Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best"

[Anonymous]

You've basically said it yourself, OP. The kids getting the most awards are working their @sses off. That is a choice. Your DD prefers not to work that intensely. She's doing extremely well in light of that. If she wants to make different choices, she's free to. Some of this is under her control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the reality is - and you’re not going to like this - some of those kids are just smarter. They don’t have to work as hard. Particularly the ones also excelling at sports. They aren’t “winning” because they’re doing so much more. This isn’t all of those kids, but a chunk. The lesson is that there is always going to be someone smarter than you, better than you, richer than you, someone less smart, less gifted, less affluent. Comparison is silly. Success is not pie, someone having some doesn’t mean you can’t have any. Sure it may for these honors right now, but not in any big picture sense. Let her make peace with being average. Average is okay.

There are those lucky students who understand the content easily and don’t have to study much to do well. But excelling at sports is not connected to being smarter. If that were the case my extended family would be a bunch of geniuses and that didn’t happen. I come from a very athletic family. Some professional, most high school and college and kept it up throughout adulthood. But none of them would be mistaken for the smartest guy in the room.

There’s usually controversy at the big universities over giving athletes easier work because they are future professionals but college work proves tough for them.

[Anonymous]

Tell your smart, hard-working kid that they are not "the best" academically, but they are in the top x% in the overall population. It is important that they continue to expand and deepen their knowledge and skill base because the learning does not stop at K-12 for anyone.

Why lie to them? Why raise such snowflakes? They should be either inspired by the super achievers and work as hard and smart, or they should make their peace with it and continue to do their best.

[Anonymous]

She needs a reality check. These kids are putting in way more time and work than she is, and the awards sound well deserved. If she doesn’t want to out in the extra academic work, then she can’t be disappointed when other who are are ahead of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What accolades are they winning?

The school selects two students from each grade based on GPA with teachers voting for tie breaks, so they'll win that. Mathletes plus there's a math competition in the spring (DD did well but did not win). Each subject teacher will select 1-2 students to win an award for that subject for the year -- DD may get one or maybe two of these, but there will be kids who get it for every single subject. That kind of thing. There is an awards dinner for all the kids who receive an academic award, plus everyone who has a GPA in the top ten percent of the class will get an award for that. This will be DD's second year attending (sophomore) and she sounds unenthusiastic about going because, in her words, "[XYZ students] will win everything again." Not exactly true but I get why this is her perception based on last year's experience.

This is bananas. What kind of school is this? Elementary, middle, high?

I’ve never heard of anything like this.

[Anonymous]

Many Ivy kids and people who have a high IQ may test well and collect awards, but are incredibly stupid and say and do stupid things. These people I am referring to have extremely poor reasoning skills, common sense, and are narrow minded. I would not judge whether someone is smart on the basis of the school they went to or their awards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many Ivy kids and people who have a high IQ may test well and collect awards, but are incredibly stupid and say and do stupid things. These people I am referring to have extremely poor reasoning skills, common sense, and are narrow minded. I would not judge whether someone is smart on the basis of the school they went to or their awards.

So, those are subjective criteria. And many people who did not go to college and have lower IQs also share these traits. Many people who went to mid level colleges and are average share these traits. I’m not sure you get to decide who is “smart.”

[Anonymous]

Developing another interest other than academics, something your child loves to draw her attention from the pressure.

[Anonymous]

I still don't know what OP or her kid are upset about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your smart, hard-working kid that they are not "the best" academically, but they are in the top x% in the overall population. It is important that they continue to expand and deepen their knowledge and skill base because the learning does not stop at K-12 for anyone.

Why lie to them? Why raise such snowflakes? They should be either inspired by the super achievers and work as hard and smart, or they should make their peace with it and continue to do their best.

+100. It’s important to understand strengths, weaknesses and limits. I could have an HHI of 5x what I make now based on my credentials and IQ and choose not to. But I sure as heck play to my strengths, which includes certain IQ metrics that are in the top 1-2%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't know what OP or her kid are upset about!

ha ha, right? All As, gets several subject matter awards, goes to honor roll dinner annually, sports, friends. i

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't know what OP or her kid are upset about!

that she is not considered the very top student at her school. yes, it sounds crazy, but it still requires managing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't know what OP or her kid are upset about!

that she is not considered the very top student at her school. yes, it sounds crazy, but it still requires managing.

Wow you need to reset her expectations. There will always be someone better. Nobody is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't know what OP or her kid are upset about!

that she is not considered the very top student at her school. yes, it sounds crazy, but it still requires managing.

Wow you need to reset her expectations. There will always be someone better. Nobody is perfect.

easier said than done. hence OP.

[Anonymous]

She’s a neurotic nut. I wonder where it came from