Do you feel awkward or comfortable around your child's teachers?

[Anonymous]

Direct and no nonsense?

Private school teachers stay vague and fuzzy. Some don’t even hand back tests or Standardized tests until winter break or summer break!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Direct and no nonsense?

Private school teachers stay vague and fuzzy. Some don’t even hand back tests or Standardized tests until winter break or summer break!

Not at our school.

[Anonymous]

I am a teacher and have awesome relationships with my families. They feel totally comfortable and are very supportive but I am an extrovert and go above and beyond to make sure they are included as much as they choose to be regarding our classroom. I answer all questions very promptly, allow for them to stop by during my breaks to discuss their child, and even have a remind.com account that is very active so they see what we are doing and see their kid in the classroom. If they have a terrible day, I will use Google Voice and have them chat with their parent and talk about it. I even post a few pics of my private life (Christmas pic or kids). In 13 years of teaching, I have only had one angry parent but that is because she was amidst a nasty divorce and I still helped her in any way that I could. Teachers are often parents and we are a team with our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and have awesome relationships with my families. They feel totally comfortable and are very supportive but I am an extrovert and go above and beyond to make sure they are included as much as they choose to be regarding our classroom. I answer all questions very promptly, allow for them to stop by during my breaks to discuss their child, and even have a remind.com account that is very active so they see what we are doing and see their kid in the classroom. If they have a terrible day, I will use Google Voice and have them chat with their parent and talk about it. I even post a few pics of my private life (Christmas pic or kids). In 13 years of teaching, I have only had one angry parent but that is because she was amidst a nasty divorce and I still helped her in any way that I could. Teachers are often parents and we are a team with our parents.

You sound awesome. This is always what I hope for with each year— teachers who are invested in my kid and view us as partners in helping her get where she’s going. I also really appreciate getting a glimpse of our teachers’ lives outside the classroom. I think it’s important we all see each other as individuals and as people, not just generically like “teachers always think X” or “parents always assume Y.” People are different, which is good. I don’t want to be cynical about this and I hope the teachers aren’t either.

[Anonymous]

No, but I'm uncomfortable in schools since I had such a hellish experience and was suicidal while going. Teachers and admin hated me, told me they hated me, and I was bullied for 12 years. Actually also in college ,bc three or four of them happened to go to the same small college I went to.

So I'm uncomfortable in schools. But my kid is not me and she is loved there and thrives, and that's amusing to me. Listening to her teachers share the awesome qualities I know she has makes me SO happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and have awesome relationships with my families. They feel totally comfortable and are very supportive but I am an extrovert and go above and beyond to make sure they are included as much as they choose to be regarding our classroom. I answer all questions very promptly, allow for them to stop by during my breaks to discuss their child, and even have a remind.com account that is very active so they see what we are doing and see their kid in the classroom. If they have a terrible day, I will use Google Voice and have them chat with their parent and talk about it. I even post a few pics of my private life (Christmas pic or kids). In 13 years of teaching, I have only had one angry parent but that is because she was amidst a nasty divorce and I still helped her in any way that I could. Teachers are often parents and we are a team with our parents.

You sound so busy pumping out how great you are that you probably miss noticing a lot. You have no way of knowing if people are totally comfortable with you. I act confident and comfortable and am not. Nobody but my dog knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and have awesome relationships with my families. They feel totally comfortable and are very supportive but I am an extrovert and go above and beyond to make sure they are included as much as they choose to be regarding our classroom. I answer all questions very promptly, allow for them to stop by during my breaks to discuss their child, and even have a remind.com account that is very active so they see what we are doing and see their kid in the classroom. If they have a terrible day, I will use Google Voice and have them chat with their parent and talk about it. I even post a few pics of my private life (Christmas pic or kids). In 13 years of teaching, I have only had one angry parent but that is because she was amidst a nasty divorce and I still helped her in any way that I could. Teachers are often parents and we are a team with our parents.

You sound so busy pumping out how great you are that you probably miss noticing a lot. You have no way of knowing if people are totally comfortable with you. I act confident and comfortable and am not. Nobody but my dog knows.

What? Pp above is crazy! She simply stated what she does and gave ideas for how to connect with parents. Maybe get help. This is why parents have issues with teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mention that your interactions with your preschool child's teachers are fine, so maybe it's just an off year?

No, I don't think your interactions are going to be strained from here on out. Probably you just are not meshing with the personalities of the 1st grade teachers and it's just a one-off. Just remember it's the end of the year and boy has it been a hard one, so give some grace and hope for a better fit next year.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coming to the end of my oldest's 1st grade year, I'm surprised to find I still feel pretty awkward when interacting with his teachers. It's just the in person interaction that feels uncomfortable -- we communicate via email and very occasionally text and that all feels normal. But pretty much every pick up, drop off, or school event, I find myself feeling awkward and uncomfortable talking to his teachers, like I can't quite figure out the correct level of formality and friendliness. During drop off, in particular, I feel like I never get it right -- if I drop off quickly I feel rude, if I stop to have a short conversation I feel like I'm holding them up.

