Converting to Judaism - anyone willing to share their experience?

[Anonymous]

I think I'm moving closer to wanting to convert. My husband is secular but his mom was raised Conservative.

I was raised Christian but after reading and learning way more than I ever knew as a kid, I know I cannot get behind it even though I haven't considered myself Christian for a decade. The idea of converting is 100% my own - my husband nor his family has ever suggested it whatsoever.

I started doing research on Judaism since last August and have been learning daily on my own. I recently learned the Hebrew alphabet and am continuing to learn the language.

I am also taking an introduction class online alongside my independent learning.

We recently joined a congregation but I haven't brought up my thoughts on converting with our Rabbi. I think I'm scared of being rejected or questioned as to why I want to, especially because it's only been a little more than a month since joining.

I enrolled my older in Hebrew School and have been attending weekly as well. I have been active with attending services, weekly Torah study, events put on by the congregation, and just getting to know other congregants.

I have found myself gravitating towards Conservative more so than Reform or Orthodox.

As mentioned above, I'm nervous about bringing up the topic, but know that if I want to pursue conversion, I'll have to.

Another part of it is being worried about the Beit Din - I have read some stories about how they reject potential converts, seemingly for any reason.

I'm wondering what you had to do to prepare for it - how many prayers you had to know, did you have to recite the alphabet, do certain actions to prove you're serious, etc?

Any personal experiences are appreciated!!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP!

I can tell you about my husband's experience converting Conservative.

First of all, you are doing great belonging to a congregation - we were just married, still living near campus, going to Hillel for services, and they were not very organized. My husband asked them for conversion resources and they were honestly not great about getting back to him or being helpful. This was unfortunate because he started feeling like they were discouraging him and getting demotivated when I do actually think they were just busy and disorganized. So please don't be discouraged if you find yourself corresponding with someone who's bad at email! But at any rate, you have a Rabbi so that's probably the best place to start.

Anyway for us, we did some research and he actually ended up studying online with a Rabbi and also doing a yearlong independently paced online class. When he finished the class and the Rabbi felt he was ready, they figured out a time and place, the Rabbi organized a beit din with colleagues.

I don't think they would have "flunked" him once we already got that far but we were nervous anyway. All three Rabbis asked him questions, some personal, some halachic. Afterwards they went to the mikvah for blessings (I wasn't there for that) and signed some documents.

Since then, the only time it comes up is when joining a synagogue, as the forms tend to ask about conversion. And since his Hebrew name is so-and-so bar avraham v'sara, some people probably notice when he has an aliyah or whatnot, but no one has ever brought it up or anything.

I'm sure every Rabbi will be a little different but in my husband's case, he was expected to study Jewish history, holidays, kosher and shabbos laws, Maimonides, just a whole variety of topics. The Hebrew expectations of the class were very low but he chose to really work on it beyond that and I think that made a good impression with the Rabbi. There were prayers he had to learn but I don't remember which ones except that it was not a huge amount. Bottom line, it was nothing too difficult, just an expectation of putting in some time and effort.

My advice would be, before you talk to your Rabbi, it seems like you are nervous so just practice beforehand a little what you want to say, and how you will answer questions (why do you want to convert? being the big one). Also, you might want to ask him if he has any recommended reading on conversion and/or for people starting that process.

Good luck OP! I never asked my husband to convert, and it really surprised me when he told me it was what he wanted, but it's been really great. I learned a lot from his class too, and we've worked together to increase our observance in various ways since then.

[Anonymous]

We've had three people in our family convert. Two "converted too far" and wanted to make their spouses be more religious than they wanted to be, and those two ended in divorce.

The one who did not do that went to conversion classes (for a year? 18 months?) weekly, and is not kosher, but does light candles and have challah on Friday nights, and the older kid goes to Hebrew School once a week. They don't go to temple (right now it's not safe, but when it was they didn't go regularly either - maybe twice a year).

[Anonymous]

I did, a very long time ago. I took classes for two years, then went to mikveh and appeared before the Beit Din. I actually was so nervous I ended up in the ER the night before: I thought I was having a heart attack! But it went fine. They were very nice. I cannot recall the specific questions but nothing hard. It was very important for me for kids to be Jewish, and for me to be Jewish along with my kids.

[Anonymous]

If you are converting and you are married to a Jewish partner, it's no problem at all. Do your studies and convert.

