Have you ever asked a coworker to let you finish?

[Anonymous]

Recently started a new job and another coworker is also new. Her communication style is just plain rude so I have been getting tense sometimes. Yesterday at a group meeting I snapped a little and asked her to let me finish. Hopefully, now she will get the idea and back off. Last week there were meetings held to discuss how others are feeling about her. I know that because another coworker told me. Later I told her I wasn't used to her communication style because I wasn't sure how to address it. In the group meeting, we were passing around a short article to read and when it was my turn as she was passing it she told me to hurry up and read it. We work with young children and she's been getting headaches she says because they are too loud at recess. When I mentioned my degree in another group meeting because we were asked to introduce our background she kind of dismissed it as if it was not needed/ real because it wasn't around when she was in college and my degree is related to education. The school I work at is niche and I do have a degree in that method. What makes this even more complicated is that my son attends the school and she's the temporary substitute in his class but may be the main teacher next year. They have two lead teachers and an assistant because the lead teacher had back surgery but that teacher is back in the classroom with reduced hours. I think it's her delivery style and tone more than anything that annoys me. Has anyone gone through this before in a small setting? I can't ignore her completely.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had coworkers that are challenging to converse with. Sometimes just letting them keep speaking until they run out of air helps…let them see they’ve sucked all the air out of the room. But pay attention to what they say, and then, when they have paused and you’ve given them a minute to feel a little self conscious, address what they’ve said—calmly and slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had coworkers that are challenging to converse with. Sometimes just letting them keep speaking until they run out of air helps…let them see they’ve sucked all the air out of the room. But pay attention to what they say, and then, when they have paused and you’ve given them a minute to feel a little self conscious, address what they’ve said—calmly and slowly.

Op here. Here's another example. She asked someone to take notes during the meeting and then kept pestering them to make sure they were writing everything. The teacher who recently had back surgery didn't want to sit in a chair due to pain but she kept asking her to sit down. Another teacher is pregnant and likes to sit and stand and she also kept asking her to sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had coworkers that are challenging to converse with. Sometimes just letting them keep speaking until they run out of air helps…let them see they’ve sucked all the air out of the room. But pay attention to what they say, and then, when they have paused and you’ve given them a minute to feel a little self conscious, address what they’ve said—calmly and slowly.

Op here. Here's another example. She asked someone to take notes during the meeting and then kept pestering them to make sure they were writing everything. The teacher who recently had back surgery didn't want to sit in a chair due to pain but she kept asking her to sit down. Another teacher is pregnant and likes to sit and stand and she also kept asking her to sit down.

Did any of these people simply say, no? Is she their supervisor? Sounds like you all need to establish some boundaries, politely, without resorting to meangirling in private meetings. This person is new—they will adjust to the culture of you set the example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had coworkers that are challenging to converse with. Sometimes just letting them keep speaking until they run out of air helps…let them see they’ve sucked all the air out of the room. But pay attention to what they say, and then, when they have paused and you’ve given them a minute to feel a little self conscious, address what they’ve said—calmly and slowly.

Op here. Here's another example. She asked someone to take notes during the meeting and then kept pestering them to make sure they were writing everything. The teacher who recently had back surgery didn't want to sit in a chair due to pain but she kept asking her to sit down. Another teacher is pregnant and likes to sit and stand and she also kept asking her to sit down.

Did any of these people simply say, no? Is she their supervisor? Sounds like you all need to establish some boundaries, politely, without resorting to meangirling in private meetings. This person is new—they will adjust to the culture if you set the example.

Op here. That's the thing. They just ignore her. They all hate confrontation and a lot of it is cultural. It may not even bother them. They don't make as many facial expressions. The teacher who had back surgery is American and she did say she can't sit but the new teacher was shaking her head. I joined after this new teacher. It was probably surprising since I am the newest employee that I was getting annoyed but I slipped. I'm trying to think through everything.

[Anonymous]

She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had coworkers that are challenging to converse with. Sometimes just letting them keep speaking until they run out of air helps…let them see they’ve sucked all the air out of the room. But pay attention to what they say, and then, when they have paused and you’ve given them a minute to feel a little self conscious, address what they’ve said—calmly and slowly.