I'm just surprised because I'm not socially awkward generally and even if at first a relationship feels a little uncomfortable, I'm very much a "fake it til you make it person." I can't think of another person I've had a whole year's worth of interactions with and still felt awkward around them to the point that I kind of dread having to see them. I don't feel this way around the daycare teachers for my younger son, nor any of our activity teachers/coaches. But I wonder if it's because we have a financial relationship with those people? Maybe I'm having a hard time with transitioning to a public school setting where I don't personally hire and pay the teachers so it changes the dynamic a bit? I'm not sure.

Does this get easier as they get older? I don't think his teachers are socially awkward -- it's more like the relationship feels a little undefined and uneasy and somehow that hasn't gotten better all year. Last year we were remote all year and it was also awkward but I wrote it off because everything about last year was worse than normal. But now I'm wondering if this is just how it is.

If you think you personally hire & pay your child care teachers, that tells me why you’re feeling awkward. Teachers are not your employees and you’re suddenly faved with that reality.

[Anonymous]

Teachers should not be friends with parents. Friendly, honest, respectful, yes. They are professionals, they need to remain professional. The worst classroom experience is when you know the teacher is buddies with -some- of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coming to the end of my oldest's 1st grade year, I'm surprised to find I still feel pretty awkward when interacting with his teachers. It's just the in person interaction that feels uncomfortable -- we communicate via email and very occasionally text and that all feels normal. But pretty much every pick up, drop off, or school event, I find myself feeling awkward and uncomfortable talking to his teachers, like I can't quite figure out the correct level of formality and friendliness. During drop off, in particular, I feel like I never get it right -- if I drop off quickly I feel rude, if I stop to have a short conversation I feel like I'm holding them up.

I'm just surprised because I'm not socially awkward generally and even if at first a relationship feels a little uncomfortable, I'm very much a "fake it til you make it person." I can't think of another person I've had a whole year's worth of interactions with and still felt awkward around them to the point that I kind of dread having to see them. I don't feel this way around the daycare teachers for my younger son, nor any of our activity teachers/coaches. But I wonder if it's because we have a financial relationship with those people? Maybe I'm having a hard time with transitioning to a public school setting where I don't personally hire and pay the teachers so it changes the dynamic a bit? I'm not sure.

Does this get easier as they get older? I don't think his teachers are socially awkward -- it's more like the relationship feels a little undefined and uneasy and somehow that hasn't gotten better all year. Last year we were remote all year and it was also awkward but I wrote it off because everything about last year was worse than normal. But now I'm wondering if this is just how it is.

If you think you personally hire & pay your child care teachers, that tells me why you’re feeling awkward. Teachers are not your employees and you’re suddenly faved with that reality.

The comment you highlighted literally says "I don't hire and pay the teachers" so I don't know what you're talking about. The point is that it's a different dynamic than, say, having a nanny or paying a daycare, and it can feel like an unfamiliar dynamic for first time parents. With a nanny, for instance, I would have no trouble just telling her "please don't serve my kid these foods for snacks" or "I'd like at least 3 hours outdoors everyday." But I'd never say stuff like that to a teacher. But when your kids are still really young (so public PK and K in particular), and cannot advocate for themselves and are still adjusting to school, you may have questions or concerns about stuff like food and exercise and napping. And you have to learn a new way of talking about them with a public school teacher than you would a childcare worker. Plus I know from experience that even the teachers at that level may have limited control over these things (so much is dictated by district-wide curriculum where we are) so you really have to be careful with how you discuss it, in a way that you would not have had to be with a nanny or daycare.

So that's where the awkwardness comes from. It's a new dynamic, there are additional elements at play, and no one hands you a script or lays out the relationship clearly. You just kind of wing it and hope for the best. I think most PK and K teachers understand that they are dealing with a lot of first time parents who don't know better and that just comes with the territory of being an ECE teacher. But it's not weird or surprising that some parents feel awkward anyway.

Also, some people are just awkward, and that includes teachers. Especially since Covid, some people just struggle to interact normally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers should not be friends with parents. Friendly, honest, respectful, yes. They are professionals, they need to remain professional. The worst classroom experience is when you know the teacher is buddies with -some- of the parents.

Yes, that sounds annoying. Agree teachers should be aware of this. Some parents will also go out of their way to try and cultivate those friendships with teachers, which is gross to see, because while I guess there is some chance they just recognized a kindred spirit and wanted a new friend, 9 times out of 10 they are doing it because they want advantages for their kid, which is pretty tiresome.

Though one thing I have experienced that is no ones fault but is still hard is when many of the kids in class have older siblings at the school who have been through that teacher's classroom before. It's great when there are at least a couple veteran parents with that teacher in the family group because they can help the rest of you know what's going on. But I've been in the situation where literally more than half the kids had siblings who had been in the classroom before, and it can really make you (and your kid!) feel like the odd one out. Also, in that situation, often people don't explain things and just assume you know things, because so many of the other families do, and it adds to that sense of feeling lost. Again, no one's fault really, but definitely heightens that feeling of being the new kid coming into very established relationships and not feeling like you fit in.

[Anonymous]

How often do you even see the teacher? My only interactions: back to school night, fall parent teacher conference, last day of school party. Maybe it's different if there's no covid? We weren't happy with the whole school year, so maybe that's just par for the course at a title one school.