> I enrolled my older in Hebrew School

That's a bit weird, unless your husband supports it.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar experience in terms of deciding to convert on my own years after marrying a Jewish man. Did a conservative conversion but practice as Reform. Also converted my kids (you don't mention but most conservative shuls would not consider your children Jewish but easy to "convert" them while still young if you want). Worked individually with Bernice Weiss, a rabbi here in DC who focuses on conversions and went to the mikvah at Adas. The Beit Din was not a big deal as everyone was happy for us and were extremely nice. You should definitely talk with your rabbi (if the rabbi is anything other than extremely nice about it I would be surprised. He/she may not even realize that you are not Jewish based on the fact that you have been attending services, etc. It has been over 20 years now and it has been worthwhile to me to be in the same religion as my kids and DH and I am good with the theology of liberal Judaism so it worked out for me. Best of luck with your process.

[Anonymous]

I wish you a fulfilling journey, OP, and think you have received some good advice here.

One thing I want to mention that I think my friends who have converted in the Conservative movement don't always grasp, especially if they're single without Jewish family members, and a PP's response made me think about once again: If you convert you become a member of the Jewish people as a whole and not just part of the Conservative or Reform movement. I get that there is an issue with reciprocal acceptance between communities. But try to understand Jewish peoplehood, which you will soonish participate in, rather than discussing how you're ok with these Jews but not those Jews. A little bit of a tangent but it is important to remember that none of the denominations is a stand-alone religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are converting and you are married to a Jewish partner, it's no problem at all. Do your studies and convert.

> I enrolled my older in Hebrew School

That's a bit weird, unless your husband supports it.

OP here - Yes, he is supportive of our kids going to Hebrew School and me converting if that's what I want to do.

We haven't discussed having our kids converting to become Halachically Jewish but will definitely talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Reddit r/judaism often gets posts like yours, if you're looking for another place to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP!

I can tell you about my husband's experience converting Conservative.

First of all, you are doing great belonging to a congregation - we were just married, still living near campus, going to Hillel for services, and they were not very organized. My husband asked them for conversion resources and they were honestly not great about getting back to him or being helpful. This was unfortunate because he started feeling like they were discouraging him and getting demotivated when I do actually think they were just busy and disorganized. So please don't be discouraged if you find yourself corresponding with someone who's bad at email! But at any rate, you have a Rabbi so that's probably the best place to start.

Anyway for us, we did some research and he actually ended up studying online with a Rabbi and also doing a yearlong independently paced online class. When he finished the class and the Rabbi felt he was ready, they figured out a time and place, the Rabbi organized a beit din with colleagues.

I don't think they would have "flunked" him once we already got that far but we were nervous anyway. All three Rabbis asked him questions, some personal, some halachic. Afterwards they went to the mikvah for blessings (I wasn't there for that) and signed some documents.

Since then, the only time it comes up is when joining a synagogue, as the forms tend to ask about conversion. And since his Hebrew name is so-and-so bar avraham v'sara, some people probably notice when he has an aliyah or whatnot, but no one has ever brought it up or anything.

I'm sure every Rabbi will be a little different but in my husband's case, he was expected to study Jewish history, holidays, kosher and shabbos laws, Maimonides, just a whole variety of topics. The Hebrew expectations of the class were very low but he chose to really work on it beyond that and I think that made a good impression with the Rabbi. There were prayers he had to learn but I don't remember which ones except that it was not a huge amount. Bottom line, it was nothing too difficult, just an expectation of putting in some time and effort.

My advice would be, before you talk to your Rabbi, it seems like you are nervous so just practice beforehand a little what you want to say, and how you will answer questions (why do you want to convert? being the big one). Also, you might want to ask him if he has any recommended reading on conversion and/or for people starting that process.

Good luck OP! I never asked my husband to convert, and it really surprised me when he told me it was what he wanted, but it's been really great. I learned a lot from his class too, and we've worked together to increase our observance in various ways since then.

OP here - I appreciate your very thorough response!

Yes, I'll definitely need to rehearse what I'd want to say to our Rabbi 😆

Wishing you all the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did, a very long time ago. I took classes for two years, then went to mikveh and appeared before the Beit Din. I actually was so nervous I ended up in the ER the night before: I thought I was having a heart attack! But it went fine. They were very nice. I cannot recall the specific questions but nothing hard. It was very important for me for kids to be Jewish, and for me to be Jewish along with my kids.