Op here. Here's another example. She asked someone to take notes during the meeting and then kept pestering them to make sure they were writing everything. The teacher who recently had back surgery didn't want to sit in a chair due to pain but she kept asking her to sit down. Another teacher is pregnant and likes to sit and stand and she also kept asking her to sit down.

Did any of these people simply say, no? Is she their supervisor? Sounds like you all need to establish some boundaries, politely, without resorting to meangirling in private meetings. This person is new—they will adjust to the culture of you set the example.

The meetings were not organized by the teachers. Admin requested them and another teacher told me what they were asking about I.e. this new lead teacher. Maybe they want to know if others can work well with her for the next school year. Since each room has 3 teachers we have to work well together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences, and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Because it's one thing after another and she's coming across as rude. She's also my son's teacher. If she wasn't his teacher I could ignore it. He's only 4 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Agree. BUT, telling people to sit or stand, and dismissing their education and experience, is rude and inappropriate. Not a matter of style. boundary setting is important. “Thank you, but I am comfortable like this (hard stare)”. “I appreciate your perspective but feel my experience is relevant here”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences, and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Because it's one thing after another and she's coming across as rude. She's also my son's teacher. If she wasn't his teacher I could ignore it. He's only 4 years old.

Just take a step back. You sound very wound up. Maybe you come across a certain way you don't intend. Have grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Agree. BUT, telling people to sit or stand, and dismissing their education and experience, is rude and inappropriate. Not a matter of style. boundary setting is important. “Thank you, but I am comfortable like this (hard stare)”. “I appreciate your perspective but feel my experience is relevant here”

Op here. Thank you!!! I am also not the best at confrontation. The education thing came up two times. The second time I didn't mention it but she said the same thing to another teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Agree. BUT, telling people to sit or stand, and dismissing their education and experience, is rude and inappropriate. Not a matter of style. boundary setting is important. “Thank you, but I am comfortable like this (hard stare)”. “I appreciate your perspective but feel my experience is relevant here”

Well yes, people should speak up respectfully instead of how they appear to be handling it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Agree. BUT, telling people to sit or stand, and dismissing their education and experience, is rude and inappropriate. Not a matter of style. boundary setting is important. “Thank you, but I am comfortable like this (hard stare)”. “I appreciate your perspective but feel my experience is relevant here”

Op here. Thank you!!! I am also not the best at confrontation. The education thing came up two times. The second time I didn't mention it but she said the same thing to another teacher.

"Yesterday at a group meeting I snapped a little and asked her to let me finish." I mean TBH that's pretty rude too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Agree. BUT, telling people to sit or stand, and dismissing their education and experience, is rude and inappropriate. Not a matter of style. boundary setting is important. “Thank you, but I am comfortable like this (hard stare)”. “I appreciate your perspective but feel my experience is relevant here”

Op here. Thank you!!! I am also not the best at confrontation. The education thing came up two times. The second time I didn't mention it but she said the same thing to another teacher.

It is hard. And when you are new it’s harder. I learned from a bad experience that establishing boundaries like this, right off the bat, is very important. In my case, not standing up for myself (or others) gave the perception that I was a doormat, and began to feel like a doormat, which made the person treat me more like a doormat. Horrible. Don’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may be on the spectrum, be open to other's communication differences, and seek to be patient instead of taking it personally. Why are you letting this get to you?

Because it's one thing after another and she's coming across as rude. She's also my son's teacher. If she wasn't his teacher I could ignore it. He's only 4 years old.

Just take a step back. You sound very wound up. Maybe you come across a certain way you don't intend. Have grace.

Op here. We are supposed to be working with her for 16 hours a week in my classroom each week so it's hard to have grace when people are digging at you. Easier said than done. I am not staring at a computer all day. We have to work very closely together and the admin understands that which is why I think they like to check in and make sure the setup is working. It would be similar to having a meeting with your coworkers all day. I also sense some other teachers are feeling uncomfortable.