How do you handle C's on report card?

[Anonymous]

My son is bringing home his first C on a report card. He's in 8th grade and has always been on the honor roll. He does have ADHD inattentive type, so school is a challenge, but we have the cognitive testing to prove that he's very intelligent and we've seen that he is very capable when he applies himself. We have been working with a psychiatrist since 3rd grade for medication management and I've always stayed on top of when changes need to be made or dosages adjusted. Regardless, the second half of this school year, he's really gotten a bad attitude about school. Almost feels like "senioritis". He hasn't been completing his assignments on time or in full. He argues with us when we check in about assignments. We refuse all devices until homework is done, but he's lied a few times about completion. I am in touch with his teachers.

Due to several missing assignments in math and several bad grades on assessments, he will be receiving a C. I would never punish him if he was trying his hardest and still got a C, but not turning in assignments and refusing help when he doesn't understand a new concept is unacceptable in our book. What would be an appropriate consequence?

[Anonymous]

It depends on the class. If it is something that would go on a high school transcript, he'd be grounded and doing homework at the kitchen table where he can't slack off and just use is phone. In a core class that doesn't go on the transcript, hopefully it's a wakeup call, we'd talk and that would be the end of it. A class like PE or art- make sure they know they can't slack off next year

[Anonymous]

The answer is no devices. You’re giving him an excuse to lie to you so remove the reason he lies, and until you see those grades go up.

But if he is on the honor roll in every other way, maybe there is something about that class he doesn’t understand so look into tutoring or extra support.

[Anonymous]

It depends whether not turning in assignments is deliberate teen rebellion or a sign that he's struggling with executive functioning. After a while, OP, patients can habituate to meds and their effect is reduced. We saw that in 12th grade with my severely ADHD son: he was exhausted from his challenging course load and the meds just stopped having any effect. He needed a total reset, which he got that summer - eating, sleeping, and no meds.

So I would go med-free on weekends and breaks, and play coach: sit with him, look at grades and assignments together, make sure he's submitting everything on time, etc. That is the consequence for having Cs. He can argue and rage all he wants, you're the parent and you're doing this with him. If he wants more independence, he'll have to get better grades. Punishment on top of this isn't going to help at all - it will just make him more oppositional. You want to make an effort where it will count.

Alternatively, you can pay through the nose for an executive functioning coach. We didn't do that, because our kid needed daily round the clock supervision, especially in the morning and evenings, so outside of business hours.

[Anonymous]

That C in 8th grade can be a blessing in disguise -- awake up call for him. Past performance is not relevant because puberty and completely different level of executive function and mental needs for academics in 8th and on.

First -- our kid had Cs in high school and got into great colleges by showing improvement over time and doing well on the SATs. Teachers wrote about resiliance in the face of challenges and willingness to take on challenges even when working harder than others. So, don't lose it over a C because you fear this.

It takes more mental effort for these kids to do well, and so the second half of the year is always going to be really hard to push through, especially from 8th on. Teachers relaize they are behind and start piling on more, don't coordinate with each other like grade school teachers do, and your kid is already mentally exhausted and feeling the typical Spring fever.

Acknowledge that, acknowledge that school is going to be harder from now on, and start to work on a strategy to manage it next year. Help him to do the work to figure out where the bumps were that lead to a C (in a constructive way). When he is the one to figure this out, it helps drive the point home.

Help him make a plan. Be on his team and acknowledge that it is hard, or the attitude and refusal will get worse. When you work twice as hard for worse results and get in trouble as if no one understands you, the "what's the point of trying" bug is real and very hard to get rid of.

Pointing out and punishing a disappointing result is rubbing salt in the obvious wound. It truly does not help with an ADHD kid (as opposed to a kid who blows of school to party or other trouble). What helps long term is working on the scaffolding of executive function skills. Do not expect him to figure this out alone; it is the very nature of this disability that he can't. Help him or get him a coach.

I know it is hard; good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is no devices. You’re giving him an excuse to lie to you so remove the reason he lies, and until you see those grades go up.

But if he is on the honor roll in every other way, maybe there is something about that class he doesn’t understand so look into tutoring or extra support.

Where did OP say anything about devices and lies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer is no devices. You’re giving him an excuse to lie to you so remove the reason he lies, and until you see those grades go up.

