Questions for People in Their 50s With Career Success and Family "Success" (success defined as deep satisfaction)

[Anonymous]

I'm 44 and considering what I want my life to look like in 10 years. I have two kids now who are nearly 8 and 10, and a job with no growth potential but that has all the perks (high salary, work from home, reasonable hours). I am ambitious and have an extremely strong resume, and am looking to change jobs and potentially make a big career change in the next year.

As I figure out what that career transition looks like, my career coach has asked what I want my life to look like in 10 years. For those of you who have been deeply satisfied with your job and/or family life, I'd love to know:

1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed?
2. What do you wish you did differently?
3. What "mattered" to you at the end of the day, now in your mid 50s? Are you happy you pursued career achievement? Has the money made a meaningful difference?
4. How did you handle raising your family if you are happy with what you did? What would you have done differently?

I know these are broad questions that many will answer differently. I am looking for themes in the answers, and especially welcome responses from people who can see a bit of themselves in the description of me above. For what it's worth, I've been pretty happy with raising my kids to date, and (somewhat) unhappy with my career.

[Anonymous]

What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

[Anonymous]

I moved from a job I found deeply satisfying but didn't allow me the time with my kids that I craved when they were about your kids ages. The money was good, but the level of stress and time were unsustainable. I moved and took a pay cut to get a federal job. It was too slow for me, and not enough aligned with my interests. I switched to another government job that was less flexible, but more interesting. I felt like it was a good balance with work/life, and was promoted to the $180,000 a year level. My husband has been a fed this entire time. He finds his work meaningful and always had the flexibility with the kids. Unlike the previous poster, we always lived modestly (picked housing that was very affordable - didn't fall into the "I need to live in XXX for the schools" business). Both kids attended fancy school (overlapping, so we got significant tuition discount), and we are on track to retire at 60/64. I have no regrets. I spent the energy I wanted on my children, sustained myself professionally and grew. I didn't make the most money, but it is plenty for our lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed?

I enjoy balancing budgets and numbers, being a fed budget analyst checks those boxes but I've also honed my writing skills so it's always fun to switch gears in that way. I have supervised in the past and it was rewarding to have a team that supports me and I them. Even pre-pandemic I let them work from wherever long as it gets done and they outperformed every time!

2. What do you wish you did differently?

I wish I had joined the feds sooner.

3. What "mattered" to you at the end of the day, now in your mid 50s? Are you happy you pursued career achievement? Has the money made a meaningful difference?

By DCUM standards a GS15 salary may not seem like a lot but it's more than I ever imagined making...

I'm 52 and I no longer see it as a "career", I have a job that pays well that I enjoy that allows me to do ALL the things I love like spend time with family and friends, travel the world and not have to worry about what didn't get done in the office when I return. Kids are grown and living their lives out of state and I'm enjoying the solitude of an empty nest.

4. How did you handle raising your family if you are happy with what you did? What would you have done differently?

At the Big 4 I was fortunate to have bosses who had kids so though I worked A LOT I never missed a practice or a game and dinner most nights...the $ allowed nice vacations once or twice a year - admittedly I sometimes had my laptop and always had my phone smh...in my late 40s I transitioned and yep took a $20K paycut to join the feds, but have more than recouped with 2 promotions and couple QSIs. Again, I would have made the change sooner, like in my 30s...

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 and pretty satisfied with how things turned out.
It's not easy to juggle career advancement with child-rearing, but it can be done. I think what worked for me is that I didn't let one overtake the other, and I paced my career so that I was never an absentee parent. With kids now in college, I am really happy with our family relationships, it's a healthy dynamic and we're close. I'm also the breadwinner in the family fwiw.
With an 8 and 10 year old, you're probably still juggling career, kids, homework and activities on a daily basis
The thing to keep in mind is that in 10 years, both of your kids will be in college. You will get all sorts of time back. Where will you spend it? I work out, garden, do my book club, attend my industry chapter happy hours and I really really still like to work. I took some time off recently and realized that I'm not ready for early 'retirement' or just hanging out. So for me, mental stimulation and being productive are important for my wellbeing and probably will be for many years to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for a even just a decade and still can't retire.

