cared for a wonderful elderly couple who were (relatively) healthy but wanted someone in the house to make sure they were okay, help with meals, drive them places, etc. It turned out to be one of the richest experiences of my life.

They both were widowed when they met, in their late 70s, early 80s. She had been divorced when young, then married (happily) again and raised a family, then widowed less than a year. He'd been happily married to one woman most of his adult life and raised a family, but was also now widowed. IOW, they'd both had long, fully, happy lives with a spouse and children.

They told me the tale of their courtship with such glee:

"I told him I couldn't see him for lunch. It was too soon. I wasn't ready to see other men."

"I told her, I'm coming for you at noon, whether you're ready or not!"

"I called off the wedding twice. I thought, what would people think?"

"So instead we were living in sin together!"

They were the most joyful people I've met. They laughed at everything. Between them, they'd had breast cancer, colon cancer, lung cancer, c-spine fracture, heart disease and more, but they just kept living--and laughing and loving. They traveled, had dinner parties, went to events, ate great food, and went to bed drunk and happy, holding hands, almost every night.

I spent New Year's Eve with them, drinking the most expensive wine I've ever had. At one point, while he was tending to something, she bent over and whispered to me, "I've loved other men in my life. I loved my late husband. But I've never loved anyone like I love him."

So, they found their soul mates when they were about 80 years old. Life is long.