Why are people so anti-sibling when not drop off parties?

[Anonymous]

If it's a small birthday party, then you shouldn't need parents to stay. Invite the number of children you can manage on your own.

Sorry, there is no way I would have dropped my son off at a birthday party, even of a person I knew, before he was 4. Doesn't matter if there were just a few other kids there. Would not feel comfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

I never bring uninvited guests, but have to say that I'm always bummed out reading these things. I know a few moms in real life who complain about paying for siblings, and these are moms who live much more extravagantly than we do. So I find it interesting that so many on this list are citing poverty as the reason. Hey, host whoever you want, but something makes me suspect that most of you on this list aren't limiting sibs because you're indigent.



So you need to be "indigent" to not have it in your party budget to host approximately 15 additional kids? I could afford to do it, but when I am already paying $350 for a home party (food, drinks, cake, loot bags, paperwear) at which I am hosting the parents of all 15 kids in my son's class, in addition to all of the kids, it becomes unreasonable and I don't want to do it.

I didn't say you needed to be indigent, but I AM calling out the first two pages worth of posters who made it a "if the family doesn't have enough money to" thing. Hey, you chose to have an over the top party with disposable crap that is hurting our planet, so if you also choose not to include the sibling of a single mom who (gasp) has a hard time with free child care and doesn't want to or can't pay for childcare but still wants her kid (your child's good friend) to make it to your kid's party, etc, then you get to know that there are some of us who think that's lame. I have a stay at home husband and can afford childcare, and generally speaking am never the parent who NEEDS to bring a sib. Still, when we have parties, I value being inclusive and nice over indulging little Sally's every whim for her damn fourth bday party or whatever. Perspective, people. Get some! Again you are FREE to invite who you want and enforce it like the little despot you appear to be when you take pains to inform that sibs are not invited on the invitations (gauche! but whatever). You think others lack manners and yet it can't occur to you that manners are about making people feel at home and good in social situations. Sure, it's bad manners to be that mom who brings the sibling to the over-done bounce party, but it's also bad manners to value having your party "just so" over being a decent human being. Oh and stop acting like everyone brings sibs. Most people don't. If one or two women call you to ask if johnny's brother can come because husband is in Japan for three weeks, that doesn't mean that everyone will do that. Just invite the child, rely on most people to "get it" that you don't want siblings, and stop having an ever-loving heart attack because a mom or two dares to bring brothers and sisters.

Oh, and if those sibs are wrecking the party, and the parents don't intervene, that's a different problem.

WTF? You are insane. I have never had a single mom, military spouse etc. ask to bring a sibling to a party. If so, I would certainly say fine. I HAVE however, repeatedly invited my son's friends to parties, and had both of their parents plus multiple siblings show up, without informing me that extra people were attending. If you are that offended by parties with favors and paper plates, you are always free to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If it's a small birthday party, then you shouldn't need parents to stay. Invite the number of children you can manage on your own.

Sorry, there is no way I would have dropped my son off at a birthday party, even of a person I knew, before he was 4. Doesn't matter if there were just a few other kids there. Would not feel comfortable with it.

And that's fine, and in that case if it's your preference it's reasonable that you'd bear the burden of finding childcare for another child. On the other hand, if a parent decides that they want parents there, because they invited more kids than they can handle, then they should make it possible for the parents to stay by accommodating their other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, please continue to put "no siblings, please" on your invitations so I can tell who you people are in real life and avoid you. And this is coming from a person with one child.

But why have we gotten to this point in society when the invited guests' family thinks that the invitation is for EVERYONE in their family? When you receive a wedding invitation clearly addressed to you and your spouse/guest, do you assume your DC is invited? Obviously, the host who has to resort to writing "no siblings, please" has gotten burned in the past and doesn't want anyone to bug her/him with requests for additional guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I happen to be the parent of an only child, so my decisions were easy. I always invited siblings if the kids were too young to be dropped off, and I never once brought a sibling with me. If I had another child, we'd respect the parents wishes, but might do so by not showing up at all. However, I'd also think it sad that their intent in having the party was to spoil their child rather than to build community, and it would impact my interest in being friends with them.

