Leaving 3 y.o. for 9 days?

[Anonymous]

I have a work opportunity that would require me to leave my 3 y.o daughter for 9 days, coming up in the fall. It's not a required trip but it would elevate my career and I don't think this opportunity will come again anytime soon. She'd stay home with her father and I'd also have my mom come and help out, who she's very close with.

For context, I have never left her overnight before. She's in preschool part time but otherwise I'm always with her and she's very attached to me. We're also moving to a new state this summer and she'll be starting a new school in Sept. (the trip is in Oct) so I'm a little concerned that all these transitions coupled with me leaving will be very hard for her. When I do leave her with my mom for a full day (rarely) she's fine but once dinnertime rolls around she starts getting antsy and wanting me to come home.

I know plenty of moms who have careers that require them to take work trips and their kids are fine with it but they've been doing that since their kids were babies, so they're used to it. I guess I'm just concerned bc this would really be our first time apart. I'd love to hear anyone's experiences and advice.

[Anonymous]

I went on an 8-day trip when child was 2 going on three. Didn’t matter a bit. She didn’t mind. I had not been gone overnight before that and had breastfed until 18 months old. She did, however, spend a lot of time with dad/husband and they have always been close - to this day. So that likely helped. They are pretty resilient at that age, although it is child dependent, of course.

[Anonymous]

Advice: Go on the trip. Your child will be in excellent care with her other parent and a grandparent.

What exactly are you concerned about? Why wouldn’t you go?

[Anonymous]

I work at a place where many of us travel a lot for 1-3 weeks. in most of my colleagues’ and my cases, the kids are completely fine after 1-2 days of adjustment but it wears on the other parent if you stay longer than 8-9 days.

[Anonymous]

I'd say definitely go. Your kid will be fine.
My experience: I went on a business trip of about 10 days when my kid was 3. Kid was in daycare, DH is a very involved parent and it worked fine.
Full transparency - it wasn't all easy. Kid was not as relaxed as usual, very needy and not smiling as much. After I came back, kid was "mad" at me for 2 or 3 days. But then afterwards everything went back to normal.

If it's not the case already, make sure your kid spends lots of time with DH, specially during morning / evening routines.

[Anonymous]

I would have felt this exact same way when my dd was 3 and I never did any trips. Now that she's older I say DO IT!! She won't be with a nanny, she'll be with dad and grandma!! She'll be fine. And if she is sad while you're gone; she's sad. It's not our job to shield our children from feelings, it's to help them learn to cope with feelings.

This is a great opportunity for you to practice having her do an overnight with just grandma a few times before October (hint hint you and your dh get away!).

Listen, when I finally did some trips when my anxious dd was older she did get sad sometimes, but she was always fine when I got back. Her anxiety is always there (therapy helps) but me going away/not going away was not the thing that contributed to her being anxious. I really really encourage you to go on this trip.

[Anonymous]

Go. She’ll be with the other parent, it’s not going to hurt her. You can FaceTime every day.

[Anonymous]

It’ll be totally fine, I promise. My husband travels 50% of the time. What helps is giving advanced notice that you’re leaving, and doing FaceTime with her when you are away so she can chat with you. Also helps to bring a small toy or book from the airport on your return. As with every potential issue in life, there is a Daniel Tiger episode about when a parent has to go away for work. You might check that out on Amazon and have your daughter watch it.

[Anonymous]

I think it will be fine, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, in the long run, this trip itself won’t harm your child. Might it be stressful for her at the time, especially in the context of moving to a new state and starting a new school, sure. At her age, and with this much advance notice, there’s plenty you can do to prepare her for the trip. You can practice by leaving her with her dad for a night or two. You can talk to her about the trip and help answer concerns she might have. You can talk about what she’ll do while you’re away and all the things she’ll tell you when you return.

I don’t think it’s accurate to insist that your daughter “won’t mind,” because she might. It might be stressful for her (and you, in some ways). That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. So, I’d say go on the trip and also prepare her for it, along the lines of what I described above. If you have a strong relationship, you can withstand the time apart, even if you end up causing some temporary stress or she’s angry at you for going away or whatever. Those are the kinds of stressors that healthy kids can adapt to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a work opportunity that would require me to leave my 3 y.o daughter for 9 days, coming up in the fall. It's not a required trip but it would elevate my career and I don't think this opportunity will come again anytime soon. She'd stay home with her father and I'd also have my mom come and help out, who she's very close with.

For context, I have never left her overnight before. She's in preschool part time but otherwise I'm always with her and she's very attached to me. We're also moving to a new state this summer and she'll be starting a new school in Sept. (the trip is in Oct) so I'm a little concerned that all these transitions coupled with me leaving will be very hard for her. When I do leave her with my mom for a full day (rarely) she's fine but once dinnertime rolls around she starts getting antsy and wanting me to come home.

I know plenty of moms who have careers that require them to take work trips and their kids are fine with it but they've been doing that since their kids were babies, so they're used to it. I guess I'm just concerned bc this would really be our first time apart. I'd love to hear anyone's experiences and advice.

I was away for a month in a hospital with a life threatening infection when mine was almost 4 and he doesn't even remember. He's in grad school now and so far so good, I didn't damage him. Go, grow you career, advance professionally.

[Anonymous]

I thought you were going to say leaving her alone in the house 😂

This is absolutely no big deal. My mom traveled for a month+ at a time when I was growing up. Her first trip was when I was six weeks old. I'm fine and we are still close.

[Anonymous]

Do a practice run with a night or two away from her a few months in advance.

Try googling some of the calendar tricks that other parents use - opening a small gift a day, counting down the days, etc to get her excited about something with something to look forward to.

https://www.parents.com/parenting/work/how-to-prepare-kids-when-parents-travel-for-work/

[Anonymous]

I think if her dad will be with her it will be totally fine! She’s old enough to prepare. Talk about it. How she might miss you. What she can do when she does (tell her dad, ask for an extra hug, ask when your next face time is, maybe a special toy to hug you give her before you go). How it will be so brave for her to have fun with dad without you. What you will do that is special when you get back (like a day trip to somewhere fun).

[Anonymous]

My kids went on a trip with DH for 9 days around that age. My only advice is to understand it might be easier for her and your DH if you don’t call/FaceTime. My kids were fine - until they talked to me. You won’t know until you try, though.