Guests who criticize your house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do their houses look like? Some people (annoyingly!)think home renovations are always a fun topic of conversation.

This is what I am assuming about these particular guests. It sounds more like they’re making conversation rather than criticizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give some examples of what they actually say?

"What are you planning for the kitchen?" [Kitchen is fine; granite, nice cupboards, new appliances in stainless steel. Not all of it was all our pic, but no real estate agent would put it on the "must-do" list.]

"When are you going to get new carpet upstairs?"

"What color will you be painting the deck?" [Deck is in great shape and we power-wash it twice a year.]

"When you do this room, are you going to do built-in bookcases?" [In regards to the parlor, which is perfectly fine, freshly painted and nothing wrong with it at all. Apparently it's not "done" because it has a stand-alone bookcase instead of built-ins.]

I don't hear any criticism in any of these questions. They are just... questions. They maybe an awkward attempt at getting conversation started, but on their face, there doesn't seem to be ill intent in them. Sounds like you just don't like these people and are looking for reasons to be annoyed at them.

That's like asking who lays out a Thanksgiving spread for you, "How are you going to change the recipe next year?" "Next year, do you plan on serving more side dishes?"

It's effing rude, end of story.

Folks on DCUM spend lots of time being offended. Life is better if you don't waste your energy it.

np: If you don’t get why this is rude, you need to re-examine your social skills.

+100

[Anonymous]

Well, my dad and his wife are always surprised how nice our house is, because they have it in their minds I have no money and terrible taste.

It is vaguely insulting but such very small potatoes.

[Anonymous]

I usually use a stock answer "Well, we do a few things each year. That's on the list, but unlikely to get done this year."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give some examples of what they actually say?

"What are you planning for the kitchen?" [Kitchen is fine; granite, nice cupboards, new appliances in stainless steel. Not all of it was all our pic, but no real estate agent would put it on the "must-do" list.] We are not planning anything. We think the kitchen if fine."

"When are you going to get new carpet upstairs?" No clue. It's not on our to do list

"What color will you be painting the deck?" [Deck is in great shape and we power-wash it twice a year.] No color. We like it the way it is.

"When you do this room, are you going to do built-in bookcases?" [In regards to the parlor, which is perfectly fine, freshly painted and nothing wrong with it at all. Apparently it's not "done" because it has a stand-alone bookcase instead of built-ins.]The room is finished.

Or, "We'll do it when you foot the bill." and laugh it off.

+1. Just say "as soon as your check clears"

[Anonymous]

Haha- I have an Aunt that comes over and starts talking about knocking down walls, and where to add the addition, every time.

She can't believe we can possibly be happy with our house.

I just quietly get drunk and try to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

That is the definition of passive-aggressive comments. It is part of narcissistic abuse, aimed at inducing shame.
It can cause physical ailments from the stress of being on the receiving end.
Take care of your health; they need to stay at a hotel; or not be invited at all.

[Anonymous]

They are rude just ignore.

I’ve also noticed that boomers think a room is not done if it’s not full of unnecessary furniture , knick knacks on display and all those matching prints and fabrics everywhere.

[Anonymous]

For some people I know the home improvement talk is just idle chit chat. It's just a way to find something to imagine and talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, those all seem like normal questions from people who know you're working on a to-do list. You can choose to be offended or you can choose to answer the question as you have here.

+1. If this is the kind of stuff that tops your list of annoyances, you are leading a pretty charmed life.

Change the subject and move on. If this really bugs you, have them stay less often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, those all seem like normal questions from people who know you're working on a to-do list. You can choose to be offended or you can choose to answer the question as you have here.

Completely agree. I don’t see anything offensive in those questions at all considering you recently purchased the house and are continuously making updates.

You could say ‘it’s all on our wish list.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, those all seem like normal questions from people who know you're working on a to-do list. You can choose to be offended or you can choose to answer the question as you have here.

+1

These aren't criticisms. They are conversation topics. If you don't like that line of conversation, then change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Either crazy rude people are visiting your house.

OR

You’ve given the impression you’re renovating your home over time.

[Anonymous]

My parents do this. I told them clearly that I think it's rude, and I asked them if this is how they'd talk about a friend's house they were visiting. I knew the answer would be no-- my mom would never walk into a friend's home and wrinkle her nose and say "I was hoping you'd have changed out these floors by now, I can't stand tile in the foyer."

They do that stuff to me because they have not made the mental jump to me being an independent adult who paid for my own home and gets to keep it how I want. To them, this is like walking into my high school bedroom and telling me to clean up the clothes off the floor. But that was different because I was a child living in the home they provided them. They just didn't realized things had changed.

So I explained to them explicitly that things had changed, and that I expected the same respect from them in my home as I gave them in their home (where there are lots of things I'd change if it were mine, but it's not so I don't vocalize them). They stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These sound like questions coming from someone who knows (or thinks) you are planning to do cosmetic remodeling/re-decorating. If there is no reason for your guests to think that you are planning that, then just say you are fine with the way things are and not planning on any major changes.

FWIW, your OP comes across as if you regret not having yet been able to make cosmetic changes...and it's possible you talk about that more than you realize.

It's possible your guests are just insanely rude, but the phrasing you describe points to their thinking they are being helpful.

This. At one point OP has shared she wants to make changes to her house, and is now defensive when the guests bring up the topic.