[Anonymous]

Luck, seriously.

I resigned during maternity leave when my now 21 year old was a baby. My supervisor came back with a WFH option and flexibility that was uncommon in 2002. We had a part-time nanny which my office agreed to and my office agreed when I had gaps they'd allow it. From there I moved up, sideways, down, and back up. I was really good at my job and had managers who agreed. I leaned in, leaned out, and then went all in with DH taking the backseat. We make good money, we moved from the DC area so the money goes further. It's been calculated and super hard at times.

OP do you just want more money? You have younger kids, it gets different, not easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You're very generous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You’re house poor.

[Anonymous]

Save as much as you can for retirement so you can retire when you want. It's really hard to predict how long you will want to work or what health issues (physical, mental) may arise in your 50s and 60s. Some people work forever, some don't. You may change your mind and plans
It's good to have options.

I experienced ageism in my late 50s/60s. In most ways it did not affect me, but it also did. I had to push more to get opportunities and could see who was given them, for the future. That makes sense for succession planning but I was not ready to "quiet quit." I think I could have but I hate being bored and wanted to do more. The other part of ageism is that due to experience I knew more about the job than my younger colleagues but my opinions were sometimes ignored, and listening to them talk about their vast experience made me sometimes roll my eyes internally at them. I was probably the same when I was younger. Anyway, it got old.

I am retired now. I felt like I was able to leave at the right time. I did not want to stay too long and I'm glad that I had enough to go before it got painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You’re house poor.

Yes, we are aware of that, so what should we do? Get a time machine?

[Anonymous]

1. What did you find rewarding about your job? What have you enjoyed?

I found it rewarding to learn new skills and meet financial goals that helped the people my nonprofit helped. I liked the healthy bosses I had (not the toxic sociopathic ones) and enjoyed my colleagues.


2. What do you wish you did differently?

I wish I’d chosen a different major in college.

3. What "mattered" to you at the end of the day, now in your mid 50s? Are you happy you pursued career achievement? Has the money made a meaningful difference?

What mattered most to us having time. Spouse was able to drive kids to and from school. I worked in an office back then so could not always do that.

We traded money for time and don’t mind. DH, a professor, had summers off and long winter breaks off. Their schedule meant we didn’t have to pay for a nanny.

I run a business now but I may seek a federal job as a backup for health insurance.

Our house will soon be paid off.

4. How did you handle raising your family if you are happy with what you did? What would you have done differently?

We kept expenses low, and that gave us a wild amount of freedom!

Are you a woman? Men rarely think about these topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does high salary mean? Have you paid off your house, have college fully funded, and setup down payment and trusts for your kids and plan to retire at 55?

We both stayed in the $190k Fed job which was interesting work but mostly because it felt too hard to disrupt lifestyle of kids with a job that required one of us to work beyond the 9-5. Now we will work into our 70s as a result of that choice.

I certainly wished I had doubled down and earned the big money to have real options as I near 60! If you think you family can handle your absence go for it. I will say middle and early high school were the most demanding for after school activities, helping kids with homework or projects, so they really don’t get easier in a lot of ways.

You seriously mismanaged your money if youre a fed (pension) and brought home 400K for an even just a decade and still can't retire.

3 kids college is projected to be $1.5M

House is $1.2M in middling school district with decent commute.

Helping 3 kids with down payment, $900k

We haven’t always made near $400k, 10 years ago my salary was $90k, and spouse was $130k.

I do think we saved poorly, because we bought our house late because we always planned to return to home, and cash savings make terrible investments. We have no family safety net, so always worried about someone losing job or getting sick and not working (both our parents lost jobs or dropped out of work force at 50, and it was very difficult time in our upbringing).

We really want to give our kids the safety net we didn’t have when they are starting out, so we will keep working until that is built.

You’re house poor.

Yes, we are aware of that, so what should we do? Get a time machine?

It’s a choice to pay $1.5M for college. My lord. State schools would be way less.

Do you have six kids? You are projecting college costs for three and also helping three with a down payment??

I hope you guys start caring for yourselves first.