Yeah, I’m sure a husband who signs her up to cook and clean for his family event and refuses to show even a once of appreciation is going to do anything for her next weekend (or any other weekend.) Read the room. |
Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.
Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly. |
Why doesn’t her husband handle it? |
Nope. She gets one event, not two. You get your kids for Mother’s Day. |
No this is ridiculous! Mother’s Day is not grandma’s day! What is with these boomers digging their nasty claws into Mother’s Day? I’m GenX and I would never expect my adult kids to cater to me on Mothers Day especially if they have young kids. |
She has already responded to this question many times. She can’t tell her MIL no because her husband said he’s going and taking their kids no matter what. |
No OP said her husband told her he wanted to go. My guess is because it gives him a free pass not to do anything for Mothers Day. OP you can be firm with your husband and tell him no way. You’ll be beat after dealing with HIS family the day before and you were serious when you wanted a quiet Mother’s Day with just him and the kids. |
Because he's not the one who cares so deeply about this. Sure, ideally he should, but it's unlikely he will, so if it's important to OP then she needs to use her grown up words. |
I spent the first 10 years of my kids lives going to MIL for Mother's Day. My own mom is 3000 miles away. Then I put my foot down: I am spending the day with the kids on Mother's Day. DH can go celebrate his mom on that day, without me and the kids. Now, I take the kids the night before Mother's Day to a nice hotel, and the next day we have brunch and do a hike or something fun. For Father's Day, DH gets to decide what he wants to do - we can spend it as a family or he can go to see his dad with or without the kids, or split the day. This works for us. |
Are your parents not boomers? This isn’t a generational problem. Nasty claws? Wtf. |
Sounds like a win/win. OP wants to relax so she can do that while husband takes the kids. |
My PP is last quoted. Still confused on why OP house for the 50 person shower for MIL niece/DH cousin. and who's paying for it? That is so huge - chair/table rentals, massive food , serving tables, beverages, refrigerator take over...maybe over $3500 excluding a tent for rain. Moving furniture inside to fit tables? Mother's Day is 4 weeks away and MIL invited OP's parents to the brunch. OP parent/s also invited to shower? That shower needs to go to a venue or another residence. Curious if OP knew the 50 people guest count before consenting to let them host it at her house. |
Where are OP's parents? Would they like to sit this one out? OP could leave for a hotel after the shower guests go home, and her spouse could take the kids to Grandma's for lunch.
OP, I hope you're making sure your MIL and DH are doing all the work for the shower. |
Your DH needs to stay home w/ you and the kids. He can celebrate his mother's "day" on another weekend. You deserve a break and peace and he needs to put YOU first. |
Hosting 20 in the home is hard, much less 50. I’m “hosting” a graduation event for 14 at a local restaurant. I’m not sure any of this makes sense to me… |