Therapist filed report with CPS, should I inform husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a category of abuse called neglect. If the husband’s punishments include not just yelling but things like deprivation of food, denying warm clothing on a cold day (ie if you lose that coat I am not buying you another), locking a kid in their room, taking all the covers off the bed for a week, turning off electricity in the house, turning off heat etc. then that’s why she called. We had parents who never hit us but were masters of neglect. I suspect this may be the story

Sorry but “if you lose that coat I am not buying you another” is not neglect. It’s natural consequences.

Eh, it could be.

[Anonymous]

So many trolls here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While details would be helpful, I'd fire your therapist

I would fire the husband.

I’d fire the husband and the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mandated reporter (principal in an an elementary school), and call CPS regularly when I suspect abuse. It’s not my job to investigate or determine if it’s actually happening. That is CPS’s job. I’ve made plenty of calls that are NOT “screened out,” meaning it’s not assigned to a case worker and investigated.

The therapist may very well have called because of yelling and threats made to the children and because they suspect either abuse or neglect or both. Who knows. CPS is not going to investigate every call. But the therapist has to call if they suspect abuse and/or neglect.

Do you call CPS on abusive teachers or you just protect them?

[Anonymous]

OP, I wonder if you are in denial about how bad your husband's parenting methods are. If the therapist suspects abuse, this is like the biggest red flag. Don't fire the therapist as some people have suggested. Consider firing the husband.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:While details would be helpful, I'd fire your therapist

Sounds like ditching the husband would be more appropriate if he’s committing reportable acts.

Therapist has a right and duty to report, but she broke patient confidence. I would never again trust him/her.

Any responsible therapist is going to break patience confidence after hearing evidence of CHILD ABUSE!

OP if you like your therapist you might as well stay with them, they are a responsible MANDATED REPORTER and they may be able to help you get your head out of you anus, stop being codependent and start protecting your child(ren) from CHILD ABUSE.

From what the OP had described, there was no abuse.

The OP is lying to us - if the therapist reported to CPS it was because OP disclosed something that meets the mandated reporter’s obligation, i.e., child abuse.

I know a thing or two about this, I am a former prosecutor who filed hundreds of petitions to remove children or formally intervene with their families and I put plenty of child abusers in prison, too.

HALF OF ALL CHILDREN ON THIS PLANET HAVE EXPERIENCED VIOLENCE.

HALF OF ALL CHILDREN.

Sure, some of them live in places where there is ongoing conflict or war and that’s the violence they have experienced.

But far more of them have experienced violence at the hands of ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy.’ And yes, an adult screaming at a child on a regular basis as their routine parenting is ABUSE.

Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging - and longer lasting - than most physical abuse. Beyond that, most parents who cannot control themselves and resort to routinely screaming at their kids have also used physical force that is unacceptable and anyone who is that emotionally unstable has the potential to snap and hit a child with extreme force.

I don’t tolerate excusing this kind of ‘parenting’ which is not parenting at all.

I’ve been sick with a bad respiratory infection the last two weeks and I spent much of my time laid up watching the trial of Adam Montgomery, who lost his shit and punched his 5 year old daughter in the head for wetting her pants. She died, and he carried her body around for months before dismembering her and throwing her away like garbage.

I cannot fathom screaming at a child. It’s traumatizing to a child to be screamed at by the people upon whom they rely for basic survival. You think a child being screamed at doesn’t wonder what else that ‘parent’ might do?

Anyone who excuses this kind of sick breeder behavior needs their head examined. Shame on all of you who do it and think it’s okay.

You had me until the screaming part.

All moms scream at their kids at one point or another, literally all of us. We do it because we repeat the same things nicely, quietly, over and over but our kids ignore us until we scream it. Boom! As soon as I scream something my kids listen. I don’t scream until I’ve repeated the same thing at least twenty times. “Johnny, it’s time to go practice piano.” Johnny’s watching tv or playing video games. “Come on Johnny, my love, it’s time for piano…..” It’d be the next morning before little Johnny stopped playing x-box and started playing the piano if I didn’t scream.

We all succumb to it eventually. It’s true for almost every nice mom I know. And if it’s not the mom. It’s the dad. Because kids like to ignore us when they don’t feel like listening.

I don’t believe that you have any experience with kids at all. You’re a liar and a judgmental dumb one at that. “Breeder behavior,” you’re kidding, right? You mean “parenting?”

I have literally never screamed, yelled or even raised my voice at my children. My youngest is 14. I agree with pp that it is abusive. From a parenting perspective, when you argue with or raise your voice to your child, you diminish your authority. Plus, you have poor emotional regulation. I know teens are difficult, but that's when you need authority and a good record with them. I can't imagine yelling at a young child. Pp, you need to revise your statement because there are parents who absolutely do not yell at their kids.

Thank you for this very funny comment. I literally laughed outloud. Not all kids are the same, you know that, right? You have perfect and compliant children, I get that. Not everyone does. Think a little beyond your smugness.

She was responding to a post that said "all moms scream at our kids, literally all of us". Maybe you should calm down about smugness. If you are not able to manage your children's behavior without "screaming" at them, I agree that the problem is with you, not your children. Not everyone struggles with that level of emotional regulation problem, including the PP.

As for the OP, I doubt she is posting exactly what she told her therapist. None of what she described, with that level of detail, is reportable. What is pretty common, however, is women married to men with anger management problems minimizing the problem to try to protect themselves and their children. On the one hand, I sympathize with OP going to therapy to get help and now fearing that the problem has been made worse. On the other hand, if the abuse described was serious enough to be reported, it sounds like the OP is not correctly assessing how much of a threat her husband actually is.

Oh come off it. I was responding to the smug poster who claimed she never even raised her voice to her kids. It wasn't about defending "screaming" as a child management tactic. If she and her offspring are so compliant and conflict free-yay them. It's either genetics, or meds-of which DCUM is enormously in favor of.

Oh goodness. NP here. I don't yell and my kids are HARD. They both have ADHD and one has mild ASD. It is an enormous effort not to yell. It's 100% not about the kids making it easy for me not to yell. Managing my own emotions so that I don't yell is the hardest thing I've ever done. Also the poster who said that we scream because we ask nicely many many times and then we hit our limit and scream is describing a very common but ineffective parenting tactic. It's a parenting choice, not an inevitability. Of course, it's abusive, just not effective. Frequent screaming to the point where a kids' fight or flight mode is constantly activated is abusive.

First state whether or not you drug your kids before you lecture everyone on parenting behaviors YOU consider “abusive”…

“Drug” like with sedatives? Or are you heading for an “ADHD meds are abuse” angle here?

Boring

The “angle”’is that people can have completely different and yet completely valid opinions on what types of parenting behaviors are “abusive”.

That you pretend you are too bored to consider that perhaps you engage in behavior that you consider normal, but that others may consider abusive, indicates that the point actually hit a little too close to home for your comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Informing your husband will help him get his story down and time to coach his kids on what to tell (lie) the investigator. I’d keep my mouth shut and prepare yourself and your kids for your own safety.

This