Is my Dad being friend-broken up with?

[Anonymous]

My guess is they are uncomfortable hosting venues that facilitate a possible new romance between your widower father and recent widow when they had a closer relationship with your mom. Maybe they feel like it’s somehow disrespectful of her memory or something.

[Anonymous]

You are too enmeshed with your dad and you will suffocate him. Unless he is cognitively disabled you need to back off and not interfere in his social world. You are not his therapist either. If he is anxious about it I guess you could help him say what he most fears and make sure he can cope with that. More importantly though if he keeps emotionally dumping on you is you should steer him toward grief support groups and therapy where he can truly grow.

[Anonymous]

Wow. What weird responses folks. Take a cup of herbal tea and be kind.

In this year of loneliness and loss for many, it's a valid concern your Dad has. The formality of the invitation to talk is also though provoking. Tell him just that. "Hmmm... interesting Dad. Call me after you meet and we can chat about it." Down play what it could be - I think that's where a lot of stress lies... in the "could be".

You are a good daughter.

[Anonymous]

It’s been a year and they would like to make the visits less frequent, possibly because of the upcoming surge. Weekly is quite a commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a year and they would like to make the visits less frequent, possibly because of the upcoming surge. Weekly is quite a commitment.

Yes, that's exactly what happened. My dad understands (he called me from the car afterward), but now he is left without a weekly touchstone that he truly valued. How can I support him without engineering his social life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a year and they would like to make the visits less frequent, possibly because of the upcoming surge. Weekly is quite a commitment.

Yes, that's exactly what happened. My dad understands (he called me from the car afterward), but now he is left without a weekly touchstone that he truly valued. How can I support him without engineering his social life?

Encourage him to try other venues to meet people like a senior center. I would also push for a bereavement support group if he needs it or therapy. He should not be this reliant on his daughter for emotional support. Even in adulthood you cannot be his best friend of parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been a year and they would like to make the visits less frequent, possibly because of the upcoming surge. Weekly is quite a commitment.

Yes, that's exactly what happened. My dad understands (he called me from the car afterward), but now he is left without a weekly touchstone that he truly valued. How can I support him without engineering his social life?

Encourage him to try other venues to meet people like a senior center. I would also push for a bereavement support group if he needs it or therapy. He should not be this reliant on his daughter for emotional support. Even in adulthood you cannot be his best friend of parent.

Yup, that was my question: How to support him without getting overly enmeshed.

[Anonymous]

Are they your dad's landlords? Doesn't it make sense that they want to discuss things related to the home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they your dad's landlords? Doesn't it make sense that they want to discuss things related to the home?

"Since then, my former landlords and family friends -- who knew my parents and were friendly with them, especially with my late mom -- have been wonderful about meeting weekly with my dad for dinner"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage him to try other venues to meet people like a senior center. I would also push for a bereavement support group if he needs it or therapy.

These are good ideas. Also other clubs, or a place or worship. Are there Meet-Up groups in his area?

And of course you might want to reconsider his living situation. FWIW, I have several family members (single and coupled) that moved into independent living apartments over the last few years, and in all the cases it has been very good for them socially.

[Anonymous]

In most couples, it's the wife that makes most of the social plans and maintains the friendships, so it's normal that your dad's friend-making skills are rusty. For my dad, it helped to join some activities (meals on wheels driver, Habitat for Humanity, teaching Sunday School) that required a weekly commitment, and also to take classes in hobbies like painting that he had enjoyed as a younger man.

[Anonymous]

who are these weirdos that schedule a formal meeting to tell someone they are meeting less often?

I have to wonder if they are trying to push him and his platonic lady friend into a romance by dialing back group meet ups, but it still seems really strange to me.

[Anonymous]

How often is your dad hosting these get-togethers? Asking someone else about plans on his behalf is weird, but pointing out to him that he needs to step up and issue invites himself is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who are these weirdos that schedule a formal meeting to tell someone they are meeting less often?

I have to wonder if they are trying to push him and his platonic lady friend into a romance by dialing back group meet ups, but it still seems really strange to me.

Probably because they just wanted to meet with him alone.

[Anonymous]

OP - I would encourage your dad to do any of the things mentioned - join a local Senior Center and get their newsletter to see what programs might be of interest. Check out service groups like Kiwanis or Rotary that have lunch meetings or other local service groups. If he is not affiliated with a church, go and try some out and see if any have activities for seniors. Also finding some way for exercise as through a senior center, community center or fitness center geared in some ways to seniors might helphim.