OP here - Thanks for your reply! I'm glad everything went well, despite your nerves!

I feel like that would be me, too 😆😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar experience in terms of deciding to convert on my own years after marrying a Jewish man. Did a conservative conversion but practice as Reform. Also converted my kids (you don't mention but most conservative shuls would not consider your children Jewish but easy to "convert" them while still young if you want). Worked individually with Bernice Weiss, a rabbi here in DC who focuses on conversions and went to the mikvah at Adas. The Beit Din was not a big deal as everyone was happy for us and were extremely nice. You should definitely talk with your rabbi (if the rabbi is anything other than extremely nice about it I would be surprised. He/she may not even realize that you are not Jewish based on the fact that you have been attending services, etc. It has been over 20 years now and it has been worthwhile to me to be in the same religion as my kids and DH and I am good with the theology of liberal Judaism so it worked out for me. Best of luck with your process.

OP here - I appreciate your reply!

I haven't discussed converting our kids in order for them to be Halachically Jewish, but will be doing that to ensure we're on the same page either way.

The Rabbi knows I am not Jewish as that was one of the first things I mentioned to the leadership team when I reached out on whether or not we'd collectively be welcome (I was really nervous about this as I had contacted a Chabad Rabbi previously but didn't get super welcoming and warm vibes because I'm not Jewish and they don't consider my kids to be either).

Thank you again for your response!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish you a fulfilling journey, OP, and think you have received some good advice here.

One thing I want to mention that I think my friends who have converted in the Conservative movement don't always grasp, especially if they're single without Jewish family members, and a PP's response made me think about once again: If you convert you become a member of the Jewish people as a whole and not just part of the Conservative or Reform movement. I get that there is an issue with reciprocal acceptance between communities. But try to understand Jewish peoplehood, which you will soonish participate in, rather than discussing how you're ok with these Jews but not those Jews. A little bit of a tangent but it is important to remember that none of the denominations is a stand-alone religion.

OP here - I appreciate you making your point! If I converted under the Conservative movement, I'd never tell a Jewish person who is part of a Reform shul that they're not "Jewish enough" or something along those lines - almost certainly they are Jewish by birth so I definitely wouldn't have a leg to stand on 🤣

Wishing you well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish you a fulfilling journey, OP, and think you have received some good advice here.

One thing I want to mention that I think my friends who have converted in the Conservative movement don't always grasp, especially if they're single without Jewish family members, and a PP's response made me think about once again: If you convert you become a member of the Jewish people as a whole and not just part of the Conservative or Reform movement. I get that there is an issue with reciprocal acceptance between communities. But try to understand Jewish peoplehood, which you will soonish participate in, rather than discussing how you're ok with these Jews but not those Jews. A little bit of a tangent but it is important to remember that none of the denominations is a stand-alone religion.

OP here - I appreciate you making your point! If I converted under the Conservative movement, I'd never tell a Jewish person who is part of a Reform shul that they're not "Jewish enough" or something along those lines - almost certainly they are Jewish by birth so I definitely wouldn't have a leg to stand on 🤣

Wishing you well!

This sounds really positive. But please also make sure you don't denigrate Orthodox Jews, either, when you affirm your Conservativeness. Because this really only works if we're all family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish you a fulfilling journey, OP, and think you have received some good advice here.

One thing I want to mention that I think my friends who have converted in the Conservative movement don't always grasp, especially if they're single without Jewish family members, and a PP's response made me think about once again: If you convert you become a member of the Jewish people as a whole and not just part of the Conservative or Reform movement. I get that there is an issue with reciprocal acceptance between communities. But try to understand Jewish peoplehood, which you will soonish participate in, rather than discussing how you're ok with these Jews but not those Jews. A little bit of a tangent but it is important to remember that none of the denominations is a stand-alone religion.

OP here - I appreciate you making your point! If I converted under the Conservative movement, I'd never tell a Jewish person who is part of a Reform shul that they're not "Jewish enough" or something along those lines - almost certainly they are Jewish by birth so I definitely wouldn't have a leg to stand on 🤣

Wishing you well!

This sounds really positive. But please also make sure you don't denigrate Orthodox Jews, either, when you affirm your Conservativeness. Because this really only works if we're all family!

OP here - Oh right, of course! I would hope an Orthodox Jew would also see a Conservative or Reform Jew as a Jew, too!

A unified people is the strongest!