We don't invite siblings PRECISELY because we don't have big parties. We live in an apartment. We don't do big venue parties--we invite a few friends over for cake and ice cream. We simply do not have room to accomodate more kids than we invite. It's nice that you have a big house and a yard that can easily hold a big group. We don't. I understand why some parents have a big venue party if they don't have the space for a home party--it actually allows them to be more inclusive. But it also comes with its own set of limitations and trade-offs. Frankly, I'd rather not be friends with someone who judges people she doesn't really know for making choices that differ from the choices she would make. So it's really for the best that you wouldn't want to be friends with me.

I also live in a small apartment.

If you're just inviting a few friends over for cake and ice cream, why do you need parents to stay? This is about parties where parents aren't allowed to drop off.

Most parents I know will not drop off their kids until the kids are past toddlerhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, please continue to put "no siblings, please" on your invitations so I can tell who you people are in real life and avoid you. And this is coming from a person with one child.

But why have we gotten to this point in society when the invited guests' family thinks that the invitation is for EVERYONE in their family? When you receive a wedding invitation clearly addressed to you and your spouse/guest, do you assume your DC is invited? Obviously, the host who has to resort to writing "no siblings, please" has gotten burned in the past and doesn't want anyone to bug her/him with requests for additional guests.

Right? I don't need someone to write "no siblings, please" on an invitation. If the invitation is addressed only to one child, then I know that only that child is invited. If it is addressed to "Larla and Larlo Smith," or Larla & family" or "The Smith Family" then I know that siblings are included in the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, please continue to put "no siblings, please" on your invitations so I can tell who you people are in real life and avoid you. And this is coming from a person with one child.

But why have we gotten to this point in society when the invited guests' family thinks that the invitation is for EVERYONE in their family? When you receive a wedding invitation clearly addressed to you and your spouse/guest, do you assume your DC is invited? Obviously, the host who has to resort to writing "no siblings, please" has gotten burned in the past and doesn't want anyone to bug her/him with requests for additional guests.

Right? I don't need someone to write "no siblings, please" on an invitation. If the invitation is addressed only to one child, then I know that only that child is invited. If it is addressed to "Larla and Larlo Smith," or Larla & family" or "The Smith Family" then I know that siblings are included in the invitation.

Absolutely. People, please learn elementary manners. The invitation is for the person to whom it was addressed. That is it.

[Anonymous]

This just reinforces the whole entitled mentality, and parents are the worst offenders! Its called life people. You had multiple kids, now be prepared to deal with them. Im so over this entitlement culture: schools dictating that you have to invite an entire class, parents dictating that you have to invite all of their kids, etc, etc, etc,,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, please continue to put "no siblings, please" on your invitations so I can tell who you people are in real life and avoid you. And this is coming from a person with one child.

But why have we gotten to this point in society when the invited guests' family thinks that the invitation is for EVERYONE in their family? When you receive a wedding invitation clearly addressed to you and your spouse/guest, do you assume your DC is invited? Obviously, the host who has to resort to writing "no siblings, please" has gotten burned in the past and doesn't want anyone to bug her/him with requests for additional guests.

Right? I don't need someone to write "no siblings, please" on an invitation. If the invitation is addressed only to one child, then I know that only that child is invited. If it is addressed to "Larla and Larlo Smith," or Larla & family" or "The Smith Family" then I know that siblings are included in the invitation.

Absolutely. People, please learn elementary manners. The invitation is for the person to whom it was addressed. That is it.

So then the parents are required to drop off right? Because I've never been listed on a birthday invitation for my kid. Or do you address the invite to one child and a specific parent?

[Anonymous]

When did adult's social lives become completely focused on children's parties? Get a life. If there are other adults you want to see - invite them to get together to do adult things.

