I don’t really miss my life before kids

[Anonymous]

It depends on the phase you're in. Different kids are different levels of difficulty.

[Anonymous]

Agree OP - but I know I have many blessings that make this possible. This includes a DH who helps a lot around the house and with DC activities. Grandparents who don’t live close, but were always willing to come a watch DC when they were little to give us a break. My kids are all neurotypical. We have enough money for everything we need, but not enough for everything we may want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't miss my life before kids, but I also don't think it was meaningless. I was just ready for a new season of life.

I will say, though, that I have very easy, healthy, neurotypical kids.

Thank you for making that point. It’s easy to not miss pre-parent years when your kids are healthy and neurotypical.

Ask a parent who has been caring 24/7 for decades for a bed bound profoundly disabled child.

Or a parent who cares for a nonverbal combative profoundly autistic child who will never ever say ‘I love you’ to that parent.

[Anonymous]

Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

+1

I can't imagine any parent saying you dont miss "freedom". What an odd choice of words to try and make non-parents feel worthless or useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

I think OP is just sharing how she feels about her own life, and is not passing judgment on anyone else. But I'll pass judgment: I don't know you or your life, but you sound absolutely miserable because happy people don't take this much offense at what was a pretty innocuous and personal observation.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel this way too. And I was someone who was pretty happy without kids, wasn't sure I wanted to become a parent, and still think I could have lived a very happy life without.

Even though my life can be restricted and tedious at time because I'm a parent, I frequently have these moments where I just think about the meaning of what I'm doing. The thought that what I'm doing now will stick with my kids into adulthood, and impact how they treat other people, can feel really profound.

I derive a lot of meaning and purpose from parenting that I didn't feel from the things I was doing before becoming a mom. It's been a really positive thing in my life and I'm glad I did it.

[Anonymous]

The two are not mutually exclusive. Missing one’s twenties does not wanting to relive them and definitely not in one’s 40s or 50s. My 20s had a place in my life, their beauty and purpose which does not need to be recreated.

[Anonymous]

I did not find my pre-kids life meaningless. I developed really important friendships I maintain to this day. I dated and had fun and figured out what I wanted in a relationship. I figured out who I was separate from a relationship or kids. I think this is an incredibly pivotal time in anyone's life personally and especially important for women. Who am I without my parents or a guy or not being someone's mom.

All that said, I really like my life with kids and am not interested in going backward in any way. The only thing I miss at times is what someone else mentioned...the lack of feeling so tied to other humans' ups and downs and emotions. It is a lot being someone's parent and from what friends tell me it doesn't go away when they don't live with you anymore either. There are days and moments when this feels exhausting and it would be nice to feel that carefree unburdened feeling again briefly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

I miss the travel. I skied out west a lot, had a ski house with friends, weekends in Nantucket, Europe, etc. what used to be $1,000 now starts at $3,000. We still travel to all those places but on a much more limited basis.

Meh. We did this too - we will do it again when the kids go to college. NBD.

You will hop back on the slopes with all your friends piled into a ski house and it will be like you are all in your 20s? Even if you do it won't even remotely be the same experience. How could it be? It's fine to admit you won't experience those things again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t miss life before kids either. I’m actually dreading being an empty nester!

Being an empty nester is amazing, but I also didn't wrap up my identity in being a mother.

I raised a good kid and now it back to me enjoying my time and the remainder of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the phase you're in. Different kids are different levels of difficulty.

This. OP has easy kids but doesn’t know it. I haven’t slept more than 4 hours in a row, even once, in 3 years. I definitely miss my pre-kid life.

[Anonymous]

We were married for almost five years before we had a baby and it was a great time as we both were working on our careers, we traveled a decent amount and we just had fun with all of our childless friends. Becoming a mom was transformative for me as overnight you grow up and realize you are fully responsible for the life of another human being and you have never experienced such love. I miss the kid free days but they can’t compare to life today regardless of the chaos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

I think OP is just sharing how she feels about her own life, and is not passing judgment on anyone else. But I'll pass judgment: I don't know you or your life, but you sound absolutely miserable because happy people don't take this much offense at what was a pretty innocuous and personal observation.

Ok, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

I miss the travel. I skied out west a lot, had a ski house with friends, weekends in Nantucket, Europe, etc. what used to be $1,000 now starts at $3,000. We still travel to all those places but on a much more limited basis.

Meh. We did this too - we will do it again when the kids go to college. NBD.

You will hop back on the slopes with all your friends piled into a ski house and it will be like you are all in your 20s? Even if you do it won't even remotely be the same experience. How could it be? It's fine to admit you won't experience those things again.

Here is the part you don't want to see. Yes we will do things like that, but as wealthier, more mature people. The ski house will be fully stocked with king size beds and ensuite bathrooms. Dinners will be steakhouses and fine wine versus pizza and beer. The night won't be quite as late, but the sleeping in will be worth it.

It is ok to admit that your life stopped at pregnancy, but to many of us, the younger child raising years were a mere detour.