Sex after divorce

[Anonymous]

I was an evangelical Christian and believed that sex should take place in the context of marriage between a man and woman. My ex cheated & we divorced. I currently have a boyfriend and we are not abstinent. I feel guilty, but at the same time I think it’s awful to suggest that the biblical thing to do is wait several years until marriage to have intimacy again. What do other evangelical or Protestant Christians think?

[Anonymous]

I am thinking of someone like Lysa TerKeurst. She remarried so quickly after divorcing her ex. I wonder if it’s because of the intimacy issue. I feel as divorced believers, the last thing we need to do is rush into marriage just to have intimacy again. We need to take our time, heal, mature, and so forth. But it seems like the strict biblical view is no sex until marriage, which is really causing me to struggle spiritually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an evangelical Christian and believed that sex should take place in the context of marriage between a man and woman. My ex cheated & we divorced. I currently have a boyfriend and we are not abstinent. I feel guilty, but at the same time I think it’s awful to suggest that the biblical thing to do is wait several years until marriage to have intimacy again. What do other evangelical or Protestant Christians think?

What is your denomination? What church do you attend?

[Anonymous]

I attend a non denominational conservative church. They definitely preach abstinence. I know of an older (faithful) couple that got married within a year of dating each other. The idea is to trust the Lord and trust biblical sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attend a non denominational conservative church. They definitely preach abstinence. I know of an older (faithful) couple that got married within a year of dating each other. The idea is to trust the Lord and trust biblical sexuality.

Exactly. If you actually believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and you actually believe that the Bible (with its multiple clear directives for sexual purity and marriage) is the word of God, how can waiting until marriage be such a big stretch? It’s not easy but that is almost the entire point. As a Christian you should be walking a difficult and narrow path.

[Anonymous]

Isnt divorce against your religion? If that's ok, why not sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I attend a non denominational conservative church. They definitely preach abstinence. I know of an older (faithful) couple that got married within a year of dating each other. The idea is to trust the Lord and trust biblical sexuality.

Exactly. If you actually believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and you actually believe that the Bible (with its multiple clear directives for sexual purity and marriage) is the word of God, how can waiting until marriage be such a big stretch? It’s not easy but that is almost the entire point. As a Christian you should be walking a difficult and narrow path.

Because I feel that it’s extremely difficult to wait a long time to find the right individual who is compatible with your faith, family, and children. I think that solitude is so hard to deal with, since this was an unwanted divorce.

[Anonymous]

Read Sex for Christians by Lewis Smedes.

[Anonymous]

Protestant here. Given my understanding of the New Testament and bearing today's culture in mind I don't think God is against sex outside of marriage at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I attend a non denominational conservative church. They definitely preach abstinence. I know of an older (faithful) couple that got married within a year of dating each other. The idea is to trust the Lord and trust biblical sexuality.

Exactly. If you actually believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and you actually believe that the Bible (with its multiple clear directives for sexual purity and marriage) is the word of God, how can waiting until marriage be such a big stretch? It’s not easy but that is almost the entire point. As a Christian you should be walking a difficult and narrow path.

Because I feel that it’s extremely difficult to wait a long time to find the right individual who is compatible with your faith, family, and children. I think that solitude is so hard to deal with, since this was an unwanted divorce.

Nobody on this board is going to reconcile this for you because you are struggling between your feelings and urges and your professed faith. This is something between you and God, not you and God and an anonymous website. But the Christian Bible and the traditional Christian stance are very, very clear. Paul discusses at length that if you can’t maintain celibacy, you should get married.

If I were you and having this dilemma I would spend some time in prayer and reflection, and reading the Bible. I don’t think you necessarily have to wait a “very long time” to get married if you find a decent Christian man who is willing to wait and willing to marry you. Again, this is all between you and God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Protestant here. Given my understanding of the New Testament and bearing today's culture in mind I don't think God is against sex outside of marriage at all.

Really? Where does the New Testament approve of sex outside of marriage? I have never, ever seen this suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Protestant here. Given my understanding of the New Testament and bearing today's culture in mind I don't think God is against sex outside of marriage at all.

Really? Where does the New Testament approve of sex outside of marriage? I have never, ever seen this suggested.

+1 It sucks, well maybe not that, but it isn’t supposed to be easy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I attend a non denominational conservative church. They definitely preach abstinence. I know of an older (faithful) couple that got married within a year of dating each other. The idea is to trust the Lord and trust biblical sexuality.

Exactly. If you actually believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and you actually believe that the Bible (with its multiple clear directives for sexual purity and marriage) is the word of God, how can waiting until marriage be such a big stretch? It’s not easy but that is almost the entire point. As a Christian you should be walking a difficult and narrow path.

Because I feel that it’s extremely difficult to wait a long time to find the right individual who is compatible with your faith, family, and children. I think that solitude is so hard to deal with, since this was an unwanted divorce.

Nobody on this board is going to reconcile this for you because you are struggling between your feelings and urges and your professed faith. This is something between you and God, not you and God and an anonymous website. But the Christian Bible and the traditional Christian stance are very, very clear. Paul discusses at length that if you can’t maintain celibacy, you should get married.

If I were you and having this dilemma I would spend some time in prayer and reflection, and reading the Bible. I don’t think you necessarily have to wait a “very long time” to get married if you find a decent Christian man who is willing to wait and willing to marry you. Again, this is all between you and God.

You are so right. I feel like a season of celibacy will be so difficult to handle. It almost makes the divorce feel like a double whammy. First the financial, emotional, spiritual and psychological pain of divorce caused by infidelity. Second, this season of loneliness where you can’t be intimate until marriage. I understood the notion of waiting before my first marriage (and I did, I married young at 24) but I can’t wrap my mind it now.

[Anonymous]

And my current BF love each other and enjoy each other’s company. We both think it’s reckless to get married immediately because of sex. What is wrong with having that intimacy now? I feel like it’s even worse to get married because of how it might hurt my kids, who are still processing divorce.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why people like to twist theology into their own opinion. Your religion says it’s not okay to have sex outside of marriage. Do people do it? Yes but they are not following their religion. Very few people follow their religion perfectly so decide if this is a rule you want to break or not and move on. I can’t stand when people try to justify sex outside of marriage as okay because rules have changed or the Bible needs to be updated or that it’s not practical anymore. Folks, it was a sin back then and it’s a sin now. Grow up, decide what you want and move on.