[Anonymous]

We've done parties at home and at venues but our parties are always drop-off. My rule is that extra siblings are welcome as long as one of the parents will agree to stay and watch them because money is not the issue -- esp for a home party -- but supervision is tough when there are only two adults for fifteen 8yos.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, there is no way I would have dropped my son off at a birthday party, even of a person I knew, before he was 4. Doesn't matter if there were just a few other kids there. Would not feel comfortable with it.


And that's fine, and in that case if it's your preference it's reasonable that you'd bear the burden of finding childcare for another child. On the other hand, if a parent decides that they want parents there, because they invited more kids than they can handle, then they should make it possible for the parents to stay by accommodating their other kids.

No, no, I only have one child, but I wouldn't feel comfortable dropping him off, and wouldn't expect other parents (who may have multiple kids) to feel comfortable either. I honestly don't mind accommodating younger siblings, but find it quite offensive when parents bring 7 and 8 year olds to a 3 year old's birthday party. It isn't fun for the older kids, and they are either miserable and moping, or running around bowling over the little ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I happen to be the parent of an only child, so my decisions were easy. I always invited siblings if the kids were too young to be dropped off, and I never once brought a sibling with me. If I had another child, we'd respect the parents wishes, but might do so by not showing up at all. However, I'd also think it sad that their intent in having the party was to spoil their child rather than to build community, and it would impact my interest in being friends with them.

We don't invite siblings PRECISELY because we don't have big parties. We live in an apartment. We don't do big venue parties--we invite a few friends over for cake and ice cream. We simply do not have room to accomodate more kids than we invite. It's nice that you have a big house and a yard that can easily hold a big group. We don't. I understand why some parents have a big venue party if they don't have the space for a home party--it actually allows them to be more inclusive. But it also comes with its own set of limitations and trade-offs. Frankly, I'd rather not be friends with someone who judges people she doesn't really know for making choices that differ from the choices she would make. So it's really for the best that you wouldn't want to be friends with me.

I'm not the person you're arguing with but I've taken a similar position as her (I also have one child, and am an only child). I have to say your post has made me think twice about this - I do understand your perspective. But...are you one of the ones really railing against this? Because you seem pretty reasonable here. And to me, some of the people going off on siblings are acting like they have 20 siblings coming, which is this big nightmare?, like there is this horde of siblings descending? I would so much rather have a small party with families that my children are close to. Maybe that informs my posts here. People almost always bring siblings to the parties we've had for our son, and it never occurred to me initially that another host might be offended by that. To me it is about celebrating as a party. I will say that when people are very clear and send their invite to my kid's name only, then I think, okay, this is one of those kid only things, and my husband and I take it as a signal that only one of us should go. But then, a good friend of mine from childhood addresses her invitations like this and it seems clear that she DOES expect us all to go. All these rules....it just seems to me that most people are sticklers about the siblings not because of a situation like yours, PP, but because they want to have some bounce house party or whatever. Your situation is more understandable, but I have to wonder if it's really that big of a deal as people are making it? Like so many people just crash your parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter. I'm sorry but for one or two hours that's really not too much to ask. If it was only ONE sibling, I am sure nobody would care - but imagine 5 invited guests each bringing a sibling. Or even more guests...yeah, not a good idea!

We recently had a small same sex birthday party for DC, two people brought opposite sex siblings and dropped them off, three kids parents stayed, and another brought opposite sex sibling, a set a grandparents and both parents, that is 13 extra people for a party of 8 kids. So my party went from 8 to 21. It sucked. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a sitter. I'm sorry but for one or two hours that's really not too much to ask. If it was only ONE sibling, I am sure nobody would care - but imagine 5 invited guests each bringing a sibling. Or even more guests...yeah, not a good idea!

We recently had a small same sex birthday party for DC, two people brought opposite sex siblings and dropped them off, three kids parents stayed, and another brought opposite sex sibling, a set a grandparents and both parents, that is 13 extra people for a party of 8 kids. So my party went from 8 to 21. It sucked. Thanks.

OP here. That I don't understand. When it is drop off, it is obvious only invited child goes. I am talking about the under age 5 years where parents are required to stay and other spouse is unavailable to watch sibling.