Does true love actually exist anymore?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had my doubts but I loved this article and curious what others think, is there such thing as true and unconditional among partners?

https://www.spiveyblog.com/posts/does-true-love-exist

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole article yet, though the opening intrigues me so I will.

But just by quick reply to your posited question; I am 53 now, I have seen through the window into dozens of marriages by nature of the work I do, and quite a few much closer by family and friendship connection.

No, there is no such thing as unconditional love - not between partners, nor between parents and children. Some grandparents come close, but many do not.

Animals love unconditionally.

The human mind, I believe, is too complex for unconditional love.

[Anonymous]

Yes

Rare

[Anonymous]

I've never understood what unconditional means.

How can a person or dog or horse or any intelligent being love another being no matter WHAT they do?

[Anonymous]

As an animal biologist, I can expand on PP's reply by saying there is no such thing as unconditional love in any species. The rare exceptions prove the rule (dogs waiting for the deceased owners). But don't go imagining that your pet loves you unconditionally. They have been bred to behave such that you think they do. They are entirely dependent on you. Of course they're going to greet you at the door and put their warm muzzles on your knee when you feel depressed.

Humans suffer when they feel a sense of obligation, loyalty and affection towards partners or dependents who are aggressive or violent, such as seniors with dementia or children with severe personality disorders. Being a parent to a child who purposefully hurts you is one of the worst situations in life.

All life is transactional to a certain degree.

[Anonymous]

The problem with most women (and some men) is they date to marry. It's a bad way of looking at relationships.

Marriage is a RESULT of getting to know someone over a long period of time and realizing both of you would be able to live together forever. This means truly understanding that person's real self, but the fake person they present during dating.

The issue is most women say they will only date men they "will marry". Here's the issue. You have to be in a relationship long enough to see that. Dating someone 1-5 times and thinking you know the person is naive. You're not seeing 75% of the real person in one month or even a couple months.

I have always pushed for the thinking of dating to be in a relationship. Now, if that relationship leads to marriage - great. If not, then you move on. And yes, time matters but that's not something you can control. If you're sole goal is to date only someone you will marry you will likely be alone. I guarantee many people dated people and discarded them well before they got to know them...and a portion of those people would have made great spouses.

[Anonymous]

Animals do not love unconditionally—they are not capable of rational love. There are behaviors and instincts they act upon, but it’s not the love of a rational actor.

Which begs the question, how are we defining love? Warm fuzzy feelings like the movies, or a movement of the will towards the other’s good in the Aristotelian sense? Of course I would say the former does not exist unconditionally, but the latter can and does.

[Anonymous]

True love exists. Unconditional love does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True love exists. Unconditional love does not.

+1
If that lion bit that man's hand off after hugging him, my guess is the perspective would have been different. Like a child who cares for their elderly parents but becomes abusive - they love-hate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole article yet, though the opening intrigues me so I will.

But just by quick reply to your posited question; I am 53 now, I have seen through the window into dozens of marriages by nature of the work I do, and quite a few much closer by family and friendship connection.

No, there is no such thing as unconditional love - not between partners, nor between parents and children. Some grandparents come close, but many do not.

Animals love unconditionally.

The human mind, I believe, is too complex for unconditional love.

You discredit yourself when you anthropromorphasize. Animals do not possess human emotions.

[Anonymous]

I like that article, especially because it pushes back against the idea that so many of our feelings and actions are mere evolutionary adaptations. And I think it is very sweet that he said he would drop everything and help out his first love. I always thought I stopped loving people with time and distance, but maybe I don’t.

Thanks for sharing, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never understood what unconditional means.

How can a person or dog or horse or any intelligent being love another being no matter WHAT they do?

I love my children unconditionally. There is no end to the measures I'd take to ensure their safety and well being. There is nothing they could do which would cause me to withdraw my love, support and presence from their lives. My dh and I have what I consider to be true love. We have been together happily, amicably, faithfully and lovingly for 34 years. Our marriage will end with death. I love him deeply, and he me, but not unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

I think unconditional love is just closeted masochism.

[Anonymous]

As far as I am concerned "true love" is a white sticky fluid that a man contributes to the woman lucky enough to be the subject of that love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes

Rare

Agree. That true love — real love — never ceases. The relationship can end, but your love for someone does not. Very rare.