Is it okay for a teacher to kiss a student on the face?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a private school where we had the same teacher for all eight years. And my teacher would kiss us at the end of each year on the cheek as we left for summer break. It was not consensual and not okay. In fact I think that that qualifies sexual harrasement. It is not okay for a teacher to non consensualy kiss a student! Things like that are really messed up.

Never travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first grade teacher.
First of all, the whole "it only happens when other kids aren't around thing" is weird as all get out. Not okay. Definitely go talk to the principal.
Second, I love my students second only to my own children. But one of my biggest fears is that either I will accidentally curse in front of my students or that I will accidentally kiss them. By accidentally, I mean, without thinking about it. I've kissed a kid on the top of their head twice in my long career. Sometimes, it just happens. Probably because I kiss my own children all the time. But my general rule is no kissing. I do hug quite often, but I nearly always ask and several times throughout the year, I give my "your body belongs to you" speech and that they have a right to tell anyone, even me, not to touch them.

Oh my gosh, thank you. I’m a teacher and did this once years ago— a kid did a fabulous job in a performance and came off stage and I just kissed her on the top of the head the way I do with my son without thinking. (I’m a woman, it was a 4th grade girl.) I was appalled at myself but she didn’t think anything of it apparently. I was still soooo scared I was going to lose my job! I’m glad I’m not the only one!

As a parent I am always amazed at how careful teachers are. It would be very difficult for me not to be affectionate with the kids. And I understand and agree with why you cannot be. Thank you so much for caring for our kids. And I’m really glad you kept your job!

[Anonymous]

My mother was my 4th grade teacher, so I can’t say under no circumstances, but that is the only one I can think of.

— teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the threads but where I live in Latin America, it would be weird and frigid if the teacher didn't kiss a kid. If it's a warning sign for abuse in the DC area, that's one thing... but I also think it's sad.

Ditto

Our daughters were at a dual language school. A couple of the older women teachers were very sweet and affectionate, like doting grandmas. One knitted them sweaters! I could totally see a peck from them. My kids were sweet and well behaved. They loved the attention. I am from a different immigrant culture where kissing in these circumstances wouldn’t be acceptable, but I was ok with these teachers. It was just their whole package. They loved the kids so much, but not that way.

[Anonymous]

The only way I would be ok with this is with a baby (like, pre-walking) by a full time nanny or home daycare provider.

Honestly, I am the only one who kisses my kids - not even grandmas, though they'd like to! But my kids don't like it and they have been respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the consensus is that this shouldn't be happening. That's what my gut told me as well.

No this should not be happening. Maybe at the French Maternal School?

[Anonymous]

So long as no CRT, anything goes.

[Anonymous]

I am an immigrant and I was blessed with really sweet female grandmotherly teachers throughout the early school years. We were patted on the shoulders, given a hug, kissed on the head almost every day when we were in ES. When we became a bit older, praise was given by patting on the shoulders, hugs, hand shake. Affection was expected from teachers. Kids and parents (as well as other teachers) are very quick to figure out an inappropriate intention.

This country is just so sad. We are a very physically demonstrative family, I would absolutely get into trouble if I was a teacher here because I just hug everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant and I was blessed with really sweet female grandmotherly teachers throughout the early school years. We were patted on the shoulders, given a hug, kissed on the head almost every day when we were in ES. When we became a bit older, praise was given by patting on the shoulders, hugs, hand shake. Affection was expected from teachers. Kids and parents (as well as other teachers) are very quick to figure out an inappropriate intention.

This country is just so sad. We are a very physically demonstrative family, I would absolutely get into trouble if I was a teacher here because I just hug everybody.

Totally agree. We're keeping everyone so safe from hugs and pats on the head (also from adults setting responsible boundaries to children's behavior when needed) that kids grow up feeling unloved, alienated, and confused, and then we wonder why they go back to shoot up their school. But the connection will be dismissed in the next post, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Touch and affection starved kids have no idea what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. So many predators (adult and peers) can groom kids and sexually exploit them because normal and appropriate touch is also not allowed.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

I don't really understand the idea that if we were in a different culture things would be different. I mean, obviously that's true. But assuming this is an American school, they're educating kids who will be functioning in American society. In American society, kissing a child on the face is an intimate thing, and when teachers push past that boundary, even if it's because they are teachers from another culture, they're teaching kids to be OK with that boundary being pushed back. Even if the teacher is well meaning, they're setting kids up to be more easy targets for people looking to groom them in the future. And as professionals, they should know this. So, best case scenario you have a teacher who is completely uneducated. Medium case scenario you have a teacher who wouldn't actually abuse a child, but also doesn't care enough about the child to protect them from future predators. Worst case scenarios is that the teacher is a predator. None of these are OK.

Now, if you go to France, it might be different. If it's normal for non-family adults to kiss kids' faces there, then predators aren't going to groom kids in that way. Similarly, if you go to certain Muslim countries, there might be a different boundary. There might be things that are OK here, that would be overly familiar and put a child at risk for grooming there. Teachers work in a cultural context, and so they need to adjust according to their contexts.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the cultural situation. I think this would be pretty normal behavior in France, no?

[Anonymous]

You are all so American. This is normal in many parts of the world.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here and not once have I ever considered kissing even the most adorable child. It’s not okay. The physical contact I do respond to is when students spontaneously hug me. At those times I give a quick hug back. A PP mentioned kids who don’t get much affection at home, so I always respond to those who lean up against me with a quick hug. The message I want to send is,”You are worthy of love, I care for you too, now let’s get back to work.” That feels like an appropriate balance to me. But kissing? No.