Opinions about AWDTSG site

[Anonymous]

I had never heard of Are We Dating The Same Guy until someone referenced it here - I’m older, married, not on Facebook. Then I read this:

https://www.404media.co/nikko-dambrosio-chicago-are-we-dating-the-same-guy-lawsuit/

What’s the general consensus here about these sites? I understood the whisper networks like Sh!tty Media Men, and the kind of comms that women shared to try and protect others against Harvey Weinstein etc. But to have this in the realm of just dating - no professional implications - it just seems wrong, unusually easily abused, and like doxxing. Am I just super out of step and old/out of the loop?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think there was good intent behind the creation of these groups, but they turned into total gossip and bashing sites. Some of the comments have been forwarded to employers and cost men their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Can men check to see if they are on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can men check to see if they are on it?

No, men are banned.

[Anonymous]

If a man loses his job because of something on the site, it's because he is either a sexual predator, a domestic abuser or is lying about something very important and actionable. Nobody is getting fired for being a player or being an awkward dater.

Yes, the site can devolve into a bit of "he rejected me so he must be a bad guy" at times, but most people on there really try to discourage that. It is invaluable and helpful when it steers women away from men who have current wives, are abusers or have major substance issues. Wouldn't you want to know if the man you were meeting tonight has a wife? Or a serious criminal record? I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a man loses his job because of something on the site, it's because he is either a sexual predator, a domestic abuser or is lying about something very important and actionable. Nobody is getting fired for being a player or being an awkward dater.

Yes, the site can devolve into a bit of "he rejected me so he must be a bad guy" at times, but most people on there really try to discourage that. It is invaluable and helpful when it steers women away from men who have current wives, are abusers or have major substance issues. Wouldn't you want to know if the man you were meeting tonight has a wife? Or a serious criminal record? I would.

The man in the lawsuit was just “accused” of being a semi-failed player and not very cool. It’s just needless humiliation IMO.

[Anonymous]

If men don’t act like creeps they don’t need to worry about being posted

[Anonymous]

OP thank your lucky stars you don’t need to be in there. I am and the number of times a man is posted who’s supposedly exclusive or married but has several other girlfriends is insane. Men are giving women STDs and not divulging they know they’re contagious. There are men who have SA multiple posters. There are men who have stalked women.

It’s honestly terrifying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP thank your lucky stars you don’t need to be in there. I am and the number of times a man is posted who’s supposedly exclusive or married but has several other girlfriends is insane. Men are giving women STDs and not divulging they know they’re contagious. There are men who have SA multiple posters. There are men who have stalked women.

It’s honestly terrifying

Women do the same. So many women are banging other men while married or in relationships. This is not confined to a single gender. My co-worker is frequent user of AM and has so many affairs.

[Anonymous]

I’m a member of the DC groups - have seen an acquaintance posted who keeps swiping right on me but never follows up and the comments about him were amazingly on point.

There was another guy who’ve I messaged with - and a friend of his defended him, and the overall messages gave me a bigger perspective of what felt off. Nothing illegal or dangerous.

My take away from the groups - some helpful feedback, but women are not a monolithic group, and there’s a lot of weird / sad sh&t too - women’s low self-esteem, lack of boundaries, odd advice. False red flags. Complaining about men when it’s time to just let go. Actually - even that’s been helpful to me because I know I don’t want to go back to that stage of my (younger!) dating life - of spending hours “trying” to understand the dude, etc. my standards for others’ behavior are higher and my tolerance level lower - so I don’t in situations that are annoying / confusing.
Some of the posts are really soap-operatic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a man loses his job because of something on the site, it's because he is either a sexual predator, a domestic abuser or is lying about something very important and actionable. Nobody is getting fired for being a player or being an awkward dater.

Yes, the site can devolve into a bit of "he rejected me so he must be a bad guy" at times, but most people on there really try to discourage that. It is invaluable and helpful when it steers women away from men who have current wives, are abusers or have major substance issues. Wouldn't you want to know if the man you were meeting tonight has a wife? Or a serious criminal record? I would.

I do believe there was initially good intent but these sites devolve into near hate groups. Guys are finding that they don’t even know some of the people who trashing them. Others are women that they may have talked to in an online dating app but never actually even been out with - or women that they rejected.

Here’s an example thatbwas posted on reddit:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AWDTSGisToxic/?rdt=40432

As a woman, how would you like it if there were an open forum where men discussed you like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If men don’t act like creeps they don’t need to worry about being posted

Not true. Women are nuts too - and I do wonder if there are revenge posts (especially those posted anonymously)

Reading the posts - I understand how many women really do love “drama” - I generally don’t use that term because life is complicated and complex so drama is unavoidable - and I always swipe left if a dude on OLD claims he’s “drama-free” - but reading the posts, I can see that some women are kardashisn followers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a man loses his job because of something on the site, it's because he is either a sexual predator, a domestic abuser or is lying about something very important and actionable. Nobody is getting fired for being a player or being an awkward dater.

Yes, the site can devolve into a bit of "he rejected me so he must be a bad guy" at times, but most people on there really try to discourage that. It is invaluable and helpful when it steers women away from men who have current wives, are abusers or have major substance issues. Wouldn't you want to know if the man you were meeting tonight has a wife? Or a serious criminal record? I would.

I do believe there was initially good intent but these sites devolve into near hate groups. Guys are finding that they don’t even know some of the people who trashing them. Others are women that they may have talked to in an online dating app but never actually even been out with - or women that they rejected.

Here’s an example thatbwas posted on reddit:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AWDTSGisToxic/?rdt=40432

As a woman, how would you like it if there were an open forum where men discussed you like this?

The link to the exact post didn’t copy but the women were trashing a guy for his performance in bed, his “size” and height. Of course they had posted pictures of him from what looks like linkedin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a member of the DC groups - have seen an acquaintance posted who keeps swiping right on me but never follows up and the comments about him were amazingly on point.

There was another guy who’ve I messaged with - and a friend of his defended him, and the overall messages gave me a bigger perspective of what felt off. Nothing illegal or dangerous.

My take away from the groups - some helpful feedback, but women are not a monolithic group, and there’s a lot of weird / sad sh&t too - women’s low self-esteem, lack of boundaries, odd advice. False red flags. Complaining about men when it’s time to just let go. Actually - even that’s been helpful to me because I know I don’t want to go back to that stage of my (younger!) dating life - of spending hours “trying” to understand the dude, etc. my standards for others’ behavior are higher and my tolerance level lower - so I don’t in situations that are annoying / confusing.
Some of the posts are really soap-operatic

Me again - some women express rules about never going on first coffee dates (too low effort) and expecting guy to always pay etc, which gives me perspective (and sympathy / empathy) on what guys are dealing with too. So another take away for me is to check my assumptions and clearly communicate even / especially at very first messsging

[Anonymous]

Here’s another example of where a woman trashed a guy on AWDTSG. In this case he didn’t want to sleep with her because she had genital herpes:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/comments/13hfnt8/another_terrible_experience_courtesy_of_are_we/?rdt=48400