Broken home & kid says it doesn't affect him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's had no contact with Dad and you haven't been willing for him to have a relationship with Dad so why the discussion or drama. Kid will tell you what you want to hear. You replaced his dad with your husband.

He sees his Dad all the time. His Dad is more mentally stable now, his new wife is a wonderful person. That doesn't erase the years before that, though.

So, why are you creating drama when there is none?

I'm checking in with him, asking him how he feels about it and if he wants help to ask. I told him that I want him to be healthy and happy and that if these things surface it's better to deal with it than hide or suppress it.

Because your ex just got married.

Actually he just got into a very competitive high school so it was more about that - the pressure boiler he may be stepping into - than his Dad getting married.

The high school has nothing to do with this and it being competitive is even more irrelevant. You also admitted that it was partly due to the dad getting remarried. This is all you.

Both things were on my mind. We were alone together driving to the school because his Dad was away on his honeymoon. It's also on my mind that he's leaving my house in a few short years and, at that point, I'm not there to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

My son actually mocked me when I brought it up. "OH yeah, Mom, I'm traumatized by you and Dad not being together."

Truly, my son had a horrific upbringing with his Dad. He was hit by his Dad when he didn't eat his food. He doesn't remember that. He was mocked every night at dinner by his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend. She pretended to be me to make medical appointments on his behalf to use that to threaten him. He then witnessed his Dad being arrested by the same girlfriend. She intentionally waited for a weekend where his Dad had him in custody to make it traumatizing. Then a few years later she acused his Dad of sexual assault of his other child so my son had to be forenscially interviewed in the investigation..need I go on?

I understand you think this is "me" but, really, some very traumatizing things happened to him. He either doesn't remember or he'll repeat what is his Dad's version of events.

His brain is protecting him by suppressing the memories. He’s not ready to examine it. Leave him be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

My son actually mocked me when I brought it up. "OH yeah, Mom, I'm traumatized by you and Dad not being together."

Truly, my son had a horrific upbringing with his Dad. He was hit by his Dad when he didn't eat his food. He doesn't remember that. He was mocked every night at dinner by his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend. She pretended to be me to make medical appointments on his behalf to use that to threaten him. He then witnessed his Dad being arrested by the same girlfriend. She intentionally waited for a weekend where his Dad had him in custody to make it traumatizing. Then a few years later she acused his Dad of sexual assault of his other child so my son had to be forenscially interviewed in the investigation..need I go on?

I understand you think this is "me" but, really, some very traumatizing things happened to him. He either doesn't remember or he'll repeat what is his Dad's version of events.

There is no way that you did not know that this man was very bad news before marring and having a child with him. You are 100% complicit.

I had no idea. I had never met an abusive person in my young life. I was much younger than him when we met and he swept me off my feet. It wasn't until I got pregnant that the full crazy came out and, by then, too late. Now that I know the signs of an abuser, I would never fall for that again. But that's not really helpful to me now, obviously.

BS. You ignored it. No one has to be abused to recognize abuse. You’re telling us that someone who is not abused wouldn’t know, which is ignorant. You admit that he was crazy before you got pregnant. Again, you are complicit but would never admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

My son actually mocked me when I brought it up. "OH yeah, Mom, I'm traumatized by you and Dad not being together."

Truly, my son had a horrific upbringing with his Dad. He was hit by his Dad when he didn't eat his food. He doesn't remember that. He was mocked every night at dinner by his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend. She pretended to be me to make medical appointments on his behalf to use that to threaten him. He then witnessed his Dad being arrested by the same girlfriend. She intentionally waited for a weekend where his Dad had him in custody to make it traumatizing. Then a few years later she acused his Dad of sexual assault of his other child so my son had to be forenscially interviewed in the investigation..need I go on?

I understand you think this is "me" but, really, some very traumatizing things happened to him. He either doesn't remember or he'll repeat what is his Dad's version of events.

There is no way that you did not know that this man was very bad news before marring and having a child with him. You are 100% complicit.

I had no idea. I had never met an abusive person in my young life. I was much younger than him when we met and he swept me off my feet. It wasn't until I got pregnant that the full crazy came out and, by then, too late. Now that I know the signs of an abuser, I would never fall for that again. But that's not really helpful to me now, obviously.

BS. You ignored it. No one has to be abused to recognize abuse. You’re telling us that someone who is not abused wouldn’t know, which is ignorant. You admit that he was crazy before you got pregnant. Again, you are complicit but would never admit it.

Victim blaming 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

My son actually mocked me when I brought it up. "OH yeah, Mom, I'm traumatized by you and Dad not being together."

