Competitive academics - what to tell the smart, hard-working kid who isn't "the best"

[Anonymous]

I remember in Highschool the academic awards went to the student with the highest grade in the class. Period. It did not matter that there were other students in that class (math, history, science, social studies, etc) who were more passionate about the subject. Students who did summer programs, or internships, or clearly were practicing/reading/pursuing the topic outside of class. Bottom line- you had to get the grade in the one class to earn the prize.

Highschool tends to work that way. But life doesn’t. Over time, people who are passionate about something tend to rise in their career more so than the people who are able to do well on a test/memorize facts/etc. Basically, life has a different award system and I think your child and others like them will excel in that arena. But for now, they just have to deal with the reality of “academic” awards.

[Anonymous]

My approach is to have my teens take ownership for the time and effort they're putting into activities. I'll lay it out pretty bluntly that they have two paths. They can spend 3 or more hours per day or whatever working hard to win whatever competition, or they can spend a much smaller amount of time and accept that they'll likely lose to someone else who did put in the time and effort. The follow ups are do they love the activity enough that they want to put in that much time, and is the award that big of a deal? I make sure they understand that either path is fine, and I support any of their choices. It's okay if they don't win, but they don't get to complain to me about not winning if they chose the lower effort path.

Also, OP, your kids' school has a horrible way of recognizing academic merit. My kids' school gives the GPA awards and one 'student of the year' type award for every subject, but they make sure that the same kid can't get more than one award. Also, the awards are based on class achievement plus positive contributions in class, effort, passion, and so on. There's no reason to let one or two kids get showered with all of the awards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember in Highschool the academic awards went to the student with the highest grade in the class. Period. It did not matter that there were other students in that class (math, history, science, social studies, etc) who were more passionate about the subject. Students who did summer programs, or internships, or clearly were practicing/reading/pursuing the topic outside of class. Bottom line- you had to get the grade in the one class to earn the prize.

Highschool tends to work that way. But life doesn’t. Over time, people who are passionate about something tend to rise in their career more so than the people who are able to do well on a test/memorize facts/etc. Basically, life has a different award system and I think your child and others like them will excel in that arena. But for now, they just have to deal with the reality of “academic” awards.

My high school was different - teachers choose the "best" student to receive an award. I has the highest grades in all my classes (and was valedictorian) but I think the teachers colluded and decided that the ceremony would suck if one kid got all the awards.

[Anonymous]

They need to try harder.

[Anonymous]

She needs a wider prospective or she doesn't get one now but gets one later at a large state university. Probably an ideal education to rise as far as you can and not be limited.

Meanwhile some volunteer work with kids far less fortunate. Maybe with severe disabilities. She needs some gratitude for all that she has and all the opportunities she gets to aspire to.