Guests who criticize your house
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Anonymous
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How do you handle family guests who criticize and question your home?
We have a lovely, 3-floor SFH that is well-maintained. There are some aesthetic things we want to change, and have done a few fun things, but in the 6 years we've owned our home, we have focused on addressing any structural issues that needed to be addressed/would be good to do. I'd say even our cosmetic stuff, our house is a 7.5/10 in good shape when it comes to looks, and 10/10 with maintenence. We have family guests who stay here 3-4 times a year. They are constantly, and I mean constantly, finding fault with our home and asking when we're going to do this or that. None of it, in my view, is needed, except I do really want to do new carpet/flooring upstairs. But even that is just cosmetic and not needed; the current carpet is fine and not worn or torn or anything. What do you say to people who make these kinds of comments? [And no, we've accepted money from exactly no one, and would never. We turned down money twice when it was offered. Again; everything structural is great, we've done some cosmetic work, but the rest is all just details and we will do one project at a time, as we can afford it while still saving, traveling and all the other things we prioritize.] |
Anonymous
| Can you give some examples of what they actually say? |
Anonymous
| My MIL does this. I started saying some stuff like: ok, I’ll keep it mind for when we hit the lotto. |
Anonymous
"What are you planning for the kitchen?" [Kitchen is fine; granite, nice cupboards, new appliances in stainless steel. Not all of it was all our pic, but no real estate agent would put it on the "must-do" list.] "When are you going to get new carpet upstairs?" "What color will you be painting the deck?" [Deck is in great shape and we power-wash it twice a year.] "When you do this room, are you going to do built-in bookcases?" [In regards to the parlor, which is perfectly fine, freshly painted and nothing wrong with it at all. Apparently it's not "done" because it has a stand-alone bookcase instead of built-ins.] |
Anonymous
| What do their houses look like? Some people (annoyingly!)think home renovations are always a fun topic of conversation. |
Anonymous
Or, "We'll do it when you foot the bill." and laugh it off. |
Anonymous
OP here. This is the irony! Their house, while well-maintained, looks like the land that time forgot. Their furniture is ancient and uncomfortable, carpets are mustard-colored from the 1970s (though very clean and in decent structural shape). It's all clean and tidy, but outdated and not comfortable. The kitchen is OK, though the decor is farmhouse/rooster, so...blech. I really want to be like, "We'll do X when you finally rip out that hideous carpet," but I'd never. The fact that they can't "see" their own situation when they have the nerve to comment on ours is astonishing to me. |
Anonymous
| Frankly, those all seem like normal questions from people who know you're working on a to-do list. You can choose to be offended or you can choose to answer the question as you have here. |
Anonymous
| So why don’t you criticize them back? They’re probably just looking for conversation topics. Say I’m not interested in getting new carpet. Ask if they’re getting new carpet upstairs too. |
Anonymous
This seems like some sort of well intentioned misunderstanding. Did you ever give them the impression that you are really into home decor or redecorating? |
Anonymous
That’s not normal; it’s rude. Who accepts hospitality and then criticizes their host’s home? |
Anonymous
+1. If this is the kind of stuff that tops your list of annoyances, you are leading a pretty charmed life. |
Anonymous
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Take the high road:
Smile. “We like it the way it is.” Smile Change subject |
Anonymous
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You look them straight in the eye, moment of silence, and say clearly:
"It's so rude of you to continually say these things." And then say nothing. Hear the pin drop. |
Anonymous
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There's always the classic, "why do you ask that?"
Which can be followed by, "huh. Sorry you don't like it; we like it just the way it is." |