Spending Mother's Day with MIL- WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op ... it's this year only.

One year and you can’t just roll with it. Suggest you develop some life coping skills.

[Anonymous]

I would demand the following weekend be declared YOUR Mother's Day and you do all the relaxing you want. Tell husband he's on first all weekend for all kid obligations, all meals. That is the ONLY way I would agree. And THEN I would go to this big lunch and not lift a finger. No offering to bring anything, no clearing everyone's dishes. Nope. MIL wants to host. Then SHE HOSTS. Plus all the family that enjoyed themselves at YOUR home the last two days can pick up all the slack.

[Anonymous]

If it were me I’d book a Saturday night hotel and Sunday spa appointment for just myself in whatever town you’re staying in! And let husband and kids do the other festivities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would demand the following weekend be declared YOUR Mother's Day and you do all the relaxing you want. Tell husband he's on first all weekend for all kid obligations, all meals. That is the ONLY way I would agree. And THEN I would go to this big lunch and not lift a finger. No offering to bring anything, no clearing everyone's dishes. Nope. MIL wants to host. Then SHE HOSTS. Plus all the family that enjoyed themselves at YOUR home the last two days can pick up all the slack.

LOL. You must be a peach.

[Anonymous]

I'd go to lunch but would make sure my husband understands that I'm along for the ride. He's on first for getting the kids ready, bathed, dressed, out the door. Just let me know when we're leaving. And don't remind him about getting his mom flowers or whatever. The dude can do a little planning. Enjoy your lunch!

[Anonymous]

Just as long as you can get the down time you need some other time, I’d say suck it up.

Moving forward, it sounds like you need a strategy to stop getting involved in this slippery slope with MIL in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is option two making you seem like a jerk? It sounds lovely to be able to sleep in without the kids, and have them celebrate you as mom for a nice dinner instead of brunch. If for some reason this would piss DH off, then I think that’s terribly unfair.

Yeah I agree. I do this all the time when I feel like I’ve recently spent time with inlaws and prefer time to myself or to do other things. Maybe they all think I’m awful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t your husband hosting the shower? He should handle the shopping, cooking, set up and clean up. It’s his mother and sibling’s child. Stop propagating the idea that all this crap is women’s work. Every time his mommy has a great idea for your family to host something , he’s on for pulling it together.

I would honestly tell him fine and that you’ll be going out of town that weekend. Enjoy hosting the shower and getting lots of time with MIL. Then stick to it. Book a flight and hotel and go somewhere! No anger, no passive threats, just do it.

Wow, this is such an uncharitable attitude. It is no wonder there are so many bad relationships. Please don't follow this advice. Go on Sunday, relax and try to enjoy the fact that you and your DH both have living mothers to spend time with. Let DH know you would appreciate celebrating you the following week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t your husband hosting the shower? He should handle the shopping, cooking, set up and clean up. It’s his mother and sibling’s child. Stop propagating the idea that all this crap is women’s work. Every time his mommy has a great idea for your family to host something , he’s on for pulling it together.

I would honestly tell him fine and that you’ll be going out of town that weekend. Enjoy hosting the shower and getting lots of time with MIL. Then stick to it. Book a flight and hotel and go somewhere! No anger, no passive threats, just do it.

Wow, this is such an uncharitable attitude. It is no wonder there are so many bad relationships. Please don't follow this advice. Go on Sunday, relax and try to enjoy the fact that you and your DH both have living mothers to spend time with. Let DH know you would appreciate celebrating you the following week.

No, the OP already expressed that she didn’t want to host the shower that weekend but MIL steamrolled her. Now she is stuck prepping, cooking, serving and cleaning up after DH’s family that weekend. OP told her MIL and DH that she’d give in as long as she could just spend Mothers Day relaxing with her own family. They then steamrolled her into giving that up. MIL and DH are jerks that use OP and don’t give a crap about what OP wants. You should not constantly be charitable to people like this because they will suck you dry until you crack. Gain the strength to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t your husband hosting the shower? He should handle the shopping, cooking, set up and clean up. It’s his mother and sibling’s child. Stop propagating the idea that all this crap is women’s work. Every time his mommy has a great idea for your family to host something , he’s on for pulling it together.

I would honestly tell him fine and that you’ll be going out of town that weekend. Enjoy hosting the shower and getting lots of time with MIL. Then stick to it. Book a flight and hotel and go somewhere! No anger, no passive threats, just do it.

Wow, this is such an uncharitable attitude. It is no wonder there are so many bad relationships. Please don't follow this advice. Go on Sunday, relax and try to enjoy the fact that you and your DH both have living mothers to spend time with. Let DH know you would appreciate celebrating you the following week.

No, the OP already expressed that she didn’t want to host the shower that weekend but MIL steamrolled her. Now she is stuck prepping, cooking, serving and cleaning up after DH’s family that weekend. OP told her MIL and DH that she’d give in as long as she could just spend Mothers Day relaxing with her own family. They then steamrolled her into giving that up. MIL and DH are jerks that use OP and don’t give a crap about what OP wants. You should not constantly be charitable to people like this because they will suck you dry until you crack. Gain the strength to say no.