But if he is on the honor roll in every other way, maybe there is something about that class he doesn’t understand so look into tutoring or extra support.

Where did OP say anything about devices and lies?

OP said it here. "He hasn't been completing his assignments on time or in full. He argues with us when we check in about assignments. We refuse all devices until homework is done, but he's lied a few times about completion. I am in touch with his teachers."

OP the consequences need to be immediate for each assignment, not at the end of the term when report cards are sent out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is bringing home his first C on a report card. He's in 8th grade and has always been on the honor roll. He does have ADHD inattentive type, so school is a challenge, but we have the cognitive testing to prove that he's very intelligent and we've seen that he is very capable when he applies himself. We have been working with a psychiatrist since 3rd grade for medication management and I've always stayed on top of when changes need to be made or dosages adjusted. Regardless, the second half of this school year, he's really gotten a bad attitude about school. Almost feels like "senioritis". He hasn't been completing his assignments on time or in full. He argues with us when we check in about assignments. We refuse all devices until homework is done, but he's lied a few times about completion. I am in touch with his teachers.

Due to several missing assignments in math and several bad grades on assessments, he will be receiving a C. I would never punish him if he was trying his hardest and still got a C, but not turning in assignments and refusing help when he doesn't understand a new concept is unacceptable in our book. What would be an appropriate consequence?

Punishment is of no use but to make kid hate the subject. First ask him if he sees a solution? Offer getting a few hours with a tutor to clear concepts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer is no devices. You’re giving him an excuse to lie to you so remove the reason he lies, and until you see those grades go up.

But if he is on the honor roll in every other way, maybe there is something about that class he doesn’t understand so look into tutoring or extra support.

Where did OP say anything about devices and lies?

Second to last sentence in the first paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback. My frustration is less with the C, but more that he has refused help from us, from his teachers, didn't show up at extra help time with the Algebra teacher or with his academic advisor. I hired an exec. function coach last year and he battled me every single appt and refused to put the strategies to practice. I offer to sit with him, I offer to help him organize his time and plan to get work done...he refuses it all and pushes me away.

I look at Schoology every single day to try and understand what work he has and due dates, but it's not always easy given that I'm not the one in class. Not all teachers are organized on their Schoology page. And, he hasn't been forthcoming about his assignments.

Anyway, there's definitely some rebellion going on in addition to his usual executive function struggles. I just want him to learn from this and to see that doing the bare minimum is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback. My frustration is less with the C, but more that he has refused help from us, from his teachers, didn't show up at extra help time with the Algebra teacher or with his academic advisor. I hired an exec. function coach last year and he battled me every single appt and refused to put the strategies to practice. I offer to sit with him, I offer to help him organize his time and plan to get work done...he refuses it all and pushes me away.

I look at Schoology every single day to try and understand what work he has and due dates, but it's not always easy given that I'm not the one in class. Not all teachers are organized on their Schoology page. And, he hasn't been forthcoming about his assignments.

Anyway, there's definitely some rebellion going on in addition to his usual executive function struggles. I just want him to learn from this and to see that doing the bare minimum is not acceptable.

Hopefully he grows out it and it’s just a phase.

[Anonymous]

any grade below a B (so B- and below) we put screen controls until the ship is righted.

School is not hard, standards are watered down, there is no excuse for anything, but As, but Bs will be tolereated. A C is the F of the 1990s.

[Anonymous]

8th grade. It’s kind of an assessment for his placement next year. If he did well in everything else he probably find math difficult as it gets harder.

Don’t push for a high math class in 9th grade. If the missing assignments are only math then its math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8th grade. It’s kind of an assessment for his placement next year. If he did well in everything else he probably find math difficult as it gets harder.

Don’t push for a high math class in 9th grade. If the missing assignments are only math then its math.

This is an excellent point and should not be underestimated. When the issue is just in one class, look past the obvious behavior to underlying issues in that subject. It may be that as it gets harder he’s not understanding (especially if he missed getting a solid grasp on earlier concepts and no one noticed), and he’s no understanding why he’s not getting , getting frustrated, etc.. it might be worth getting a good content-focused tutor for math.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine OP. Don’t freak out!