Moved to small town for my cheating wife
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Anonymous
| I'm from a big city and my wife is from a small town. We met online while she still lived in her hometown and shortly after she moved to the city, but it wasn't another 3 years until we took our friendship to the next stage. For context, I'm a commitmentphobe, I think probably due to my low self esteem and the poor treatment I received from other kids at my school. But I am otherwise a very successful adult. I've had a happy life in the city but for probably two thirds of our relationship my wife has longed to move to her hometown (population 5,000) which has left her unable to feel settled, which has left me unsettled and unhappy. I had business interests, friends and family in the city and moving to a small town was just not something I thought I could be happy with. Also, we have 3 children together. My wife has always been loyal and devoted, but a few years ago I discovered she was having an affair with a guy from her hometown, and shortly after, discovered she was pregnant to him. I have a very sharp bullshit-detector and upon confronting my wife and going through that whole process I believed how remorseful and sorry she was, and that the affair being discovered snapped her right out of the fantasy world she was living in. Despite presure from the affair partner to have an abortion, my wife and I decided to proceed with the pregnancy, we would do couple's counseling, and with the affair partner's blessing, I would adopt the child once born (which he accepted.) The child is now two years old and I love him just like he's my own, and I know he loves me too. We worked hard and managed to get our marriage back on track. If we didn't already have children together I would have left her immediately, but I did not want to break up my family. So far, my children do not know about what happened, or that their brother is not my biological son. We went overseas for the year in 2023 for a change of scenery and it was really great. While away, I agreed with my wife that we would try living in her hometown for a couple of years to see how we like it. We've been here for just over a week and I'm feeling quite unhappy. I miss my home in the city (which we've rented out) and my community and friends/family there. I know it's only early days but what prompted me to write this post is that I feel like I've given up everything to make her happy, when she is the person that put me through the worst pain of my life. I'm not ready to forgive her, despite knowing how deeply she regrets what she did (we talk about it often and she is always open and honest - never tells me to move on or get over it etc.) I don't really want to hear "you should leave her" responses, because I'm not willing to abandon my children to only see them two days a week. |
Anonymous
|
Well hopefully you learned a lesson. Don’t l or for a woman . Ever…she should move to you.
The reason is because if you had lost your job or became financially dependent on her you’d be SOL. Women don’t give the same level of support men do . Next time you stay out where you’re happy and find someone local or tell them to move |
Anonymous
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Sounds entirely made-up, OP. But clearly you need attention. You can love your wife and be angry at her behavior. I don't understand why you're living in her hometown to make her happy, though. Tell her you want to move somewhere more congenial for you. |
Anonymous
| Troll |
Anonymous
| OP here - two people telling me made up/troll. Wtf, this is 100% genuine. |
Anonymous
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I am so sorry to hear this story. What a terrible thing to go through. You sound like a very good man.
There are no easy answers in these situations. |
Anonymous
Thank you, it's a shame your answer is the only pleasant one, when you read all the other childish rubbish. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't make sense to me that you decided to live in her hometown where she cheated. She's a cheater and feels like she can be protected there. What are you expecting? You know all of this about her already. |
Anonymous
| I am not sure I would have moved to the hometown where the affair partner lives. |
Anonymous
| Why would you only see your kid 2 days a week? 50/50 custody is the norm |
Anonymous
|
Even taking you at your word, this situation doesn’t bode well.
Cheating spouses are most likely to cheat (again) because the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Moving to wife’s small town makes you hugely vulnerable to losing custody of your kids in a split, unless you want to stay in that small town for the rest of their childhoods post-divorce. Once you are there six months it’s the home jurisdiction of your children and that small town judge will decide who gets them for how long and you won’t stand a chance of returning with them to the big city because ex will not be found unfit simply for engaging in adultery. Just know what’s at stake. |
Anonymous
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Etc. etc. etc. |
Anonymous
| I've heard that it takes two years to feel at home in a new community. I know that was true for me. So know that your feelings are perfectly normal but give it some time and see how you feel later. Good luck! |
Anonymous
Maybe his wife misses the side-action from the baby-daddy. |
Anonymous
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Your wife was miserable in the city for years, away from her support system and family and friends. So miserable she had an affair! You have decided to put it in the past, so much so that you adopted another man’s child! So stop dwelling on it! You’ve given her town a chance for a WEEK! Give it a decade and see how you feel.
I would have dumped her when she got pregnant by another man, but once you decided to go forward, you can’t hold this over her head forever. |