moral/ethical dilemma regarding trust fund spending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:28 I disagree. OP isn't using the trust for expenses. A home is a major investment. The house value could appreciate more than the trust, depending on how the trust is invested. Plus the intangible, more time with your family, is immeasurable. This is only for the down payment, too.

Bought in 2006. Lost 100K+ in value and would be lucky to "break even" by 15 yrs. "Always a sure investment" was what I was told...!

[Anonymous]

OP, mom of special needs adult here. You might want to advise your parents to allocate more than $1 mil to your siblings trust, especially if they will require 24/7 supervision or have ongoing medical costs. With the likely cutbacks in social services in the future, the trust will be filling in more of the gaps that governmental programs won't.

[Anonymous]

21:50 Please note I used the word "could." Everyone knows the real estate market, like all markets, fluctuates. You would have lost more in the stock market!

OP, do your parents have long-term-care coverage?

[Anonymous]

PP, here. Thanks to the Special Needs mom for the advice.

Yes, Dad is thinking carefully about that and being conservative in his projections. My sibling is already on disability (SSDI) and Medicare and lives in a home that my parents paid for, so housing is basically covered except for maintenance, insurance and taxes. The Special Needs Trust is there more to be a safety net in case my sibling ever loses SSDI and Dad's planning worst case scenario in that regard. We don't think my sibling will ever need 24/7 care for the disability other than typical elder care. We also think my sibling might be able to get Medicaid in the future, but not sure. But you are right that social services will probably go down over time. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:50 Please note I used the word "could." Everyone knows the real estate market, like all markets, fluctuates. You would have lost more in the stock market!

OP, do your parents have long-term-care coverage?

This is PP (who received the 300K gift) -- are you talking to me? My parents do have LTC coverage.

[Anonymous]

PP, why did it come as such a surprise that you would inherit a significant sum? Were you not aware of how much your parents had saved? Or is this old money that they had not touched?

This is a fascinating thread. It is so far outside the realm of my reality.

NP here. My mom died fifteen years ago, and my dad sat my siblings and me down several years later when he was about to get married again and laid this all on of us. We were all in our 30s and had NO idea that we would eventually inherit seven figures each. None. My dad drove a 1968 VW bug - that he had bought used - until the mid-80s. My mom made a lot of our clothes and never bought anything that wasn't on sale, and I didn't wear anything but hand-me-downs until I started working and making my own money at 14. When I graduated college and started working for real, I found out that one of my company's clients used to have the name of the company my dad had worked for for a long time. It was still in operation under another name and very successful - he had stopped working there when it moved to LA. I didn't realize that he was an officer when it a) went public and b) was sold to a large conglomerate, hence the move. That was my first clue.

We were shocked when we found out actual amounts, and that was before he sold the house where we grew up (close-in suburb, bought in the 70s) in 2005, so that was another tidy sum. No family money, just him. It happens.

[Anonymous]

My thoughts:

Upside: A short commute is golden. More time to be with family also means more time to do things you want to do.

Downside: If you buy in a neighborhood that is more expensive than your current income, there will more pressure to spend more. The people around you will be doiong more expensive things, your children's activities will be more expensive (even school based), the costs to maintain the house will be more expensive, food will be more expensive, hiring people to help/fix things will be more expensive (people tend to charge based on zip codes around here)......

My family's choice was to buy a smaller house closer in and deal with the downsides.

[Anonymous]

OP here (to be clear, I'm not the pp who received $300k already to buy a house). I really appreciate the responses. My parents and the rest of the family are very quiet about money, we don't talk about it much. I actually have no clue how much is in the trust, just that it is enough that we don't really ever have to worry about things like college education, retirement, etc (that's not to say that we aren't saving for them ourselves-we are, and aggressively). So for those posters asking why I haven't talked to my dad yet, it's because he's not that open about it. Added to that, I am concerned he'll think I'm shallow for wanting to spend some of the money on a nicer house when we already live in a great one. That's a personal thing, but as he is still alive, he can still pass judgement and disapprove/be disappointed in my choices. That is the last thing I want as I love and respect my father very much. However, it is apparent that I need to have a frank discussion with him regarding the terms of the trust, ask for his advice, and go from there. We are getting ready to re-do our wills in the next 6 months with the birth of our second child, so it's a natural time to talk about it.

Thanks to all who provided input (especially the dad, your very tone reminded me of my father!), and for those who enjoyed reading about it, I'm glad I could provide some fantasy; believe me when I say I know full well how incredibly lucky I am, and this is one of the reasons why I am struggling with spending some of the $$ on something that at first glance seems unnecessary. BTW, I fully intend to donate large portions to charity, especially once we get college and potentially private school squared away!

[Anonymous]

Another point, OP. Don't just make sure you have college and private schools covered. Just like you are incredibly blessed to have parents that opened a trust for you - you should consider that your kids would feel just as blessed if you were able to leave them part of that trust. It would suck if you used the principal of the trust to make your life easier, only to find out you can't pass that down to your kids when they become adults.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't fully understand. It sounds like this is a FAMILY trust, not your trust. You dont even know how much is there? Does it belong to your siblings and other relatives as well? If so, I would not take out funds unless you have the permission of all involved.

[Anonymous]

OP - I posted before that we were in a similar boat.

Just wanted to bring up one point - you mention above that you don't want your dad to think you are shallow for wanting a nicer house.

But you DON'T want a nicer house - you want a more expensive one, and that is not the same thing. I really think reasons matter, and that your Dad won't think it is shallow to shorten your DH's commute / increase his time with your family / strengthen his relationship with your children. A closer in house could mean the differene in DH being able to sneak out to a middle of the day school performance, or to get off early nice a week to coach a sports team. Will your kids be fine if DH can't do that? Yes. Will they appreciate it and remember it if he can? Yes.