DC (22) refuses relationship with close relative

[Anonymous]

What would you do if your child expresses repeatedly over the years that they despised a particular relative (but not their other relatives, at all) and that progressed to child refusing gifts from said relative, refusing to attend relative’s birthdays, etc? Child has always said they find relative extremely annoying; relative nowadays spends ~4 days a week at our home in a caretaker role, and child is home over break from college. Relative is angry that child won’t interact beyond a hello, and child says nasty, baseless things (privately) about relative when we confront child. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I’m this way. The relative tormented me as a young tween and did things that petrified me and put my life in danger. Everyone else thought this person was a jolly fun person to have around. I knew they had a dark cruel streak.

[Anonymous]

I would stop confronting the “child” about it. Let the relative be angry.

[Anonymous]

Your child is an adult is able to decide with whom they want to form a relationship with, relative or not. As long as they are not rude, I don’t see the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stop confronting the “child” about it. Let the relative be angry.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stop confronting the “child” about it. Let the relative be angry.

Wait, I just read your OP again. What is the child saying and how do you know it is baseless? I would strongly consider they are telling the truth and react toward the relative accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if your child expresses repeatedly over the years that they despised a particular relative (but not their other relatives, at all) and that progressed to child refusing gifts from said relative, refusing to attend relative’s birthdays, etc? Child has always said they find relative extremely annoying; relative nowadays spends ~4 days a week at our home in a caretaker role, and child is home over break from college. Relative is angry that child won’t interact beyond a hello, and child says nasty, baseless things (privately) about relative when we confront child. WWYD?

There’s a reason why the child behaves like that. I’ll let the child be.

[Anonymous]

Did the relative do something to the child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did the relative do something to the child?

OP here. Not to my knowledge. Whenever I confront child, child says their angry that relative watches Fox News loudly every time they come over, opposes relative’s political and religious views, says they find the sound of relative’s voice annoying, that relative meddles way too much/is judgmental, relative leaves multiple doors at unlocked at night every time they come in front door and go outside through other doors, that relative comes over too much and stays too long, relative wears dirty shoes all over the house, that relative is sexist toward DC (relative is same gender and sex as DC) and I could go on. Relative is not a bad person in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

My DC same with my sister. My daughter picked up on her judgement over the years. I don’t push it.

[Anonymous]

“Child”? There is no child in this scenario.

Why would your adult son or daughter have to say more than hello or basic civilities when around them? They don’t have to like them, but they do have to be civil. The end.

[Anonymous]

When does DC go back to college?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a shit mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When does DC go back to college?

In two weeks

[Anonymous]

I would support my child — and value their judgement. I would also wonder if the relative had done something seriously damaging to my child.
If the relative is angry, so be it.

As another PP said: How on earth do you know that your child’s comments are baseless?
It stands out to me that since this is the only relative that your adult offspring despises — there’s a good chance that this relative may actually be despicable.
What I would do is listen to my adult offspring— and monitor the relative carefully, especially around children. If your adult offspring is saying these things to a parent who views their comments as “baseless”, imagine what “nasty…things” they might not be saying, because the parent whose job it is to protect them doesn’t take what they’re saying seriously.