How does anyone make you do something you don't want to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t your husband hosting the shower? He should handle the shopping, cooking, set up and clean up. It’s his mother and sibling’s child. Stop propagating the idea that all this crap is women’s work. Every time his mommy has a great idea for your family to host something , he’s on for pulling it together.

I would honestly tell him fine and that you’ll be going out of town that weekend. Enjoy hosting the shower and getting lots of time with MIL. Then stick to it. Book a flight and hotel and go somewhere! No anger, no passive threats, just do it.

Wow, this is such an uncharitable attitude. It is no wonder there are so many bad relationships. Please don't follow this advice. Go on Sunday, relax and try to enjoy the fact that you and your DH both have living mothers to spend time with. Let DH know you would appreciate celebrating you the following week.

No, the OP already expressed that she didn’t want to host the shower that weekend but MIL steamrolled her. Now she is stuck prepping, cooking, serving and cleaning up after DH’s family that weekend. OP told her MIL and DH that she’d give in as long as she could just spend Mothers Day relaxing with her own family. They then steamrolled her into giving that up. MIL and DH are jerks that use OP and don’t give a crap about what OP wants. You should not constantly be charitable to people like this because they will suck you dry until you crack. Gain the strength to say no.

I agree, but really DH needs to be the one to say no to his mom. It shouldn't be up to the DIL, her husband should be standing up for her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t your husband hosting the shower? He should handle the shopping, cooking, set up and clean up. It’s his mother and sibling’s child. Stop propagating the idea that all this crap is women’s work. Every time his mommy has a great idea for your family to host something , he’s on for pulling it together.

I would honestly tell him fine and that you’ll be going out of town that weekend. Enjoy hosting the shower and getting lots of time with MIL. Then stick to it. Book a flight and hotel and go somewhere! No anger, no passive threats, just do it.

Wow, this is such an uncharitable attitude. It is no wonder there are so many bad relationships. Please don't follow this advice. Go on Sunday, relax and try to enjoy the fact that you and your DH both have living mothers to spend time with. Let DH know you would appreciate celebrating you the following week.

No, the OP already expressed that she didn’t want to host the shower that weekend but MIL steamrolled her. Now she is stuck prepping, cooking, serving and cleaning up after DH’s family that weekend. OP told her MIL and DH that she’d give in as long as she could just spend Mothers Day relaxing with her own family. They then steamrolled her into giving that up. MIL and DH are jerks that use OP and don’t give a crap about what OP wants. You should not constantly be charitable to people like this because they will suck you dry until you crack. Gain the strength to say no.

Why not the cleanup part done by DH? As others suggest, pick different weekend as make-up Mother's day. Not a day, a weekend. Maybe you can plan a weekend getaway with family and DH pays for it. You previously let your DH know about reserving Mother's day for your own celebration. But now he steamrolled OP. It's DH problem.

[Anonymous]

Mother's Day is honestly going to remain a downer if your expectation is that it is just for you. You aren't the only mother in this scenario, right? We can get this idea once we have a kid that it will be all for you, but no, you will still be the one hosting it for or at least sharing it with everyone else for a long time to come.

I think if you can change your mindset, that this year you are celebrating motherhood with all the mothers in your life, you might get more enjoyment out of it (cause you are probably going to have to go).

[Anonymous]

No matter how you try to justify it, this is really sh!tty.

You already went above and beyond by hosting a baby shower for your niece and your husband’s family. Instead of showing appreciation for your kindness and generosity, your husband is treating you like a disposable second choice. You asked for a quiet day on Sunday and your husband agreed only to back out the minute another option comes up.

This is rude.

The MIL is secondary here, the real problem is your husband is treating you like an afterthought. He doesn’t appreciate or respect you. I’m not sure how I would handle this, but it’s definitely hurtful.

The husband taking the kids and ditching her at home is also a crappy solution. It sets her up as the family maid who’s completely disposable and whose presence is optional. And to do this on Mother’s Day is just gross.

Think long and hard before you agree to any other favors for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sunday to myself with no husband or kids sounds amazing. You have a great reason to as well, after the hard work of hosting a big event. To be fair to your husband he is entitled to want to spend Mother’s Day celebrating with his mom.

+1 to this. And his grandma. Mine is long gone and my mom is getting on in years too and I’d happily ditch my dh/kids/celebration of me to go celebrate her on Mother’s Day (yes I realize it’s different when it’s MIL and I’d be annoyed by that too)

But a day at home sounds great and totally easy to pull off with “I’m so tired from party and need to get house back in order before week”. Your kids can make you breakfast or whatever they do and then you can spend the day doing whatever you want instead of your usual weekend parenting routine

This is so horrible and cruel. She’s the family maid and servant. She can do whatever she wants as long as it’s cleaning up after her jerk in-laws.