Truly, my son had a horrific upbringing with his Dad. He was hit by his Dad when he didn't eat his food. He doesn't remember that. He was mocked every night at dinner by his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend. She pretended to be me to make medical appointments on his behalf to use that to threaten him. He then witnessed his Dad being arrested by the same girlfriend. She intentionally waited for a weekend where his Dad had him in custody to make it traumatizing. Then a few years later she acused his Dad of sexual assault of his other child so my son had to be forenscially interviewed in the investigation..need I go on?

I understand you think this is "me" but, really, some very traumatizing things happened to him. He either doesn't remember or he'll repeat what is his Dad's version of events.

There is no way that you did not know that this man was very bad news before marring and having a child with him. You are 100% complicit.

I had no idea. I had never met an abusive person in my young life. I was much younger than him when we met and he swept me off my feet. It wasn't until I got pregnant that the full crazy came out and, by then, too late. Now that I know the signs of an abuser, I would never fall for that again. But that's not really helpful to me now, obviously.

BS. You ignored it. No one has to be abused to recognize abuse. You’re telling us that someone who is not abused wouldn’t know, which is ignorant. You admit that he was crazy before you got pregnant. Again, you are complicit but would never admit it.

Victim blaming 🙄

I’m not blaming the child. I’m blaming the mom who is complicit.
You’re irresponsible like the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

Sure you didn’t use it with him and it was all appropriate. Right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

Why are you in here crowdsourcing this? You seem to enjoy this with doing this to your son to look like a hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

Sure you didn’t use it with him and it was all appropriate. Right.

I'm happy to hear more of your advice, I'm just saying that I don't use that terminology. We don't have a therapist - he's never been to therapy. School had him in a support group when some of the really bad abuse was happening at my request. Because he doesn't have any issues I've never pushed it. But maybe that's a mistake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

Why are you in here crowdsourcing this? You seem to enjoy this with doing this to your son to look like a hero.

I'm asking people with similar situations for advice about what they wish they had done differently. E.g. kid had a mental breakdown in college and I wished I had them in therapy before college. Unfortunately this seems to attract more people with judgement than experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

Sure you didn’t use it with him and it was all appropriate. Right.

I'm happy to hear more of your advice, I'm just saying that I don't use that terminology. We don't have a therapist - he's never been to therapy. School had him in a support group when some of the really bad abuse was happening at my request. Because he doesn't have any issues I've never pushed it. But maybe that's a mistake?

You revel in abusing your child in your own way. You were letting him get abused. Your above post said “really bad abuse was happening.”
You’re cementing that you were in fact complicit. You’re a terrible mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

You should look into why this triggers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

+1. It's such an unnecessarily negative framing. I'm divorced and would never use this term with my child. In fact I thought it was kind of standard practice not to use that term? Definitely no therapist would ever recommend it.

I used it in the title but not with him. You can see by his response I used the framing that we aren't together and weren't for most of his life.

Why are you in here crowdsourcing this? You seem to enjoy this with doing this to your son to look like a hero.

I'm asking people with similar situations for advice about what they wish they had done differently. E.g. kid had a mental breakdown in college and I wished I had them in therapy before college. Unfortunately this seems to attract more people with judgement than experience.

People don’t routinely let their children get abused so it’s justifiable to judge. You just like to blame others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop saying broken home.

My son actually mocked me when I brought it up. "OH yeah, Mom, I'm traumatized by you and Dad not being together."

Truly, my son had a horrific upbringing with his Dad. He was hit by his Dad when he didn't eat his food. He doesn't remember that. He was mocked every night at dinner by his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend. She pretended to be me to make medical appointments on his behalf to use that to threaten him. He then witnessed his Dad being arrested by the same girlfriend. She intentionally waited for a weekend where his Dad had him in custody to make it traumatizing. Then a few years later she acused his Dad of sexual assault of his other child so my son had to be forenscially interviewed in the investigation..need I go on?

I understand you think this is "me" but, really, some very traumatizing things happened to him. He either doesn't remember or he'll repeat what is his Dad's version of events.

There is no way that you did not know that this man was very bad news before marring and having a child with him. You are 100% complicit.

I had no idea. I had never met an abusive person in my young life. I was much younger than him when we met and he swept me off my feet. It wasn't until I got pregnant that the full crazy came out and, by then, too late. Now that I know the signs of an abuser, I would never fall for that again. But that's not really helpful to me now, obviously.

BS. You ignored it. No one has to be abused to recognize abuse. You’re telling us that someone who is not abused wouldn’t know, which is ignorant. You admit that he was crazy before you got pregnant. Again, you are complicit but would never admit it.

Not OP but you have no idea what you are talking about so please exit this thread.