Is my Dad being friend-broken up with?

[Anonymous]

Concerned and protective adult daughter here: My mom died last May. Since then, my former landlords and family friends -- who knew my parents and were friendly with them, especially with my late mom -- have been wonderful about meeting weekly with my dad for dinner, either on Zoom when cold (COVID) or outdoors. I know he has LOVED having a weekly ritual to rely on. Sometimes he brings another (female, platonic, recently widowed) friend of theirs as well, so it's a group of four.

Well, my dad got a text today from the husband/landlord saying he wanted to "meet to discuss plans" going forward, and asked that they meet in person at a coffee shop outside. My dad called me worried. He said he was apprehensive and concerned by the vague text!! Somehow I went into protective mode, like my dad is some person to be pitied and is about to be offloaded by these people because it's now been a year since he was widowed and the weekly routine is too much!!

So I reached out to the wife and was honest -- I said my dad got the text, was nervous, is everything OK, and while he loves having them in the social mix, please don't feel they need to adhere to a strict schedule. I want to protect his feelings! The wife said that her husband just wanted to discuss "future plans and COVID" and that they are worried about another surge. (The husband is high risk.)

I guess I'm wondering why my dad is being summoned to a coffee shop meeting; if you think he's about to be told they don't want to meet up anymore and maybe COVID makes a handy excuse; and how to protect him. He is really lonely! He has other friends but this was a weekly touchstone for him, and everyone seemed to enjoy it (landlords told me they did too!). I have a weird pit in my stomach!

[Anonymous]

Its a bit weird to meet at a coffee shop if you are worried about covid. Its not reasonable to have them be his caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a bit weird to meet at a coffee shop if you are worried about covid. Its not reasonable to have them be his caretaker.

Where does it say he has or needs a caretaker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a bit weird to meet at a coffee shop if you are worried about covid. Its not reasonable to have them be his caretaker.

Also: The post says "outside."

[Anonymous]

You seem to be overreacting. Let him see what happens at the meeting and move on from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to be overreacting. Let him see what happens at the meeting and move on from there.

I'm only upset because my dad told me he was upset.😕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to be overreacting. Let him see what happens at the meeting and move on from there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think you're feeding his anxiety. Stop. I know you love your Dad and want to protect him. But it's also not this couple's responsibility to be your father's social circle. It would be great if they want to continue the weekly get togethers but if they don't that's ok too. I think what you're battling her also is perhaps feelings of guilt knowing that the loss of this weekly plan ultimately puts more pressure on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think you're feeding his anxiety. Stop. I know you love your Dad and want to protect him. But it's also not this couple's responsibility to be your father's social circle. It would be great if they want to continue the weekly get togethers but if they don't that's ok too. I think what you're battling her also is perhaps feelings of guilt knowing that the loss of this weekly plan ultimately puts more pressure on you.

Seeing someone once a week isn't being their social circle, and if you do need to change up the routine, wouldn't that happen organically, not at a predetermkned meeting?

[Anonymous]

You are crazy. THey just want to put a Covid plan in place. Tell your dad to chill out and you're sure it's fine. Also, tell him to not put all his socializing eggs in one basket and to get some more friends.

And in the future, dont' call your dad's friends to ask why they want to talk to them. He's not four and you're not his mommy. He's a grown man. Let him handle his relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy. THey just want to put a Covid plan in place. Tell your dad to chill out and you're sure it's fine. Also, tell him to not put all his socializing eggs in one basket and to get some more friends.

And in the future, dont' call your dad's friends to ask why they want to talk to them. He's not four and you're not his mommy. He's a grown man. Let him handle his relationships.

+1 I think it's very strange and off-putting that you did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy. THey just want to put a Covid plan in place. Tell your dad to chill out and you're sure it's fine. Also, tell him to not put all his socializing eggs in one basket and to get some more friends.

And in the future, dont' call your dad's friends to ask why they want to talk to them. He's not four and you're not his mommy. He's a grown man. Let him handle his relationships.

1. Calling someone crazy is rude. 2. He has other friends. 3. These people are my friends too. 4. You sound lacking in empathy and adult-caregiving experience judging by the tone of the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy. THey just want to put a Covid plan in place. Tell your dad to chill out and you're sure it's fine. Also, tell him to not put all his socializing eggs in one basket and to get some more friends.

And in the future, dont' call your dad's friends to ask why they want to talk to them. He's not four and you're not his mommy. He's a grown man. Let him handle his relationships.

+1 I think it's very strange and off-putting that you did this.

I know them extremely well and have for 15 years. We text daily. Wasn't weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy. THey just want to put a Covid plan in place. Tell your dad to chill out and you're sure it's fine. Also, tell him to not put all his socializing eggs in one basket and to get some more friends.

And in the future, dont' call your dad's friends to ask why they want to talk to them. He's not four and you're not his mommy. He's a grown man. Let him handle his relationships.

+1 I think it's very strange and off-putting that you did this.

I know them extremely well and have for 15 years. We text daily. Wasn't weird.

Not sure why you posted here if you are so defensive and hostile to every response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are crazy. THey just want to put a Covid plan in place. Tell your dad to chill out and you're sure it's fine. Also, tell him to not put all his socializing eggs in one basket and to get some more friends.

And in the future, dont' call your dad's friends to ask why they want to talk to them. He's not four and you're not his mommy. He's a grown man. Let him handle his relationships.

+1 I think it's very strange and off-putting that you did this.

I know them extremely well and have for 15 years. We text daily. Wasn't weird.

Not sure why you posted here if you are so defensive and hostile to every response.

Because nearly every response has been mocking and hostile.