I'm very disappointed with my brother

Anonymous
Every year my aunt and uncle rent a house in Vermont for Christmas and invite family to join them for skiing. In the last 10 years, my brother has gone virtually every year and I have gone twice. For this year, we said we couldn't go because we were going overseas to see DH's family -- DD is 10 months old and has never seen her great-grandparents. At the last minute we had to change the overseas trip and we did it earlier. When my brother found out, he pushed me to try to go to Vermont and said it would be a lot of fun if we came, he says just call our aunt and see if there is any more room (I already knew the house was full). So my aunt looks into things and tells me that she cannot get a bigger place because they are locked in but she can get a 1 bedroom condo a couple of buildings over but that my brother and his girlfriend would have to volunteer to stay there. DD takes 2 naps a day and goes to bed at 7:30 pm so it just wouldn't be worth it for us to take the condo -- even if we put the pack-n-play in the house for daytime naps, we would have to lug it back in the morning/evening for bedtime and we would probably miss most dinners with everyone. So I call my brother and ask if he and his girlfriend would be willing to take the condo so we can stay at the house and my brother said no because he didn't want to be isolated from everyone. So then I had to call back my aunt, who was shocked and furious at my brother that he can't just sleep at the condo and hang out at the house before/after skiing. I'm taken aback, but my brother can be like this so I guess I was expecting it. I'm hoping he'll tell his girlfriend and that in the next day or so he will tell me that they will be ok staying at the condo because it is the right thing to do even if it is more inconvenient for them. I'm very disappointed in any event. My cousin and her husband will be there and I see them maybe once a year and she is pregnant now. And yes, I could have easily guilt-tripped my brother into taking the condo (eg, my aunt's family rarely sees DD, he goes every year and I rarely go, etc etc) but then he would just be resentful and I wouldn't want that.

Anonymous
I'm also very disappointed with your brother.
Anonymous
I don't blame him. You're the one who changed your plans and by him staying at the condo it makes for a much different experience for him, one which he might not have otherwise chosen to participate in. Your the last in, the burden on you is to be flexible, not him. I really can't believe this would be so hard for you to manage. Plus, with a small child the quiet of the condo could work out better for you.
Anonymous
Your brother goes every year. This is HIS tradition. Part of that tradition is staying in the house, and you think he should change that because your plans changed? You are being unreasonable in my book.

I totally completely understand why you feel it is not worth it - with naps and such to stay in the condo, but that is your decision. Not your brothers. He already had plans. You rarely go and you are expecting everyone to change their plans to accomadate you. And from staying with relatives on vacation, I can tell you, I'd love to have my own condo. The baby can nap at the house in someone's room.
Anonymous
Is your aunt paying for an extra condo for you all? That's awfully generous.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't blame him. You're the one who changed your plans and by him staying at the condo it makes for a much different experience for him, one which he might not have otherwise chosen to participate in. Your the last in, the burden on you is to be flexible, not him. I really can't believe this would be so hard for you to manage. Plus, with a small child the quiet of the condo could work out better for you.


That was the first thing I thought of too
Anonymous
I have a solution. Get a second pack n play. Keep one at the house and one at the condo. Honestly, I think that you are the one being unreasonable here.
Anonymous
Why do you expect everyone to rearrange everything to suit you? I feel to see what the big deal is with you staying at the condo? "Lug the pack-n-play"? what, all 10 lbs of it? It's hardy that big a deal, it is portable, and that's the point of it. Take the condo, thank your aunt for being so generous and jumping through hoops for you, and don't expect everything to revolve around you and your child. It won't. At some point, you'll be glad you have the quiet of a condo to escape to.
Anonymous
Wow OP, your sense of entitlement is really shocking!
Anonymous
OP I see your point. Your brother is the one who pressed you to attend and now he's unwilling to make what for him is a minor adjustment?

Just wait until your brother has a child and begins to understand how much more challenging EVERYTHING is with children vs. when you are adults only.

Besides he and his girlfriend could have shake-the-rafters sex in the condo every night! I don't see how simply sleeping in the condo would isolate him from anything. You are the one who is going to have to move a sleeping baby.

Make your decision on what you want to do. Do you want to go, and are you willing to move your sleeping baby to visit them? (Even with a second pack n play).
Anonymous
Just because your brother doesn't have a family of his own doesn't mean he's any less important than you. This is what he has known of Christmas for 10 straight years. You have no right to change that to accommodate your whims.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Your brother goes every year. This is HIS tradition. Part of that tradition is staying in the house, and you think he should change that because your plans changed? You are being unreasonable in my book.

I totally completely understand why you feel it is not worth it - with naps and such to stay in the condo, but that is your decision. Not your brothers. He already had plans. You rarely go and you are expecting everyone to change their plans to accomadate you. And from staying with relatives on vacation, I can tell you, I'd love to have my own condo. The baby can nap at the house in someone's room.


I agree with this. Sorry OP, I think this is your problem, and you are trying to make it your brother's problem.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Just because your brother doesn't have a family of his own doesn't mean he's any less important than you. This is what he has known of Christmas for 10 straight years. You have no right to change that to accommodate your whims.


Yes, this. The fact that you have a child does not trump everyone else's wants and needs.
Anonymous
I agree with the PPs. I can't stand how people think that just because they chose to have children, everyone else should rearrange their lives to accommodate that choice. Anyway, you made it pretty clear that this is your "second choice" trip. It's clearly your brother's first choice. Explain to me why he should have to compromise?
Anonymous
you are the one with the change of plans. Why force that on your brother too? Plus as cute as your little one is and as much as I am so sure you think your family want to spend time with her, a little break from a child is great during a VACATION.
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