Reply to Moved to small town for my cheating wife

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm from a big city and my wife is from a small town. We met online while she still lived in her hometown and shortly after she moved to the city, but it wasn't another 3 years until we took our friendship to the next stage. For context, I'm a commitmentphobe, I think probably due to my low self esteem and the poor treatment I received from other kids at my school. But I am otherwise a very successful adult. I've had a happy life in the city but for probably two thirds of our relationship my wife has longed to move to her hometown (population 5,000) which has left her unable to feel settled, which has left me unsettled and unhappy. I had business interests, friends and family in the city and moving to a small town was just not something I thought I could be happy with. Also, we have 3 children together. My wife has always been loyal and devoted, but a few years ago I discovered she was having an affair with a guy from her hometown, and shortly after, discovered she was pregnant to him. I have a very sharp bullshit-detector and upon confronting my wife and going through that whole process I believed how remorseful and sorry she was, and that the affair being discovered snapped her right out of the fantasy world she was living in. Despite presure from the affair partner to have an abortion, my wife and I decided to proceed with the pregnancy, we would do couple's counseling, and with the affair partner's blessing, I would adopt the child once born (which he accepted.) The child is now two years old and I love him just like he's my own, and I know he loves me too. We worked hard and managed to get our marriage back on track. If we didn't already have children together I would have left her immediately, but I did not want to break up my family. So far, my children do not know about what happened, or that their brother is not my biological son. We went overseas for the year in 2023 for a change of scenery and it was really great. While away, I agreed with my wife that we would try living in her hometown for a couple of years to see how we like it. We've been here for just over a week and I'm feeling quite unhappy. I miss my home in the city (which we've rented out) and my community and friends/family there. I know it's only early days but what prompted me to write this post is that I feel like I've given up everything to make her happy, when she is the person that put me through the worst pain of my life. I'm not ready to forgive her, despite knowing how deeply she regrets what she did (we talk about it often and she is always open and honest - never tells me to move on or get over it etc.) I don't really want to hear "you should leave her" responses, because I'm not willing to abandon my children to only see them two days a week.[/quote]

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