Would you set your friend straight about her much older boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My friend is 37 dating a 52 year old. He’s never married and has no kids so you get the picture. She is convinced he will marry her and have kids with her. From what I see he isn’t interested and is too independent. He has actually complained to me before we all met for a diner that my friend doesn’t understand he isn’t interested in having children. I feel bad for her and she keeps talking about being patient with him and she will wait for him to come to his senses. She has started wearing a wedding band ring on her ring finger to give him a stronger hint. What would you do if this was your friend?

[Anonymous]

Work on convincing her to freeze some eggs.

[Anonymous]

Wearing a wedding ring as a hint?!?!

Eh... your friend has bigger problems that this boyfriend's disinclination to have kids. She appears to not know how to communicate, or how to behave.

Since she's a bit confused, yes, you should set her straight.

I don't think it's an age thing specifically. I married someone much older than me, but he proposed immediately and was eager to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is 37 dating a 52 year old. He’s never married and has no kids so you get the picture. She is convinced he will marry her and have kids with her. From what I see he isn’t interested and is too independent. He has actually complained to me before we all met for a diner that my friend doesn’t understand he isn’t interested in having children. I feel bad for her and she keeps talking about being patient with him and she will wait for him to come to his senses. She has started wearing a wedding band ring on her ring finger to give him a stronger hint. What would you do if this was your friend?

Warning: Stay out of it!!!!

[Anonymous]

I am in my 50s and have no example of any one ever being "set straight" by a friend. That honestly happens? Someone tells their friend why they think something they are doing won't work, and that friends changes course? If she asks your opinion, that's different, but to think that you have the power to make her disengage with this guy is, I think, misguided.

I like the suggestion to tell her to freeze her eggs, as a just in case. Otherwise, just be there for her when things end in disaster, as you predict. If you are right, this guy is going to dump her sooner rather than later anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is 37 dating a 52 year old. He’s never married and has no kids so you get the picture. She is convinced he will marry her and have kids with her. From what I see he isn’t interested and is too independent. He has actually complained to me before we all met for a diner that my friend doesn’t understand he isn’t interested in having children. I feel bad for her and she keeps talking about being patient with him and she will wait for him to come to his senses. She has started wearing a wedding band ring on her ring finger to give him a stronger hint. What would you do if this was your friend?

Bold sentence above #1:

He talked to YOU and said she doesn't understand he doesn't want kids? It was way out of line for him to toss that around with you casually while you waited to start dinner, FFS. He either was hoping you would tell her what he said, which was an attempt at crappy second-hand communication on his part, or he just has no concept of why it's inappropriate for him to blather to her friends about something HE should set HER straight about.

Bold sentence above #2:

Your friend's tactic with the ring is horrible "communication." Adults should not "hint" like this; it's game-playing. She's hoping he'll come through with a romantic proposal and then of course she'll be able to sway his thoughts about kids. Frankly your friend is thinking and behaving immaturely.

Definitely try convincing her to freeze eggs as others note. In your shoes, I'd probably butt out of the rest of it, though I'd be sorely tempted to tell her point-blank that performative "hinting" about marriage is not communication and she needs to act her age and use her words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wearing a wedding ring as a hint?!?!

Eh... your friend has bigger problems that this boyfriend's disinclination to have kids. She appears to not know how to communicate, or how to behave.

Since she's a bit confused, yes, you should set her straight.

I don't think it's an age thing specifically. I married someone much older than me, but he proposed immediately and was eager to have children.

Your friend is really weird and will be single soon.

[Anonymous]

I was fine with this until the bolder above. Your friend is a nitwit and nothing fixes stupid.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend in her late 40s who is dating a man 15 years older, and I hate to say this, but he isn’t really into her.

They’ve been dating a few years and he doesn’t want to meet her friends, he doesn’t want her to move in, and doesn’t care about her son. It’s painfully obvious to all of us. She’s an extended booty call.

He’s wealthy, and maybe a secret spy (but really just a high-level defense contractor), so I guess that passes for interesting.

Unfortunately people who lack that much self awareness and are that desperate don’t respond well to people talking them out if it. There’s no setting her straight.

Also, let’s be real though. Most men aren’t worth dating.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. But they both sound like twits.

[Anonymous]

Tell your friend to get a tramp stamp that says "Property of [boyfriend's name]" That will convince him she's a keeper.

[Anonymous]

I'd stay out of it and not comment on the particular boyfriend, but I always let my friends know that I support them, including whoever they choose as a romantic partner (as I'm not inside their relationship), but they should know that they deserve a partner who respects them and treats them well. They shouldn't settle for less.

[Anonymous]

OP: Since you are so good at predicting the future, could you please send me Saturday's Power Ball number?

[Anonymous]

She’s a train who will wreck in about 10 months.

I’d bring up kids with him in front of her.

I’d also speak to him and ask him to break it off.

Your friend needs therapy, I’d try to get her to do this.

What happened with her dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s a train who will wreck in about 10 months.

I’d bring up kids with him in front of her.

I’d also speak to him and ask him to break it off.

Your friend needs therapy, I’d try to get her to do this.

What happened with her dad?

Whoa, no to both the things in bold. Way too intrusive. I am in favor of OP -- if OP and the woman really are good friends -- being honest with her and pointing out that she's being foolish and immature to wear a ring, hint around, etc. But if OP "speaks to him and asks him to break it off"? WTF? That's inserting oneself WAY too far into someone else's relationship. OP can be a frank and honest friend to the woman but should not get into their business by telling the guy to break up.